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Wednesday 30 August 2017

What to wear for yoga and shopping

THIS is what you should wear to yoga: a third eye timepiece, assorted starched jeans on your head, braids, three heads on your torso and hands for feet because in yoga they like all that contortion-y stuff.

I've been doing collages and farking around with them with pencil crayons. Feels so good. But below is one thing I wore this week, a brand-spanking-new-to-me kimono-style robe, courtesy of Suzanne. Are we allowed to say spanking? Yer darn-tootin'! You have to check out Suzanne's Etsy shop, VintageBySuzanne, if you haven't already. She is sooo good.

Note the expert squinching.

And those paisley-ish pants are cotton, thrifted of course, plus D&G velveteen-rabbit shoes, and my farked T-shirt saying Middle-aged Kitteh. Meow. Grrr.

I drew this Turnip Head a while ago, but Kitty seems to be wearing a robe similar to my new one so I wanted to share. The sleeves on mine are just like that. Kitty says, "Sweets for everyone!" Yes, I NEED SWEETS.

And another montage farkorama below for good measure, since I'm friggin' late for everything online this week and the booze at Patti's Visible Monday is gone. Pfff. As it is, I'm just scraping the barrel with Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb, #iwillwearwhatilike

[Edit: I also posted this on Catherine's #SaturdayShareLinkUp. Kitty wanted to join. Heh. It's nice sometimes to be able to link up a non-outfit post.]

This sketch shows you what to wear for shopping. NO, in fact, it's just what it is. Nothing to do with clothes WHATSOEVER. Maybe sunglasses though. 

I like the "pet." It's a cross between a Tribble from Star Trek and Thing from The Addam's Family. Importantly, it is wearing shoes. And I like the woman's handbag, and Kitty's Secret Knock club.

So it's a short post this week. Seriously, here I am wearing THIS and here I am wearing THAT, I needed a break. Me me me do ray la ti dah. It's a song.

I hope you are all well, surviving your weather and evading hideousness in all its forms, unless it's the good kind of hideousness. 

See you again soon!!

Monday 21 August 2017

What to wear in a stairwell

Think outside the box? 
I think not!

Wearing: Calvin Klein linen dress with very long ties - Sandra of @standard.deviations pointed it out to me years ago at Value Village - and knee-high Converse runners with cheaty rear zips and lunch-bag hand bag, both from My Sister's Closet. Plus magic loupe and ring from O, of course.

Donna Quixote battles a wall in knee-high sneakers. 
No sword, but she has a fabulous trailer lunch-box hand bag.

Most of my photos are in the box. I am in the box. My brain is in the box. 

My imagination is wherever the feck I want it to be. 

For example, below it looks like I'm in the box, but in fact I'm driving a classic convertible Bugatti through Monaco. Oh, and there's my yacht on the horizon. Is that Claude in the skiff coming to pick me up? I think it is! I shall wave in my traffic cone dress. I hope O got back from his atelier in time. (Do you see what I see now?)

Those are my red sandals and dress from Talize thrift store, belted this time (unbelted here), and my happy doggy scarf, and sunglasses. Of course, I'm also wearing my magic loupe and ring from O, which you can buy HERE.

Next, when using one's wristwatch teleportation device to travel to Paris for dinner, one must bring a lunch-bag hand bag for unexpected delays. 

My travel wear consists of an NLST "Harem Flightsuit" (here) - how perfect! - my radiation-proof mega honkin' sunglasses, my pseudo-gladiator sandals, in case the teleporter transports me to that gladiator era by mistake, magic loupe and ring for magic, and my lunch-bag hand bag again.

What?! They kicked me off the teleporter! 
I pay extra for First Class molecular handling!! 

Massive delay. And the only things in my lunch bag were inedible, unless you count my lipstick - but only in super-duper emergencies.

Thank goodness I'm in the box so I can set things aright!

Boxes get such a bad rap. 

Kitties love them, and so do I. They play in boxes, hide in boxes, and even poop in boxes - although I don't do that. What geometric shape do you think inside of, outside of? It's a ridiculous question of course.

I'm linking up with Patti's Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style, and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed at Lamb. I know I'll see you there! Hugs.



Sylvia of 40+ Style has featured me on her blog today, HERE

"Having fun with makeup and hair – A beauty interview with Melanie"

The interview is part of her Beauty series. I had fun answering her questions - it's not a topic I think about much. And there are a few never-before-seen photos of me. Thank you, Sylvia. I owe so much of my confidence to you! Check out the other articles in her series. So good.

 Greetje, of No Fear of Fashion, another favourite blogger, has translated from Dutch to English the piece about me in the Marie Claire Netherlands May print magazine. I've added it to my previous post, HERE, to accompany the original article. Huge hugs to you for doing that!

 My friend Judy has launched a blog - Fancified. She is a madly talented upcycler and crown-maker. Case in point below: a repurposed jacket "hot off the waffle iron." 

