Saturday, 15 April 2017

Quick, put Hollywood on speed dial!

Remember when a casting agency invited me to audition for a high-falutin' TV commercial last spring? For a luxury Volvo SUV? Scared witless, I went. I was supposed to channel a rich, sophisticated mother-of-the-bride, think pensive Tilda Swinton without the edge. Instead, I squeaked. I did. Like an excited Chihuahua. Don't ask me how it happened.

When it was my turn to "drive" the SUV, I see-sawed the toy plastic steering wheel back and forth the way a toddler pretends to drive, somehow misinterpreting the words "Hamptons" and "wedding" as "Twister Part 2" where I'm driving through a house blowing across the road. Read more about it HERE.

WHAT I WORE TO THE FIRST AUDITION

I was given a round of applause as I exited the audition room. Good riddance? Or thanks for the entertainment. Hahaha! Whatever it was, I'm sure my ego's nine lives are into negative numbers now.

I emailed the casting agency to apologize for squeaking, and in their reply they insisted how, no, you were great - a nice line, well delivered, it's their job. I expected never to hear from them again. (By the way, that finished ad is HERE. If only I could have seen it before my audition I know I would have done better. My lost part is near the end of the clip.)

Well, the casting agency called again yesterday. !!! (last Monday)

For an audition today (Tuesday). Bwahahaha!! Almost a year since the last audition. Quick, speed-dial Hollywood!

And guess what? I went.

WHICH OUTFIT DO YOU THINK I WORE THIS TIME?

1. STRIPES WITH STRIPES

And guess what? I didn't SUCK!!!! Okay, well, maybe a little, but not NEARLY as bad as I did the first time. It helped that this ad had a David Lynch vibe, more up my alley, although that's not supposed to matter, right? I spent the evening before springing my lines loudly and suddenly upon my unwary partner O. Poor man.

2. FLORAL JACKET - LOOKS GOOD WHEN IT MOVES

I was told to dress as myself, although the agency also referenced "fashionista," "Wintour," and "expert" in her guidance. I cocooned myself in colour and elevated my spirits with Miu Miu heels and hair so towering I swear I was picking up satellite signals. And while I walk whenever I can, I drove to this audition, and in doing so experienced the unusual yet pleasing sensation of my hair brushing lightly on the roof of my car.

3. RUFFLES AND STRIPES

Upon arrival I did my best to blend in. "Oh yes, hey, just another actor here. Totally, totally profesh. That's me." But I was certain that at any moment everyone would stand up in unison and point, and with huge gaping mouths make creepy loud rasping sounds like in that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the 1978 version with Donald Sutherland - so good (HERE). They didn't.

At my first audition, the holding room was deathly quiet and lined with tight rows of impossibly handsome young men in suits. As I clicked past them in my dress and heels, I felt like the mother come to tend her children in the 1960 movie Village of the Damned (clip HERE). (All these horror movie references. Hahaha!) The group this time at least included a few chatty men and women of all ages, and kids. Naturally, a touch of chaos always takes the edge off.

4. MOZART JACKET WITH ZIPPER TIE

I can't tell you the details of the ad of course, except to say it was for a food item, and filming will take place over several days in Toronto. I didn't buy an imaginary Beverly Hills mansion online beforehand either; I learned from before that flipping fake real estate is a no-win situation. And while I'm certain I won't get a call-back, I tell you, I feel great! I threw my hat back in the ring, I clambered back onto my high horse, I tried tried again. I'm sure there's a profound LIFE LESSON here, a sacral spiritual yoga mind stretch. Ow!

5. VELVET AND DOTS AND PAISLEY - AGAIN, LOOKS GREAT WHEN IT MOVES

Afterwards, it was clearly time for a self-reward. I still had time on my parking meter and remembered with happy alarm that there was a thrift shop in the neighbourhood. Oblivious to the cold, pelting rain and high winds, I stumble-floated my way there. And...JACKPOT! My usual food rewards, like cheesecake, hot buttered rolls, chocolate and/or cookies, often just end up on my hips, but the "Buy 4 blouses, get one free!" deal really hit my sweet spot. So much for my closet shake-down. Gaaaa!!!

And what did I wear? Outfit 4, the Mozart jacket. It looks better on than it does on the dummy. The items in Outfit 2 with the floral jacket are three of the five self-reward items I bought at the thrift shop - the tie was a gift.


A strange week in the best way. I suppose I'll link something up with Patti and Catherine at Visible Monday (Not Dead Yet Style blog) and #iwillwearwhatilike (Not Dressed as Lamb blog). I'll also link up to Catherine's #SaturdayShareLinkUp.

