Thwarting crime in a red catsuit

Below I am in my atelier having cocktails with James Bond (the Sean Connery one). I am smiling because he just thanked me for my stellar work at the hidden volcano last week when I thwarted the plans of the bad guys. 

In reply, I winked and said, "You'll have to work harder if you want to keep up with me, Jim." He smiled back devilishly, tipped his glass, and said, "Perhaps I'll have another." He was drinking wheatgrass, good for the digestion.

"On the rocks, Jim, or neat?" I asked as I sauntered over to the wet bar and popped another carton. "By all means, neat and shaken," he said. It was awkward shaking his green drink after I'd already opened it, but I'm trained for emergencies. I filled a glass and withheld a retch. 

I decided to be dirty and popped a few olives in as well - they were hard to see in the putrid green fluid. And stuck in a bamboo straw because plastic ones are ruining the planet. Finally, on a whim I fished a bag of frozen corn from the freezer where I also keep vodka and old blue jeans.

"Here you go, Jim." He smiled at the bobbing olives. I said, "Next time, be more careful," and dropped the corn on his knee. He winced and saluted.

"Well, I'll leave you to your dirty wheatgrass. I must go. No, don't get up. There's a joystick in the arm there. This chair will take you wherever you want. Mind the wheels under the skirt." And I was off.

I set my hoverboard on High. I had to hurry if I wanted to be on time at city hall to receive the key to the city. That's me below, ready to shake hands with the mayor. The key is ginormous and gold-plated, very unwieldy. In a press scrum after the ceremony I asked the mayor if he could possibly exchange the key for a small fob. My catsuits don't have pockets.

Then I asked, "Where's the door for this key anyway?" "Whaaa...?" the mayor spluttered. His eyes bulged in alarm. "Well, uh, well, I don't know, really." He swiped his sweaty forehead with the palm of his hand. Eeew. "It's got to be around somewhere. It's the key to the city for f#@$'s sake!" He snapped his fingers and was immediately enveloped by consultants in boring suits.

When the mayor turned back to the press, his fists were raised. "Nobody builds a giant door to my city and I don't know about it!" he proclaimed. "I'll get to the bottom of this!" Cameras flashed. The mayor posed. And I knew I had my next big assignment.

I may need help. I hoped Jim hadn't left yet but remembered with relief that I had Johnny English on speed dial. (Johnny English, spoof Brit spy played by Rowan Atkinson, read here.)

And below, on my way home I stopped at the studio to practise my go-go dancing. Of course it is a requisite skill for all international women of action, which is so unfair. Many international male stars just sit around acting like misogynist pigs. 

In fact, I received a dance caution on a previous job, my guest appearance on LOL 40-UP! show, which Sherry Dryja of blog Petite Over 40 and I made. It's on our IGs, here, here, and here. Plus Bloopers, here. 

Sherry and I had a BLAST!! shooting LOL 40-UP, modeled after the Laugh-In comedy TV series from the '70s. Sherry was in Seattle; I was in Vancouver. But we found a way. It stretched our tolerance of bad jokes and our editing skills. Thanks, Sherry, for coming up with such a freaking fun idea. And thanks to O for his tolerance when our home was blanketed in green screen. The dance clip was made from some green screen takes I made for the show.

I'm wearing my Gordi of Montreal vintage red wool catsuit with rear zip. I always get into trouble when I wear it.

You know what's funny? Although I am a social butterfly, sometimes I feel stuck in the wormy stage, too many feet without enough gorgeous shoes to go around. Slow-moving, hairy, and squishy, particularly in winter. Better than being a mealworm though, which just turns into a beetle.

There was a study which showed no difference between mealworms fed styrofoam for one month and those fed "conventional" food. I'll take the dirty wheatgrass. Who thinks of these experiments? And are they hiring? (That was on Wiki, by the way, but there was a note stating the claim needs a reliable source. Ya think?)