You'll have to go to her blog to see all the AMAZING detail. I've featured her before on my street style blog, Culture Serf, HERE. I encourage you to have a look. I know you'll be inspired by her creativity.

That's all!! For now. 

Dang! I keep forgetting to do my flat lays!

Saturday 12 August 2017

How to pose the RIGHT way. A meetup. And Marie Claire magazine.

There have been lots of posts around lately about blogger fatigue. (See list at the bottom of this post.) To that I say, of course we are sick of blogging, and the reason is clear: simply, we're not doing it right. We're bad posers and we don't wear the right clothes. Fear not - help is on the way!! This week I share with you some excellent posing tips I picked up online.

So yeah, we may hate social media, but it's also our mythical highway to Viral Nirvana - or, in my case, a gravel road shortcut with pot holes, dead-ends, construction, and signs saying "No gas for 10,000 miles," and my favourite, "Treacherous conditions. Does anyone know you are here?" But best not to worry about that. Our GPS says to take the road less travelled and it is never wrong.

Below. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I am looking normalish! Bad. This is a prime example of bland, I-can't-believe-I-ate-the-whole-thing-shock, if-I-don't-move-I-will-remember-everything, nothing-going-on-in-there posing. Who wants to see that? I can already hear screamy Frau Farbissina: "NEXT!!!" (She is from the Austin Powers movies, ex. here.)

Get your "squinch" on. I learned about squinching from New York/LA photographer Peter Hurley in his YouTube video, "It's all about the Squinch!" He's great! And he uses exclamation marks. 

He didn't explain it like this, but the trick to a good face is to think about chocolate, plots, and sexy secrets. Think about ways to adapt your leaf-blower into a duster. Think about what's under Fabio's gold lamé shorts. Okay, better not. Think about how fast a train must travel if it leaves point A at 11:00 and needs to arrive at point B at 1:03 if B is 7,031 km away, and will Sarah bring apples?

I know this pose but I always called it something sleuthy or high-noon cowboyie.

Squinching is a squint, but only using your lower lids; your upper lids aren't supposed to move. See? My face is sooo much better now: a face of intrigue, of mystery. It says, yeah, I ate the cheesecake, what are you going to do about it? Viewers will stop and stare, then say, we better get outta here, she's up to no good. Much more fun.

If you go extreme, it can look like you have indigestion, which can happen along that lonely road.

Below I am squinching again. And again, it looks like I've got stuff on my mind: how can I fit in a couple more hours of sleep, that workout really sucked, I have to write another blog post?!

But this photo is not for demonstrating the squinch. It's to show you Hurley's next tip, which he calls, "Hold Your Sub to look slimmer in photographs!" for upper arms. The "Sub" refers to a sub sandwich about 5 feet long. This is really brilliant.

Note my upper arms. Simple flesh bags. Nothing wrong with that, but they could be better.

I didn't have any 5-foot subs left in the fridge so I decided to Hold the Broom. Just hold the broom. Okay, frig - I just wanna ride the broom. (It's an old broom and I don't know why it's still in such good condition!?)

Note how my upper arms curve inwards at the top now, looking waaaay more toned than reality. It's the best kind of non-fake fakery. I told you it's a good tip. I think Hurley really meant this pose to be for upper body photography, with the sub off camera, but why limit ourselves? We could all carry our brooms everywhere, look fabulous (at least our arms), stop sweeping our floors (check!), and open a bar called Coven.

In the next photo I am doing dramatic squinching and Holding the Sub Broom. It's like you can read my mind: what do you mean brooms are for sweeping? Are you a doofus?

Hurley has another video called "It's all about the Jaw!" about how to create a defined jaw line, which requires sticking out your neck and chin and putting your forehead forward. In real life it looks ridiculous, but it looks great in photos with young models. When I try it, I get fantastic definition too - of my jowls and string neck.

The amazing photographic 3-D effect of sticking out my neck.

Plus, sticking out a neck with poultry-like tendencies is not a good idea, especially around Thanksgiving. I suspect that doing this pose while standing on my head would be a big help, although I'd have to watch out for bags over (under?) my eyes.

And there you have it. By employing these simple techniques, soon we'll all see tons of traffic on our blogs and sit waving to each other on the backroads to Viral Nirvana. If you get a clean break, be sure to honk as you go by. I'll cluck back.

Stay tuned for Part 2 on how to dress right.

In all seriousness, I love Peter Hurley. He is funny, engaging, and knows how to make people look their best. It's good entertainment and information. Have a look.


Carolyn of blog Handmade by Carolyn was in Vancouver from Australia and we local blogger gals rallied. It was like meeting a star! - Carolyn of the handmade clothes, of the handmade shoes, of the handmade boots! Revered sewista of finished seams. She and her husband C had been travelling on the Northwest Coast of Canada and the US and, happy day, they fit in some hours in Vancouver. He took this photo of us.

