Monday, 14 January 2019

Thwarting crime in a red catsuit

Below I am in my atelier having cocktails with James Bond (the Sean Connery one). I am smiling because he just thanked me for my stellar work at the hidden volcano last week when I thwarted the plans of the bad guys. 

In reply, I winked and said, "You'll have to work harder if you want to keep up with me, Jim." He smiled back devilishly, tipped his glass, and said, "Perhaps I'll have another." He was drinking wheatgrass, good for the digestion.

"On the rocks, Jim, or neat?" I asked as I sauntered over to the wet bar and popped another carton. "By all means, neat and shaken," he said. It was awkward shaking his green drink after I'd already opened it, but I'm trained for emergencies. I filled a glass and withheld a retch. 


I decided to be dirty and popped a few olives in as well - they were hard to see in the putrid green fluid. And stuck in a bamboo straw because plastic ones are ruining the planet. Finally, on a whim I fished a bag of frozen corn from the freezer where I also keep vodka and old blue jeans.

"Here you go, Jim." He smiled at the bobbing olives. I said, "Next time, be more careful," and dropped the corn on his knee. He winced and saluted.

"Well, I'll leave you to your dirty wheatgrass. I must go. No, don't get up. There's a joystick in the arm there. This chair will take you wherever you want. Mind the wheels under the skirt." And I was off.


I set my hoverboard on High. I had to hurry if I wanted to be on time at city hall to receive the key to the city. That's me below, ready to shake hands with the mayor. The key is ginormous and gold-plated, very unwieldy. In a press scrum after the ceremony I asked the mayor if he could possibly exchange the key for a small fob. My catsuits don't have pockets.

Then I asked, "Where's the door for this key anyway?" "Whaaa...?" the mayor spluttered. His eyes bulged in alarm. "Well, uh, well, I don't know, really." He swiped his sweaty forehead with the palm of his hand. Eeew. "It's got to be around somewhere. It's the key to the city for f#@$'s sake!" He snapped his fingers and was immediately enveloped by consultants in boring suits.

When the mayor turned back to the press, his fists were raised. "Nobody builds a giant door to my city and I don't know about it!" he proclaimed. "I'll get to the bottom of this!" Cameras flashed. The mayor posed. And I knew I had my next big assignment.

I may need help. I hoped Jim hadn't left yet but remembered with relief that I had Johnny English on speed dial. (Johnny English, spoof Brit spy played by Rowan Atkinson, read here.)

And below, on my way home I stopped at the studio to practise my go-go dancing. Of course it is a requisite skill for all international women of action, which is so unfair. Many international male stars just sit around acting like misogynist pigs. 

In fact, I received a dance caution on a previous job, my guest appearance on LOL 40-UP! show, which Sherry Dryja of blog Petite Over 40 and I made. It's on our IGs, here, here, and here. Plus Bloopers, here
Sherry and I had a BLAST!! shooting LOL 40-UP, modeled after the Laugh-In comedy TV series from the '70s. Sherry was in Seattle; I was in Vancouver. But we found a way. It stretched our tolerance of bad jokes and our editing skills. Thanks, Sherry, for coming up with such a freaking fun idea. And thanks to O for his tolerance when our home was blanketed in green screen. The dance clip was made from some green screen takes I made for the show.
I'm wearing my Gordi of Montreal vintage red wool catsuit with rear zip. I always get into trouble when I wear it.

You know what's funny? Although I am a social butterfly, sometimes I feel stuck in the wormy stage, too many feet without enough gorgeous shoes to go around. Slow-moving, hairy, and squishy, particularly in winter. Better than being a mealworm though, which just turns into a beetle.

There was a study which showed no difference between mealworms fed styrofoam for one month and those fed "conventional" food. I'll take the dirty wheatgrass. Who thinks of these experiments? And are they hiring? (That was on Wiki, by the way, but there was a note stating the claim needs a reliable source. Ya think?)

It's a new year since I posted last. I hope you are all well-rested after any holidays you may have had. It's a year for creativity, caring, and humour, you betcha. Big hugs to all of you. Thank you for coming back to Bag and a Beret after this break. I'm very grateful.

I'll be linking up to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. I may see you there!