Have you given yourself any self-rewards lately. If not, get on it!!! Hahaha.

And a little postscript: THIS is what I'm listening to to take me off this screwed up planet for a while. To relaaaaax, to dream. I took that photo today, Friday.


40 comments:

  1. I'm breathless. What an uber-exciting, link-ful post of a day-in-the-life of Mel. Wow wow wow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, thank goodness I have one mildly interesting day out of seven to post about. You should hear about the other six. WOW!!!! They're even BETTER!!!! UNBELIEVABLE! By the way, I have some great fake real estate in Hollywood for sale. Hahaha. xo

      Delete
  2. That last photo, in the familiarity of your stairwell had a wistful, reflective and relaxing quality.
    WOW!
    That clip from "Bladerunner... I'm going to need to see that again. I've definitely matured since the first time.
    You never disappoint Melanie. Your posts are an adventure inside your eyes,head and heart and are just SO GOOD.
    Thanks, I needed that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was feeling particularly wistful in that whole photo session. And Bladerunner is one of my favourite movies. Particularly for its soundtrack and the last scene with the tears in the rain monologue. Wow. Oh, Rutger!! I need to see it again too. xo

      Delete
  3. I fell in love to that soundtrack (fans self madly).
    I hope they find something WILDLY MAGNIFICENT for you to audition for soon.

    Elaine Monkeypaints (always lurking)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I completely get that whole "fanning self wildly" response. That's over-the-top seduction music. Definitely!
      I'm not great at acting - I've only just figured out who I am, let alone trying to be someone else. If someone wanted me to audition to be me, yeah, I could handle that role. Probably. xo

      Delete
  4. Oh my gosh, what an exciting time! Having seen you in the Mozart jacket in person, I can only assume you will be jetting to TO, so great is the power of MELANIE! You are destined to be a schtar! Hope you are enjoying the spring blossoms - finally!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Naw, no jets booked for me! Hahaha. I wasn't stellar - I just didn't suck as badly. We're all schtars, Sheila, as you know. And yes, FINALLY, blossoms. I packed up winter coats today. I'm screwed if it gets really cold again. Layers, layers... xo

      Delete
  5. The dad in that wedding commericial is um... hot. But maybe I missed something because the whole thing was kind of confusing. Confusing or no, I would have rather seen you in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the dad. In my audition there were no dads so they had a young man stand in. Of course it threw me off badly - that's my excuse. Hahaha. Yes, that ad has been controversial, some loving it, some hating it, many just confused by it. It's a mum, the husband, the son and his partner, sharing time before the unseen daughter's wedding. The script was much more fleshed out than what they ended up with. Note that the mum has no lines! Robbery! Heh. Thanks, Hollie.

      Delete
  6. How exciting! I used to do commercials back in the days when I was young and cute and upright. It is loads of fun. And get this: they pay you!!! Great outfits. Every single one. I just know you're going to become more famous than you already are. Are you ready for your close up???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Connie, why am I not surprised that you were doing commercials! That's so cool. You MUST find something and share it if you can. But I also have a vivid imagination. You are certainly a woman of mystery!! I'm definitely not ready for a close-up. Nunh. xo

      Delete
  7. What an exciting post to read, Melanie! I'm cheering you on for the audition with hopes you get the role, but I'm also cheering because I know the courage it took to take that step again and put yourself out there. This is an inspiration--and your outfit is too! Yay!!

    - Sherry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think this role has passed me by. Waaaa! Hahaha. I merely didn't suck as badly as the first time, which means I still semi-sucked, but I've forgiven myself. Yeah, it was soooo scary again but I DID IT! Great excuse for shopping afterwards. I highly recommend it. Thanks, Sherry. xo

      Delete
  8. Awesome, just awesome. You are living my dream. I wish somebody would ask me to to the things you do. Photoshoot for a fantastic designer, runway project as stylist, two commercials.. I am trying not to be jealous. No I am not, this is so nice for you, I cannot begrudge you (is that the right word?).
    And I had the right answer to the quizz question: outfit number four, the Mozart jacket outfit. Did I win anything?
    And indeed that last outfit with the jeans and leather jacket: FAB!
    Greetje

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These are of course just the HIGHLIGHTs of my week. And they were just auditions. Those pros get them constantly or they wouldn't survive. Plus, everyone's life usually looks good from the blogger frame, even the bloopers. By guessing right you won my undying friendship. Hahaha! The last outfit is another one we would walk around town in as sisters. Heh.

