Saturday, 21 December 2019

Intrepid explorer (and some style stuff)

I'm spinning! I'm twirling! Hahaha! Hahahahaaa!!
[swell of orchestra
Now I'm singing, SINGING - 

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE SOUND OF -
Mel Kobayashi Bag and a Beret The Soundlessness of Music
OOF.
*#&*!!!

Hello again. Excuse me while I brush off the shrubbery. The gazelle in the background dropped a few coins in my hat - to make me go away. 

I thought that since I'm back after a bit of a break I should get serious here and share pithy quips on style secrets. And serious photos, like this one:

Mel Kobayashi Bag and a Beret - colourful tights and muppet coat
Karl Lagerfeld leather skirt, donation from a generous neighbour

But I kinda blew it. I still think it's only fair, in this age of fake news, to tell you what's going on with me since September. 

Four things I have been doing since my last blog post

1. Starting a family - better late than never I always say

In the media, I'm often lumped in with women over 50 and called a granny, even though I don't have kids. Well, hey, why not get on board with that? Most people have kids in a hit/miss kind of way, before they're 57. I by-passed all that rigmarole and ordered them from a miracle lab run by Scientist Badinoff.


That's right. Quints! All mine, all me. After this success, I'm going to do it again in about ten years with the aim of becoming the oldest woman on Earth to give birth to octuplets. The record now is by a woman 66, for twins. Laughable. And these kids only take three months to grow in a dish. Whee!! It's so easy I could populate a country. Oooh...

I wept when my darlings leapt from their incubators for the first time in Louboutins and Doc Martens, singing show tunes from Cabaret. So proud. These babies will be fully adult in another month, at which time I can put them to work and O can check out of the Facility. He did not hand out cigars. 

2. Testing an eco-friendly clothing/species

I am worried about the environment so I devised a way to eliminate heavy winter clothing and even winter itself! Again with Scientist Badinoff (SB), I've been the subject of genetic testing for my human/bear hybrid design, featuring a human head and hands, and bear fur over the rest to stay warm and cozy while sleeping through the entire winter season! 

Hibernating in a cave would eliminate home decorating anxiety and the need for cleaning for several months at least. Plus, I love gorging before sleeping. And I like honey, salmon, and blueberries; those cave diets are so in. (I'm afraid a cave shortage may be a problem if this works out, although some men already have man caves.) 

It appears SB got the fur part right, but only on my legs, and there are a few strips on my chin (wrong appendage!, am considering a lawsuit), but I do tend to hibernate for a while each day in my living room, which, depending on the day, may be cave-like, so perhaps we're on the right track. I have not yet tested the truth of what bears do in the woods. 

Mel Kobayashi Bag and a Beret - Vint and York Amore progressive glasses
Glasses from Vint and York in New York, with progressive lenses, my first ever, and they are amazing!! Amore frames, dahling. Outfit similar to the one in the first photo.

3. Followed my calling - became a high priestess

A new career! Soon I will open my first unmonastery, where acolytes can take vows of screamery, not silence, goodness, no. I figured the Arctic would be a splendid location.

As luck would have it, that's where Jim (Mr. Bond to you) built me a secret lair (although it was a bit eetjit-y to sculpt my face on it if it's secret) as a surprise Christmas gift for saving his ass last year, read about it HERE. He couldn't put it under the tree so he sneakily preprogrammed my private luxury submarine to take me there. 

It's a huge space, rather remote, not quite Rushmore, but I'm Canadian and this will do; it will melt soon anyway - I hope the wrinkles melt first. I decided this lair would be perfect for my unmonastery. So I am taking reservations for acolytes for 2020. Morning screaming, afternoon screaming, and lovely sunset screaming, if there is any sun to set. Luxury accommodations if you can manage your way past the entrance. Or buy your franchise license now to be part of my global unmonastery movement.

Mel Kobayashi Bag and a Beret - unmonastery for screaming
Preparing for my first acolytes. All systems go.

4. Popping wheelies on Mars - space travel!

Speaking of all systems go, I almost forgot... I spent a couple of weeks off planet too.

