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Saturday 24 December 2016

Did you come to my holiday party?

If you were at my bloggy holiday party, you probably don't even remember - that's how good it was. But I hope you at least remember what I WORE!! - this divoon vintage, ivory crepe wool gown with a mink collar - a gift from an estate. I think the original owner had it custom-made - it even has pockets. Long black gloves, black tights, and glitter platform booties completed the look.

Of course as Grand Hostess I was worried about carrying the evening off, but within an hour I knew I had nothing to fear: the French-style-loving bloggers had already hopped up onto the bar and begun disrobing and belting out bawdy German songs off key.

The lifestyle/home decor bloggers in attendance kept turning the other music off and on (which really pissed off my mariachi band) for their game of musical chairs/couches/tables while rating my furniture on its design, craftsmanship, durability, and comfort.

Below I am practising my Psycho face for later in the evening.

The food bloggers hung out at the buffet and in the washrooms. They couldn't get over my Ritz cracker and Spam canapes. Like fine wine they would nibble, spit, then quickly swill the dregs of any beverage within reach, yelling, "Oh my god! Oh my god!" I had no idea theses canapes would be so popular - I'm thinking now I should do a food blog.

The fingermouthing trendy set took advantage of the hair-mussing station I had installed with industrial fans and the photo booth, which included a Where's Waldo map on the floor to help prevent gaze fatigue. Below I rehearse my own new fingermouthing pose for the photo booth. Look away if it's too hot. Seriously, soon all +40 women will be doing this - it's a look that says, "Hellz yeah, I'm frickin' hot. Leave me the feck alone. Got any Advil?" The wisdom of aging.

Thankfully, coat check service was not required with the continuing trend of wearing one's winter coat falling off, which was ideal for dusting my floors and mopping up around the buffet.

The vintage and thrift bloggers basically spent the night raiding the closets looking for old stuff. I had to referee a couple of brawls among them, which was the highlight of the party for me, that and joining in a few Marlene Dietrich tunes with the French-style-loving bloggers on the bar. The beauty bloggers were so impressed with our hairstyles after the brawls that they joined in the fun.

In the next photo I am about release a few unruly guests from lockup. Is it coming back to you at all? Hm? Might I suggest a few more canapes to re-volt your memory?

I took most of these photos of my party outfit in the garbage room atelier before the guests started arriving. Because I was using flash photography, the room was pitch black. When I sat on the big styrofoam bag, second photo, I suddenly started to sink as the containers beneath me gave way with an eruption of cracking sounds like a Canadian ice-breaker valiantly cutting a passage across the frozen Arctic. I maintained my composure, however, despite the heels, a general lack of mobility, the gown, not being able to see a thing, and my sinking masthead.

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A SPECTACULAR HOLIDAY - if this is something you celebrate, of course. XO

I am linking up with Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike on her blog Not Dressed as Lamb.

Monday 19 December 2016

The line between the real and unreal

Keepin' it real. But when the real is unreal, how can you tell where one stops and other begins?

Not much to say this week. Thought this would be better than nothing.

Edit: I linked up to Patti's Visible Monday/Not Dead Yet Style with this photo from my Instagram.

Saturday 10 December 2016

The most amazing, stupendous, sponsored post EVER!

Look at those pants. Will you just LOOK at them?!!

When I first saw these pants, I couldn't believe that I might get to wear them for a blog post. Eeee! And then suddenly, they were mine! This is absolutely one of the best offers I have EVER had for a sponsored post. Ultra, ultra high-waisted, six buttons, screaming pink, blue, and aqua plaid wool palazzos. (Edit: These are probably what I would have described as "baggies" back in the day.)

And I can't get over how sophisticated and demure my response to this offer has been, despite my puppy-that-falls-over-and-pees-everywhere excitement. See? I'm calm, totally calm, serene even, freakishly so, acting like I get this kind of thing every frigging day! Case in point: so far I've used maybe 0.13% fewer exclamation points than usual in this post. Now that's control, right? The serenity that comes with success, dare I say.

I'm bummed that I couldn't do an outdoor shoot - not happening in the snow and rain, and there was probably hail too, and lightning, just to piss me off to maximum effect.

This kind of luxury item deserves the best location to do it justice, maybe a fancy hotel lobby or an upscale restaurant, or an art gallery even. But instead I used my black fabric backdrop. (I hope that won't damage my chances for future sponsored posts.) This is probably the least chic location these pants have ever been photographed in, given the shocking price they command in store.

In the photo below the pink is slightly more accurate, at least on this monitor. And I was wearing a black scarf choker too.

So huuuge, huuuuge THANKS to my sponsor. Before I reveal who it is, let me just say that clearly I'm in the Big Leagues now. I was shocked to be offered this deal. Don't worry - I'll still be your friend. And don't be jealous!! I have loved (and occasionally loathed, I admit) this sponsor for years, and their commitment to chocolate and pudding and chips.

Yes, I am the sponsor. I am the sponsor of all my posts, except I did one for Karina Dresses and one for Yuzhe Studios. I saw these pants, I liked them, and paid myself to wear them. They are vintage I suspect, and home-made. Dreamy.

When I was finished the pants shoot, I decided to exercise my magic wand, Grushenka, which had been languishing in the cupboard. O made it for when I gave my lecture, "Unlearning how to paint," at the art gallery a few years ago. Such a wonderful gift. This is my impression of Tinker Bell.

So, let this post silliness be a reminder: if you're feeling deflated about not getting lots of sponsored posts, don't be. The stuff we already have in own closets is pretty fecking awesome. We're ALL SCHTARS. Yesh.

I'll be linking something here up to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. Of course.