It's a new year since I posted last. I hope you are all well-rested after any holidays you may have had. It's a year for creativity, caring, and humour, you betcha. Big hugs to all of you. Thank you for coming back to Bag and a Beret after this break. I'm very grateful.

I'll be linking up to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. I may see you there!

Hang on to your hoverboards, everyone! Two-thousand nineteen is going to be quite a ride!

ONE MORE THING!!

If you are in a style rut, my friend Sylvia of 40+ Style will be offering some awesome courses to help you feel fabulous. Click the image for details. For her paid courses I get a commission, but you know I never promote stuff like this unless I think it's absolutely awesome. And it is!!! Hurry!!! The Style Challenge is free and on NOW!

Howl, prowl, smowl - outfits for hunting and avenging

I'm feeling feisty. I like that word - agitated, prickly, energetic. So I dropped myself into a spinning tunnel of love and flowers and intrigue and lightning wearing my Emma Peel/Avengers outfit, which I bought when I was shopping with Suzanne during her visit to Vancouver. Shopping with her always brings out my inner Zoolander. She put a photo on her Instagram when I tried it on - HERE.

This is wool, rear zip, vintage, and clearly groovy, made by Gordi of Montreal. With the cooler morning weather I could finally wear it. I definitely need a soundtrack when I go on top secret spy missions in this outfit. The colour defies digitization. Contrary to what you see here, this is a screaming, SCREEEEAMING, orangy-red.

The next photo was taken in the anteroom of our squash court.

Below is the photo I put on Instagram. I use my finger as a gun, a noodly one. The only thing I could stop with that would be, uh, candy floss. But I think the world would be a better place if suddenly every gun turned into a noodle and every bullet turned into candy floss. We would become a pasta-loving planet high in carbs and sugar with a huge number of wealthy dentists. And I'd make my millions opening a tomato sauce factory.

I got lots of fun Zoolander poses. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap - that's what happens when you're a high-action heroine.

And carrying on the theme below... In fact I wore this sexay number a few days before that first one. Guh - could you even imagine a garment so deluxe in your wildest dreams? Again, "SOUNDTRAACK!!" I scream like screamy Frau Farbissina from Austin Powers. Another outfit designed for pouncing.

Pao, author of the blog Project Minima, gave me this piece of divinity at the blogger meetup in Vancouver last summer. It was sewn by her mother many years ago and I am honored to carry on her spirit through style.

While I was on my inspiration walk wearing this, a driver on a busy street screeched to a stop at the curb to shout, "THAT IS THE BEST OUTFIT I'VE EVER SEEN!" Bwahaha. Of course I launched into the story of Pao and her mum and the blogger meetup while cars pulled around her.

This vintage extravaganza consists of a jersey front-zip onepiece with a matching button-up quilted overskirt. A big rhinestone is nested in the center of each button. Note the golden silky lining and the matching quilted tie belt. So utterly fabulous.

I'll link something here up with Patti at Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style, and Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike, Not Dressed as Lamb.

This outfit brought out my scowl/smile, known as a smowl, rhymes with howl and prowl. I was imagining a roar. Don't forget, I was alone in a parking lot making these faces for my tripod, but mere meters away from a busy sidewalk - proof of how professionally aloof I am to the seething reality around me. It's is a special skill, yesh.

This post is tardy. I am tardy. Pffft. Can't be helped. (smowl)

Usually when people express interest in my style, at the end of a conversation I might shove a crumpled bit of napkin with my blog addressed scratched into it with a blotty pen. Sooo professional. So I finally ordered real cards. Now my life will be perfect.

I've photographed other outfits since my last post too, which you can see on Instagram HERE. You don't have to join IG to look. And you can search for things that interest you, e.g., paisleypants. When you click a photo, it pops up bigger. Also, if you sign up with Instagram, you will be able to comment, and you don't need a cell phone to do that. So that's a little FYI. I'd put them here but this post would be too long.

I hope you're all having a stellar life at the moment! If not, HANG ON!!! I'll send Emma ASAP with her noodle gun and candy floss maker. If only life were so easy...