Left to right: Sveta of blog Sewing Sveta and IG @svetadolsi, Barbara of IG @vancouverbarbara, Sue of blog A Colourful Canvas and IG @acolourfulcanvas, Louisa of blog Damselfly's Delights and IG, Carolyn of blog Handmade by Carolyn and IG @handmadebycarolyn, and me.

We played hard in what little time we had, including a trip to some fabric shops and one of my favourite local alleys. I'm putting in this photo below so I have something to link up with Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. More photos are on Carolyn's and Barbara's social media.

It's so cool too that Carolyn was also wearing her loupe from O. We were loupe-de-loupe! See HERE on Barbara's Instagram.

PS During "brunch," we (except Barbara, driving) had grapefruit mimosas and I had bacon and egg porridge with maple syrup, the perfect drink pairing. Interesting.

Some months ago I sent photos to Marie Claire Netherlands for an article they were doing. I was very excited, naturally. And then I heard nothing. I thought they killed the story. Then on Instagram recently, I got a comment from @roosevaels saying she had seen me in there!?

I wrote to MC again and they said, "Yes, so sorry, we forgot to tell you." So I'm in the May print issue of Marie Claire Netherlands, which is happy news. Bwahaha! Along with Sarah Jane Adams @saramaijewels, Lyn Slater of Accidental Icon and @iconaccidental, and Helen Van Winkle of @baddiewinkle. HUGE THANKS to Marie Claire for including me!!!

Because you can't buy the issue now, it's from May, I'm including the piece on me below. In Dutch, I don't know what it says. "She loves smelling stinky running shoes and eating ladybugs!" Don't believe a word of it. (Bacon in my porridge was true, just that one time though.)
EDIT: Greetje of No Fear of Fashion has translated this article. Thank you!

The machine translation said "All that beige and stretch will bump you off." Hahaha. Close.

And that's my report, done. Yippee!! I know, I know, this could have been several posts but I like doing it in one fell swoop. I hope you made it! 

This is not squinching.

And I'm not really done-done - I've been to other great blogger meetups and to an excellent Slow Clothes fashion show, where Vivian, my personal style client, strut the catwalk. She was soooo good, like a younger Vivienne Westwood.

Okay, NOW I'm done!
May your days be filled with hope and good food! Also, I have responded to all your comments from the last several posts. I really enjoyed it. You guys are the BEST!

The posts about blogger and/or social media fatigue are here:
Suzanne Carillo: Why Bother Writing? Why I Love To Hate Social Media
Samantha at Fake Fabulous: 5 Reasons I Don't Like Social Media
Shelley at Forest City Fashionista: I've Lost The Will To Blog

Tuesday 8 August 2017

Social media tutorial, heh

Part 1: How to use Instagram 
My "student" has her new phone, whilst I, Grand Master Supreme, demonstrate my superior IG expertise with my phone.

Me: Okay, and then you click that button there and you should see that. Oh, you don't see it. Well, go back. No, back, back. And click that. Oh, hmm, not THAT, wait, go back. Oh, yeah, this is a good feature, just click there and then you see... Oops. 

Yeah - no! NO! Click NEXT. Wait, your phone doesn't have NEXT and mine does. Why don't you have NEXT? So we'll go back, no, not there, probably it's here somewhere...

Highly productive, highly. At least we had some booze and breakfast and photo-taking, hot booze, the kind that burns going down but looks so innocent, the colour of fruit. 

And we baked on a rooftop, not as in kitchen. The heat was good just the same, although I didn't get golden brown and a toothpick didn't pop out of my head when I was "done," which would be a neat trick.  

Part 2: How to upload photos from a laptop to Instagram
My "student" has her phone and a laptop. I, Grand Master Supreme, have nothing, absolutely nothing, except a few crumbs of toast on my top.

Me: Right, so, if you upload to here you can... No, wait, not to your laptop, let's try your phone. How did you do that? Show me again. Okay, I see it. Great! It's there! (high fives all around) Hm, I forget what's next.

Student: Didn't you say to go here?

Me: RIGHT! Very good. Now, how about you delete some of this stuff here? No, don't. DON'T! Go back, BACK. Okay, good. Where's your thingie? That little box thing... 

Student: You mean the icon?

Me: Jeez, looks like you're full so you can do another account over here then move those to here and delete those and then just upload there and there. Did you write that down? Oh, oops, forget everything I just said.

The high point was when she clicked on a button that neither of us knew what would happen and it worked. I can't believe how good I am teaching social media! I constantly surprise myself. If you would like to book a tutorial, meet me in the bar. Or find me baking on the roof, chocolate croissants with alligator oven mitts.

I'm throwing a little hibiscus in the mix.
From bark cloth. 
From Hawaii.

Can you hear the ukuleles?
Click HERE to hear the LAVA love song. 
(Thanks, Sue)

I'll link up with Patti at Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style. I'll carry the punch bowl for you this week! In fact, I hope you just put your feet up and enjoy the show. And I'll link up with Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb too. 

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