How to crank up your existence

I was walking down the sidewalk this week and I found, like, a million gold coins just sitting there on the sidewalk. I couldn't believe it! I didn't pick them up because I thought the child behind me might enjoy the thrill more.

See what I did there? I incorporated POWER FACTS into that story.

In Reality, that dull plane of existence, I found a dime and left it for the kid. But why write REALITY FACTS when you can write POWER FACTS, not to be confused with ALTERNATIVE FACTS - which are just reality in reverse - or power yoga, power walking or power lawnmowers. POWER FACTS are facts jacked-up.

For example:

• POWER FACT: I am a neurological specialist on the verge of a Nobel Prize after 80 years working in the field. 
• REALITY FACT: I think a lot, ever since I can remember, and my friend said I'm smart, which was a nice thing to say. And I have done lots of thinking in fields and the outdoors in general. 

The better option is a no-brainer.

New old neon coral coat with acid-lime green pants, which I bell-bottomed, and my repaired booties

My friends are all Nobel Prize-winners themselves - which means they are really cool. See? Again, POWER FACTS. In my comments about their outfits on social media I often write:

Fantastic! Love it! 

Awesome! Right on! 

Amazing! Amazeballs! 

Fabulous! So good!

These are REAL POWERFUL FACTS, but they tend to lose their power when they are repeated over and over. I can't help it if you are all Goddesses from Planet 9 (in a good way). It's like if you say the word mansion 20 times in a row it starts to sound like what? Like nothing, like a limp noodle or a marshmallow.

Wouldn't it be so much better, instead of leaving words I could just transport that little thrill I get when I see cool stuff by way of electrodes from my head into your head?

But no, they already have that, it's called drugs, minus the electrodes. My comment in this case would be: This outfit is so great I think you should take a little hit of that drug. No, no, don't do that!!, also because I wouldn't be able to guarantee a positive trip to my response. For example, if your drug is chocolate chip cookies, what good would my compliment be when you can't fit into that amazeballs outfit anymore?

So I guess I'll stick to REAL POWERFUL FACTS in my comments even if they start to read as gibberish.

What I think is happening is like Shepard tones, example below. This is when a sound keeps going up FOREVER. Don't listen to the whole thing, unless of course I've given you a big compliment and you're having a good trip. (?!!)

Every octave higher it goes, another exclamation point goes on. I guess I need to put a lid on it. I wonder if that's where the expression came from?

And while it's good that real facts, real news, keep me grounded, often in a very destabilizing way, I suspect it wouldn't hurt to add a few POWER FACTS, again, not ALTERNATIVE FACTS, just jacked-up facts to make it better.

Various examples:

"'You ripped my pants off,' passenger shouts" How about, "Pants annihilated in space shuttle"? Her pants were presumably destroyed by said ripping and she was in an aircraft (I read the article). Or "Shattered trademark threatens transport". In any case, "Woman needs lawyer stat!"

"Serena Williams's post-baby underwear selfie game is on point" No words.

"Police hit by flying butter knives in booby trapped home" See? This is already a POWER FACT. Someone is onto my Nobel-prize-winning concept. Or not...?

"Don't laugh: A $1,000 iPhone could be a great move for Apple" How about (LMAO) "Handing your retirement fund to Apple would be a great move for them"? 

Well, that's quite a load off my supercomputer genius friggin' mind. ⇦ I leave those words for you to determine: real fact, alternative fact, or power fact. Or, wait! It could be a factoid, which is a whole different creature, an important one that I don't have time to get into now. I've heard they eat noodles and marshmallows.

Emporio Armani suit with toolbox hand bag, dotted blouse, fat tie, and, critically-important fan

I hope you have fun with POWER FACTS this week. I had fun with POWER STYLE.

*Those headlines are all real, gleaned from the real news. These are generally known as unreal real facts. Given recent news, there is too much unreal real news. Time to clothe-up and spread the love around our neighbourhoods.

I'll link something up to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for Visible Monday and Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb for #iwillwearwhatilike. See you later, kittehs!

