Saturday, 18 November 2017

How to wear fitted onesies over 55 for high adventure

Give me a purple or red fitted onesie and I'm on, hunting down baddies with headquarters in remote island volcanoes or exploring the Earth as a possible off-planet colony for my People. It happens every time. 

So here I am, still in the purple onesie from the West Vancouver United Church Flea Market, which I posted on here - I took it off in between though. The stirrup feet are miracles because they pull the fabric taut for an overall smoothing effect, which: 1) is calming when wearing a body-con outfit that flirts dangerously with my boundaries of public comfort; 2) provides streamlining for fast, comfortable deep space travel.

But first, let me write about that coat. That frickin' amazing coat from frickin' amazing Shelley of Forest City Fashionista. It came in a bulging envelope last week, along with something else equally amazing, which I am holding back from posting for delayed gratification. 

This photo is called golden leaf

Vivid fuchsia, vivid. By Danier, suede with shaggy fuchsia trim. It's almost (maybe, kinda, if-I'm-feelin'-glass-half-full) long enough for buttoxil area coverage (essential), but I brought along a stretch skirt in case I started feeling exposed, like I did behind the Strip shop below. Aliens must try to blend in.

They say, strip; I say, cover up. I'm practising being human by being unpredictable. Of course I wouldn't need the skirt if I were wearing a maxi coat, but this coat overruled all other outerwear considerations. Plus it has a secret weapon. Read on.

I swoon for that '60s groovy sci-fi vibe. Below, calling the Mother Ship with my Mantis. Or occupants of inter-planetary craft. Either will do, as long as their flight attendants serve Cheez Whiz ("processed cheese spread"), Space Food Sticks, ("developed for the U.S. Space Program"), and gherkin pickles (pickles).

I'm so glad I found this red wall! It's my first time here. These photos remind me of the piece Shelley did for VOGOFF magazine, where she's also calling her Mother Ship. 

The Purple People Eater, video clip, 1958 hit by Sheb Wooley)

When I was passing through Nordstrom during my inspiration walk, I ran into two friends who fell hard for this coat. Of course, I was keen to draw their attention to the glory of my spacesuit onesie as well, so I boldly hoisted the skirt to where no man has gone bef...* Oops, same era/genre, wrong script! To my high thighs to demonstrate its all-in-one-ness, which felt risqué, despite still being fully clothed. Well -

I needn't have worried one bit - they wouldn't have batted an eye if I had begun shooting ping-pong balls from my

Running in the vortex in Ackery's Alley

mouth, been wrapped in tentacles and slathered in Cheez Whiz and pickles - the coat had them in its thrall. They couldn't keep their hands off my cuffs and collar - the hypnotic power of the trim was alarmingly potent. (Note to self: Trim as secret weapon for future invasion strategy.) I almost had to Mantis them!

In the end, I gave up the onesie show and pulled my skirt back into place. Some stars, like the coat, shine brighter than others I suppose. 

Below, more evidence of the Fitted-Onesie Phenomenon (FOP) of super-sleuth/alien: my Emma Peel impression near the passport office, in a photo taken by Sandra Bernabei of Standard Deviations.

I'm wearing my vintage red wool knit onesie with original sewn-in belt at the hip, made by Gordi of Montreal. Also here. The seam threads were disintegrating so I had to resew the whole thing. Well worth it.

Below, a sneak peek in my bedroom. Is it possible I was abducted by one of the Occupants?!

And then I feast on a light breakfast. It's the new alternative energy.

To be clear, this post has been all about the SEO (search engine optimization), but you knew that, right? Now my blog will be inundated with hoards of women over 55 clamouring for tips on FOP. But to be fair, these tips can apply to any age. I'm sorry if I made anyone feel excluded.

That's it for now. I'll be linking up to Patti at Visible Monday on her blog Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike on her blog Not Dressed as Lamb.

May the FOP be with you, friends.

*From the original Star Trek TV series, 1966-69, line from the opening voiceover by Captain James T. Kirk. Relive it HERE.
Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Okay, now you'll be humming that opening theme all day. You're welcome. Heh.