Suzanne gave me a metallic silver moto jacket and I thought I should put it to use in space, where it belongs. As the world now knows, my first lunar mission was in January 2017. You can read about it HERE. Well, been there, done that, I chose Mars this time. 

Mel Kobayashi Bag and a Beret - charging her space suit
Charging my space suit before takeoff

NASA loaned me a bigger than-life-size spaced-out Barbie camper so I could boot around, do doughnuts (because Mars is like one huge vacant parking lot), and watch Netflix in comfort. They even snuck a snack into my rebreather, perhaps a peeled potato, shown in the left corner. I'm wasn't sure how to access it, but it's the thought that counts. It's now encased in the Smithsonian, known as "Mel Mars Potato."

The Canadian government has been hush-hush about this mission as well because they funded it, but they liked that the red planet matches the Canadian flag quite nicely, good for selfies. And politics is all about style.

Mel Kobayashi Bag and a Beret - on Mars

That's all.

I guess what I've been doing all this time is rolling with the punches of life, although this was more like shadow boxing. And I'll just say right now - can we drop the whole when-life-gives-you-lemons-you-make-lemonade thing? I prefer:

When life gives you a secret lair, make an unmonastery. 

Wrapping things up, some real music. This scene creeps me out now. The lyrics creep me out too. I loved Gidget movies growing up; now my nostalgia has more patina, less shine. It is what it is. It's a pity that Gidget had to blunt her edges. Maybe she would have become a blogger in later years.



The Female Trouble sweater is Gidget-pre-blunt-worthy, but I'm glad of all the other associations with this phrase as well (Female Trouble, not blunt). The sweater was a gift from the London-based company HADES quite a while ago, pure virgin wool, made in Scotland. "It's so dreamy, Moon Doggy!" (from a Gidget movie). Coat from students in the VCC fashion program.

Mel Kobayashi Bag and a Beret - Female Trouble - HADES

And I was featured in a literary blog for, guess what? Creative writing. I gob-smacked myself, what a mess. Madam Mayo pointed out things about my writing that I'm not aware of in the process. For that I am grateful - it's nice to know what I'm doing, the forest-for-the-trees thing again. Thanks, C. M. Mayo, for this review! HERE.

And Who What Wear included me in their article, "These Outfits From the 50-Plus Crowd Are My Favorite From the Whole Year." Thank you! Swipe and you'll see Shelley too. She took that photo of me and then we switched and I took that one of her. And Patti of Not Dead Yet Style is also in there, along with a bunch of other friends. If the list were mine to make, we'd ALL be in there. 

Happy holidays. Merry Christmas is what I grew up saying, and like my feelings for Gidget, its edge as a season seems blunted. I hope that we can all find ways to sit back and relax for a while, eat great food, have lots of laughs, and maybe take a tour of Mars in a Barbie camper. What do you think?

Thanks for dropping by. It's been a long time. I edited this so it might be easier to follow but there my be more changes later too. And I'm linking up with Patti at Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style. Hellooo!! 

PS I got the Hamster Habitat (rebreather) photo from JediLofty GNU Free Documentation License, Ver. 1.2


21 comments:

  1. I wondered why my Secret Spy Phone just kept ringing and ringing when I dialed your Secret Spy Number. You were out! Busy with quints and bear hybrids and wowing the world and Mars with your greatness! I'm intrigued by the screaming unmonastery. Is it heated?

    Until we can meet up in a secret lair with your face on it, I bid you adieu. Onward and upwards and cheers to your Unwavering Fabulosity and Creativity!

    Hugs,
    Sherry

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    1. Poor cell reception in the North, you're right. Yes, the unmonastery is well heated, unlike the real ones. Every luxury, no expense spared. Chocolates morning, noon, and night, and lots of divans and kitten heel feather slippers. I'll save space for you! xo

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  2. Oh I'm so glad you decided to write again...I needed some laughs!


    How unfair that the potato was inaccessible. I suppose it was meant to drive you mad. And I fear that lately politics has been more about style. If only as much care went into international relations as choosing the perfect socks...sigh.