Stark in black and white, and me with shades of grey

I'm laughing.

I'm laughing and running. 

Oh, what fun!

Had I not removed the background from that photo you would see that I'm running smack into the wall of my concrete box studio. Yesh. Tra-la-la. A grand escape from reality. But why?

Please refer to Exhibit A, below. Woman with Cart and Fan. It's come to this. No matter how fast my trot, there is no avoiding the cart and the fan ⇽ Read that like a narrator in a horror flick and insert scream HERE.

I had been putting off the cart for some time now, lugging home my groceries every day with only frigging enviro-friendly bags with handles that keep frigging falling off. It's what happens when you turn into a cheap beast of burden with a conscience and pretty, ill-made enviro-friendly bags.

Then, last week, I saw a woman around my age at the library with a gosh-darn swell cart. I approached her and said, "Oh, I love your cart. Where'd you get it?" She looked up surprised and laughed. She said her mother had given it to her as a gift and she wasn't sure at the time whether to be happy or cry. "I'm too young for a cart!" was her thought. We both had a good laugh about that one.

Now that she had a nice cart, with brilliant images of fruits and vegetables all over it (she likes to cook), her daughter in her 20s is always swiping it. Soon we'll all be [scary music] dum dum dum CART PEOPLE!

Which reminds me, there's a great Japanese horror flick from 1963 called Attack of the MUSHROOM PEOPLE. Matango is the Japanese title. Great movie. A claaassic. You can watch it here, English version, at least for now.

My sailor-style Sanchez pants, so-named because it is embroidered on the waistband.

Emboldened by my encounter and facing a big food expedition, the next day I went into two discount stores to check out their cart selection. It was now or never. In the end I decided on this cart with white-dotted black vinyl, one of only three or so designs to choose from. And white wobblish wheels. As consolation, I got the best deal.

AND I grabbed a fan while I was in there too. Puh, I thought when I got home, you call this a fan!? Looks like I'll need to add extensions about, say, a foot long now that my summers come from within, which is the most poetic way of putting it.

Woman with Cart and Fan. Dress from TALIZE thrift store in Delta, BC. Converse runners.

I was mighty pleased with my new cart and fan, thinking how relaxed my stroll home from shopping would be this time. I started mentally listing all the heavy things I could buy to celebrate - pickles, water balloons, paving stones.

Passersby were smiling at me. Yes, I believe they wanted carts too! Only a cart could create such a joyful expression on my face. Or maybe they wanted to dress up like nursies in oversized white dresses like mine.  This dress is identical to my traffic cone dress I posted on recently, both from TALIZE in Delta. Score!!

This last photo is a psychological portrait. CART. FAN. mel. But not in a bad way.

I was worried that my cart may affect my bad assery. Au contraire, friends. Now I can head over the hill with a Mona Lisa smile and nobody will know what hit them - my cart of course, careening wildly behind me. And the fan, it will keep me oh so cool, baybee.

Clearly, I'll need to fark this cart and I have some ideas. And the fan too. Sheila of Ephemera has decorated several fans with wonderful Zentangle drawings using felt pens and watercolour pencils, here. My fan is a plasticy blue fabric purchased in an emergency, but I know I can find a plain one. I'm excited.

And the final piece because I can't go without a big PS. THE BIG PS:



LOVE IT, my awesome T-shirt by Suzanne Carillo. The best! Worn with my men's Calvin Klein flowy robe, Dolce & Gabbana shoes, and vintage sunglasses. And of course my loupe by O - you can get one now too on his Etsy shop HERE.

There have also been some stellar meetups this week - Deb, Barb, Judith, and hi! to Sandra, whom I met at Vancouver Art Gallery yesterday.

I'll link up to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for her ever-popular Visible Monday, and Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb for her wonderful #iwillwearwhatilike, in this case, I will wheel what I like.

How about you? Are you a cart person? I had one when I was in uni for my massive laundry hauls; I never envisioned the day would come I need it for groceries!

Have a stellar week, all!! xo