      Delete
  9. Living the life! You are so amazing, versatile and all-around schtar-y. Love, love the Mozart outfit. Big cheers to you and break a leg at your audition, xox

    -Patti
    http://notdeadyetstyle.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I didn't break my spirit at least - I did a little mending of it after the first audition. Heh. It went...well-ish. Thanks, Patii. xox

      Delete
  10. I thought you would go with outfit no. 5. Going from all that color to the understated image at the end.
    Keep us posted on these auditions - what fun read!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess I'll have to go to another audition next year - this one, nunh. Hahaha. Which I knew. But the experience is great. Maybe when I'm 80.
      Thanks, Tami. xo

      Delete
  11. Melanie, that was like going to a movie! You are awesome! If I was making a commercial, I would pick you.
    xo
    Lynn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, like going to a movie I'M NOT IN!! Hahaha!! I would pick me too. Well, no, I wouldn't, not yet. Thanks, Lynn. xo

      Delete
  12. Great choice of outfit, so very you and that's who you'll do best of all. We're all breathing in your life, sucking the marrow vicariously, bobbing along on your coat-tails - if you get my drift. Bloodly lovely stuff!
    Anna x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm afraid I've thrown you a pretty wasted-out bone there, Anna. Hahaha! Stale and spare marrow. Dressing in something so me definitely was calming, which is why I think I didn't freak as much, plus there was not a big audience watching this time. At least I got something to blog about. Heh. xox

      Delete
  13. Holy Cats!!! How exciting! It sounds like it was a bit of a surreal experience as well. I'm glad they realized how fabulous you are and called you back. Can't wait to see you in a commercial!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No call-back for this particular commercial - I didn't expect one - although I was still pleased that the casting agency contacted me again, even if it was just to get bums in seats, so to speak. Thanks, Tilda! xox

      Delete
  14. I'm so excited for you Mel. Can't wait to hear what happens and I have a good feeling about this one. The Mozart jacket is to live for! We all know that you're a STAR!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This whole "star" thing is second hat (bwahaha) to you, Judith. I still struggle with relaxing when someone I don't know is behind the camera. My personal cameraperson (me) doesn't freak me out at all - well, that's not really true either. Thanks for the vote of confidence. xox

      Delete
  15. I've never seen a car ad like it... (pleased it said the "extended" one as it did go on...and on...). And I really would have liked to see YOU driving the car and having a lot of dialogue, Mel!! Wearing something bright, wild and fabulous! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha!! I KNOW. That ad is LOOONG. I noticed that they cut all the mother-of-the-bride's lines too. Pffft. I would have enjoyed driving to the "wedding" like a scene from Twister. It would definitely have livened up the clip. The ad generated lots of discussion, from FABULOUS to HUNH? Thanks, Elizabeth, for sitting through it. xo

      Delete
  16. beginning for the last part, your Mozart-esque ensemble is one of my favorites ever, I'm sure you were F*ck*n' Fabulous wearing it (I'm going to watch all those videos a.s.a.p.), and that floral jacket that you thrifted is a fabulous piece!! Hurrah for self-rewarding!, thrifting is even better than chocolate or red wine!. All those ensembles are awesome indeed!.
    I would love to see you squeaking and acting and surfing all those situations with attitude (and some horror movies inspiration), you're fabulous!
    besos

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't worry about the video-watching. The best one, though, is the Donald Sutherland clip. Excellent - SCARY!! I felt pretty good indeed in that Mozart jacket. Thrifting with chocolate AND wine would be the BEST! I'd love to do that with you. Thanks for your positive energy. xox

      Delete
  17. Latest self-reward was the tag end of a bolt of upholstery/drapery fabric at a thrift store ... there were about 3 yards left, 54" wide, cotton, cinnamon and old gold woven diamond pattern. Cost $3. Can't decide whether the trousers I cut out should be sewn with the "right" side out or the "wrong" side out. Am leaning toward "right side outside," since that is the shiny side.

    There's enough left after cutting out trews to make something else ... part of a vest? A tote? Using the other side of the fabric? Too many possibilities. I need to sip a mint julep and take a little nap, now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. P.S.: I was sure that you had worn the ruffles and stripes.

      Delete
    2. Oooh, discount fabric that makes your heart sing? Right on! You could do one side right way, one side wrong way...but that might look too forced. It's great that you love both sides that much. A mint julep and a nap? Too perfect. Have fun with your project. I liked the ruffles and stripes too. Next time... xox

      Delete
  18. I picked the right outfit! You are a winner...even if those losers did not choose you the great thing is you are on their list of people to call now. It's only a matter of time before you score something.

    bisous
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oooh, the Mozart outfit was my favourite!!! Well done for going and although I knew you didn't get it, still that's brilliant to go!!! You make life exciting and I like the imagery of your hair touching the roof of the car!!!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...