    Bravo for getting some recognition for your whacky and entertaining writing. It's about time!

    I salut you and your babies!

    Suzanne
    http://www.suzannecarillo.com

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    1. It was rather cruel to make the potato inaccessible but at least I had chips while I did doughnuts. Thanks for part of my spacesuit. It felt good to flex the dormant part of my brain for a while. Heh. xo

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  3. I had to read it about 3 times before I understood what the hell you are talking about. And I'm not sure I get it all! Ha ha, but it's fun! It's you! Hope to see you on my Fancy Friday link up party.

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    1. Yes, well, being a top secret spy we are trained to disguise are thoughts in clever and vague ways in which you think there is nothing to get. Heh. I missed your party - I'm missing all the parties. But huge hugs and thanks for the invitation. Thanks for visiting! xo

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  4. huh? Nice to see you again, Mel. yeah.

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    1. Hahaha! I rewrote parts of this to make it easier to understand, although I'm not sure that helps. Thanks for dropping by, Pao. xo

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  5. OK I officially did not get any of this. Like Nancy I read it a couple of times to find out you are telling stories, imaginary stuff. The language is a barrier here.
    Greetje

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    1. Oh, Greetje, this is all 100% true! Hahaha! You'd like Mars. Come with me next time. In fact, I did some rewriting to make it slightly easier to understand. Thanks for the effort!! Big hugs. xox

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  6. Nice to see you blogging, Mel! I laughed out loud, all the way through, so thank you for that! xxx

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    1. Whew. Glad you figured it out enough to laugh. Hahaha! I had fun writing this. And playing with the photos, even though they are all 100% true and accurate and original, direct from the camera. xo

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  7. I'd just been wondering where you'd gotten to, Mel! I should have known you've been cooped up in your Secret Lair with Your Face As a Door, plotting to take over the world! I just take in the words and let the emotions run roughshod over me.

    Wishing you a peaceful holiday season, my dear.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you let my words have recess all over you! I felt great posting again. A bit rusty but happy. Thanks so much for visiting. I hope you had a great holiday. I shall drop by SE to catch up. xox

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  8. Lovely to see you back at the blog, Mel! And congrats on the mini-me-quints. Kudos for skipping all that pregnancy and delivery thing.

    And Mars! Since watching "Watchmen" I wonder if you might run into Dr. Manhattan there - a huge blue man who runs around naked and has superpowers. He'd be divine to include in our next meet-up.

    You are a completely original and delightful writer, among numerous other compelling qualities. Sandy and I were laughing our cushioned a$$es off. Keep doing what you do, xox.

    Patti
    http://notdeadyetstyle.com

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    1. Oh, those quints. They already got their PhD in ghostbusting, nuclear physics, advanced cookery, geology, and economics. So proud. I have to find Dr. Manhattan on my next voyage!! I'll be sure to invite him! So glad you got a laugh. Thanks, Patti. xox

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  9. I too have been watching "Watchmen" so when Patti mentioned Dr. Manhattan, it made me laugh as a large, well-muscled blue man would make an excellent companion for you on Mars! I would like to reserve a spot in the UnMonastery if you don't mind.
    I enjoyed reading Ms Mayo's positive dissection of your blog writing, and seeing the photo I took of you in the Favourite Outfits post.

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    1. Clearly I need that big blue man!! Hahaha. Yes, I have a spot reserved for you, Shelley. And a special menu and manu (Dr. Blue) on standby. Screamery is so cathartic. Your photos just keep on giving, Shelley. I had such a great time that day. The energy is in each shot. xox

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  10. Viva!!! Here's to more Karl Lagerfeld! More spacesuits! More big bougainvillea glasses!
    PS Thanks for the mention.

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    1. My pleasure to mention you, just wish I could have done it sooner. I was chuffed to be highlighted on your blog. Thank you! Yes, more spacesuits! And bougainvillea glasses! Heh. xo

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  11. You need your own tv show! I could recreate your silver look- I have some pewter glittery leggings and a jacket....
    Love your space looks!

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