Hang on to your hoverboards, everyone! Two-thousand nineteen is going to be quite a ride!

ONE MORE THING!!

If you are in a style rut, my friend Sylvia of 40+ Style will be offering some awesome courses to help you feel fabulous. Click the image for details. For her paid courses I get a commission, but you know I never promote stuff like this unless I think it's absolutely awesome. And it is!!! Hurry!!! The Style Challenge is free and on NOW!

Style Course: 21 Steps to a More Stylish You


28 comments:

  1. Look at you, Jane Bond, never mind James! Love this funky red catsuit and your rockin' attitude. Key to the city? You need the freakin' password, baby!

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    1. I need you to work in the volcano with me. Who needs a fob when you can get a password. Hahaha!!

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  2. The videos were great! And I remember Laugh-In, you really nailed it.

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    1. Sherry had the vision and I joined in. We laughed writing jokes and putting together outfits. Thanks!

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  3. You are so International Woman of Action---luvvv it all!!

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    1. Well, I haven't conquered the international part yet, working on it! Hahaha.

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  4. Wow! I immediatly thought: Emma Peel! The Revengers!

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    1. Oh, that's great! That's who I have in mind whenever I wear this red catsuit. Revengers! Yes.

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  5. I do so love it when you sniff the marker pens!!!

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  6. Oh so grooooovy, baby! You and Sherry have a brilliant future as International Women of Mystery, and Go-Go. The Sean Connery Bond was a flaming sexist but still, very suave. Kiss him for me, xox

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    1. I'll take a pass on the kiss. He would have STDs too! Sherry has got the moves - I just move, no definite article there. Heh. xox

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  7. Looking groovalicious in that amazing red catsuit, Mel. James Bond must have been impressed with his new Bond girl! Love that video, it made me laugh out loud on public transport ;-) xxx

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    1. Let's reverse this scene: I was mildly amused by my new Bond Boy Toy. But he wasn't quite up to my game. Heh. Always glad if I can make a fool of my friends on public transport. Hahaha!!

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  8. ....um....Mel! Daniel Craig is James Bond. Baby.

    I feel like I'm staring down at you from my chair in the hair salon.

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    1. Heh. Just so you know, Danny and I are like this (fingers crossed and a smirk on my face). I feel secure knowing I have backup so close at hand!

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  9. wowww, looking gorgeous in Red! an International Woman of Mistery ready to fight against Doctor Evil in a psychedelic background of grooviness!!! once more, wowwwwwwww!
    Love it!!
    besos

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    1. Doctor Evil. Yes. And I made a male version of the Femme Bots. They shoot with other parts of their anatomy but they will attack anything that moves. ??!! Gotta be groovalicious. You're in my club, sistah!! xox

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    2. OmG, Male Bots shooting with their....!!! Obviously I have lots of ideas and they're Not Safe For Work! mwhaha

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  10. That colour looks fantastic on you!

    http://a-woman-of-a-certain-age.com

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  11. This was a totally amusing post. You look great in this red jumpsuit. You could do a remake of the Avengers, remember the British series in the sixties? Be Purdy like Joanna Lumley. You so fit this part.
    And I have been viewing your fun videos with Sherry on IG
    Greetje

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    1. Oh yes, please, I'd be Purdy. Hahaha. Sherry and I had a riot making this show. It's hard doing bad jokes without a laugh track though. We needed you! Thanks, Greetje!

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  12. YOU GOT THE MOVES BABY!! Dust Bunnies everywhere are cowering in corners. Love that video - you need a Netflix series.

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    1. Hahaha, hey, if they can make a show called Dr. Pimple Popper?!!! then why not one called Dust Bunnies. They wouldn't cower with this "space gun." This dust blower sucks, but I'm glad O didn't throw it out! We've had it more than 20 years I think. Vintage!

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  13. YIKES! There's so much happening here!!

    The red catsuit fits you like a dream! You're so wonderfully authentic and this little red reminiscence was an incredible find!! That low slung, decorative belt just SCREAMS 1967!!! You remind me of Twiggy Mel!

    The collaboration video makes me happy! Once again it captures the innocence, wackiness and wholesome goofiness of Laugh-In. You two have a nice chemistry and the bloopers are DARLING dahling! Love, Jude

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