I'm so cheeky, heh. Raspberry kisses to you all!!

Tuesday 6 December 2016

3.2 hot styles you can copy this December

There's nothing like dreary weather to make me feel glum, so imagine my relief when I ran across this uplifting article in my Bloglovin' feed called "5 ways to brighten up a winter wardrobe" by Natasha Alexandrou. The tips were showcased by five stunning young women each wearing one of the following: 

bold scarf
statement outer wear
embellished accessories
bold colours
floral prints

Emboldened by these highly praiseworthy looks, I decided to apply the adage, if wearing one tip is good, all of them at the same time must be waaay better, especially when executed by a woman of my maturity and taste, and came up with the following 3.2 examples of super-powering outfits to whack those winter glumballs outta the park. 
The faux fur stole is a dead giveaway that this is an evening outfit, which must strictly be worn only for evening outings, such as to the opera, fine dining, or looking for golf balls in the dark with a flashlight. I am of course referring to the stole over my shoulders, not the DIY wrap around my head, which is exempt from the daytime/evening wear rules as any right-thinking fashionista knows. 

When O, my partner, saw this outfit he in fact suggested many places I could go that evening, including one with a chauffeur and escorts in uniform. In hindsight I really should have worn bells with this outfit to alert him when I was about to traverse the living room, requiring, as I did, a wide berth for stately passage. He'll be fine again in a few days.

The foundation garments here are an oversized Eileen Fisher top with a Gap T-shirt over it, which I happened to be wearing around the house that day, and this vintage coat. The pants were thrown on in an absolute panic when I realized I had recklessly failed to incorporate the floral print tip.

Oh Claude, you're so amusant! Shall we breakfast at Tiffany?

Only boring people take their daytime wear into nighttime; exciting people, such as moi, take their nighttime wear into daytime. In this case, below, two simple accessories were all it took: sunglasses and a DIY handbag (teacup carrier), which, if you roll your bologna sandwiches into tight little logs, also doubles as a handy lunchbox.  Who would guess that you've been out all night when you look this smashed smashing?

Note the metal clothespin on the red stole tie around my waist. This is every girl's must-have fashion tool for a range of quick fixes; for example, if your stole starts falling down around your eyes, as we know can happen, you can conveniently clip it back into place if you frickin' remember that you have a frickin' clothespin on your stole belt in the first place.

I'm just Stayin' Alive, friends.

And look! Below is another example of how to brighten a humdrum day of potato-picking in a frozen field. (I call my humongous jewels potatoes - don't we all? I shall not engage in a discussion of whether or not my boudoir is a frozen field.) I have simply varied my accessories to create a whole new and enviable look you will be aching to copy this month. I am successfully employing the stupefaction pose here.

More potatoes? Where's the stickin' gravy!!

I switched the white shaggy faux fur vest for a black one, wrapped the stole around my hips instead of my head, balled up one of scarves and tied it onto my head with a new scarf, velvet on one side, sparklies on the other. Voila! The clothespin clip shuts the collar of my coat. Clearly, this is daytime wear. 


And here we have another scarf and different sunglasses. Naturally most of my poses are frisky - you would be too knowing there are tuna fish tight logs with a pickle core in your handbag. Can't wait for lunch! I hope the pickle juice doesn't sog up my cash.

Aaaah. Sigh.

You know what's really funny about this post? I went in thinking, hurry!, let's put on some OUTRAGEOUS clothes!! Don't think - just do. Let's go over the friggin' top! And when I was done I thought, hey, I might just wear this for real, maybe minus a scarf or two. Okay, no, I probably won't wear the potato-picking outfit again. The silhouette with that huge stole around my hips - hahaha! And the hat would definitely fall off. But simply, these clothes made me happy - and warm.

I look quite at home in this outfit below.

If I encountered a woman wearing any of these outfits while I was out on my inspiration walk, would I like her? Hell, yeah! Plus, it's not the clothing itself that's the draw; it's as much or more the chutzpah it takes to be yourself, even when it means standing out of the crowd and risking getting hammered down, especially these days.

And for the record, I do scan those Bloglovin' articles once in a while. Sometimes I roll my eyes so hard I have to give my marbles a good shake for a reset, but I ask you, who doesn't want to learn how to wear a skirt eight ways when it's 5 degrees, right? Hahaha! (This counting thing in general remains a mystery.) And I find many things I like despite the heavy, heavy, HEAVY emphasis on women under 25. For example, in the article I referenced today, here, I would gladly wear that last dress. WOW!

Just because I like to wear what I want when I want doesn't mean I can't appreciate beauty wherever I find it. We all need more beauty in our lives. Definitely.

And that's my report. Oh, I put blue hair gel in my hair that morning too - you can't see it here though. Next time.

Actually, without the hat I might even like the furry hip bumper. Heh.

I'm linking up something here with, you guessed it, Patti at Not Dead Yet Style, Visible Monday, and Catherine, Not Dressed as Lamb, #iwillwearwhatilike.

And don't forget that Anne of SpyGirl is currently exhibiting her portraits of 52 style bloggers in a compilation called "Fashion Rainbow" at TAG Gallery in Santa Monica until Dec. 17. There is an artist panel on Dec. 10, so it's not too late to get in on the action. Anne is also selling items featuring the portraits. Have a look her amazing work here. I so wish I could have attended her show!

ALERT: Society6, which sells Anne's products, has FREE INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING today, Dec 6. 

If you copy any of these outfits, please do let me know. Heh.

PS - I have never set foot on a golf course nor gone searching for golf balls, but I like to see them split open with all those elastics showing inside. Or maybe they are not like that anymore...?

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