  1. But what is the SEO? I've been scrolling back and forth. Did I miss it? Am I out of the loop (yes!)? I adore your bedroom photos where you own natural light shines forth the brightest. I feel aliens should be allowed to be themselves and not try to assimilate. Let your true beauty shine forth!!!
    Xo Jazzy Jack

    1. Hahaha, SEO, it's a thing where you try to optimize your writing and tags, etc., to get the highest possible ranking in search engine results in Google, etc., so people will look to you and your blog as an expert in a topic. Highly, highly critical. I shouldn't laugh - people make big money at this when they do it right. Or maybe I REALLY don't understand SEO.
      Yes, I'm all for the natural shining through no matter what I wear! xo

  2. Star Trek Next Gen had to change it to “where no ONE has gone before”! To be politically correct and all. And yes, I have an ear worm now. Thank you, Oh Amazingly Bright One!

    1. Yes, when I was looking for the video clip I heard that Next Gen one. Oh, no, no, no. It MUST be the original to work, heh. If they want to change it, they have to get Shatner himself to do it. I'll do the oooo, aaaah back vocals. That would get of your ear worm PDQ! Hahaha!!! xo

  3. Fab onesies. That Shelley! – she's a true friend. Did I miss the secret??? Love the red wall and vortex alley. And you, my dear, always look wonderful whether in a onesie or a twenty-onesie – Calling the mothership or hanging bat-like in your bedroom pod.

    1. Thanks, Barbara. I fixed the text - the TRIM is the secret weapon. Hahaha. That's a great alley, isn't it? I found out about it at the party. xox

  4. OMG, that jacket! Gawd, Danier did some crazyass sh*t over the years, but I've never seen anything like that jacket before. It's amazing on you! I'm still boggled by your ability to wear onesies - so very daring.

    That pailette-covered bomber is the BOMB! Boom, goes the dynamite!

  5. I LOVE, love, love, love that coat!!! That is a beautiful shade and those nice fur cuffs!

  6. I am soooo happy to see THE COAT having kickass adventures with you! She is the perfect topper for your splendiferous onesie. You are correct, the fluffy fur trim is the secret weapon, and can be used to distract evil doers.

  7. Oh my stars, that coat is possibly from this planet, but out of this world in its beauty. (tried for a few more KEY WORDS in there.) And the onesie is like a thousand-ie in its versatility and Grace Jones vibes. Brilliant as always my friend, xox


  8. That onesie is clearly muse-wear and may also be the most perfect garment in the universe! It's got style, color, comfort, attitude, sleek slinkiness and paired with the furry, fuchsia jacket from Shelly you are truly out of this world Melanie! When I find a piece that brings JOY to my heart I want MORE MORE MORE. Since I've matured I think it may be wise to simply cherish this special ONE..sie.
    Your bomber covered in pailettes is the fancy cousin to one I purchased in a consignment shop. Mine has white and silver sequins on just the sleeves.
    Love, Jude

  9. that red wall and your happy colors will brighten any November day.

  10. I freaking love that purple onsie and that coat!!!!!!!

  11. Shelley is the best! That coat is to die for - I love it!

  12. The coat/the onesie, the onesie/the coat - they're both amazing!

    Anna x

  13. You have a perfect body for a onesie. Or a fitted onesie. I really like it in the first picture with the TERRIFIC coat. Even better than with the skirt. But like you, I would feel exposed going into the real world with just a onesie and a short coat.
    It is indeed a terrific coat. Colourwise, fit, material, fluffiness. What a lovely present from Shelley.
    All other photos and outfits are equally good. The last one too (I love sequins). Please tell us if you hear back from the mothership. (Great red wall.)

  14. oohhh, the purple onesie is Fabulous but even more ÜberFäbulous (with Capitals and dieresis) when worn with the Pink Coat. I would stop you in the street to comment on this awesome piece! and would stare at it even if you had been wrapped in tentacles. For sure!.
    And the blue skirt adds another touch of color and fun!
    Love your sequined jacket too!. Love everything indeed!

  15. Your pics are the are a visual genius, really.


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