Stark in black and white, and me with shades of grey

I'm laughing.

I'm laughing and running. 

Oh, what fun!

Had I not removed the background from that photo you would see that I'm running smack into the wall of my concrete box studio. Yesh. Tra-la-la. A grand escape from reality. But why?

Please refer to Exhibit A, below. Woman with Cart and Fan. It's come to this. No matter how fast my trot, there is no avoiding the cart and the fan ⇽ Read that like a narrator in a horror flick and insert scream HERE.

I had been putting off the cart for some time now, lugging home my groceries every day with only frigging enviro-friendly bags with handles that keep frigging falling off. It's what happens when you turn into a cheap beast of burden with a conscience and pretty, ill-made enviro-friendly bags.

Then, last week, I saw a woman around my age at the library with a gosh-darn swell cart. I approached her and said, "Oh, I love your cart. Where'd you get it?" She looked up surprised and laughed. She said her mother had given it to her as a gift and she wasn't sure at the time whether to be happy or cry. "I'm too young for a cart!" was her thought. We both had a good laugh about that one.

Now that she had a nice cart, with brilliant images of fruits and vegetables all over it (she likes to cook), her daughter in her 20s is always swiping it. Soon we'll all be [scary music] dum dum dum CART PEOPLE!

Which reminds me, there's a great Japanese horror flick from 1963 called Attack of the MUSHROOM PEOPLE. Matango is the Japanese title. Great movie. A claaassic. You can watch it here, English version, at least for now.

My sailor-style Sanchez pants, so-named because it is embroidered on the waistband.

Emboldened by my encounter and facing a big food expedition, the next day I went into two discount stores to check out their cart selection. It was now or never. In the end I decided on this cart with white-dotted black vinyl, one of only three or so designs to choose from. And white wobblish wheels. As consolation, I got the best deal.

AND I grabbed a fan while I was in there too. Puh, I thought when I got home, you call this a fan!? Looks like I'll need to add extensions about, say, a foot long now that my summers come from within, which is the most poetic way of putting it.

Woman with Cart and Fan. Dress from TALIZE thrift store in Delta, BC. Converse runners.

I was mighty pleased with my new cart and fan, thinking how relaxed my stroll home from shopping would be this time. I started mentally listing all the heavy things I could buy to celebrate - pickles, water balloons, paving stones.

Passersby were smiling at me. Yes, I believe they wanted carts too! Only a cart could create such a joyful expression on my face. Or maybe they wanted to dress up like nursies in oversized white dresses like mine.  This dress is identical to my traffic cone dress I posted on recently, both from TALIZE in Delta. Score!!

This last photo is a psychological portrait. CART. FAN. mel. But not in a bad way.

I was worried that my cart may affect my bad assery. Au contraire, friends. Now I can head over the hill with a Mona Lisa smile and nobody will know what hit them - my cart of course, careening wildly behind me. And the fan, it will keep me oh so cool, baybee.

Clearly, I'll need to fark this cart and I have some ideas. And the fan too. Sheila of Ephemera has decorated several fans with wonderful Zentangle drawings using felt pens and watercolour pencils, here. My fan is a plasticy blue fabric purchased in an emergency, but I know I can find a plain one. I'm excited.

And the final piece because I can't go without a big PS. THE BIG PS:



LOVE IT, my awesome T-shirt by Suzanne Carillo. The best! Worn with my men's Calvin Klein flowy robe, Dolce & Gabbana shoes, and vintage sunglasses. And of course my loupe by O - you can get one now too on his Etsy shop HERE.

There have also been some stellar meetups this week - Deb, Barb, Judith, and hi! to Sandra, whom I met at Vancouver Art Gallery yesterday.

I'll link up to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for her ever-popular Visible Monday, and Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb for her wonderful #iwillwearwhatilike, in this case, I will wheel what I like.

How about you? Are you a cart person? I had one when I was in uni for my massive laundry hauls; I never envisioned the day would come I need it for groceries!

Have a stellar week, all!! xo

You faltered

Was it my gold sequins? Electric pink lipstick? Maybe my high-heel biker boots. Whatever it was, it caught your eye - and your imagination - and you faltered. I saw it. You were thinking - and you may have even told me - that you wish you could wear what I'm wearing but you couldn't possibly "pull it off."

Dear, oh dear.

"Get away with it" and "pull it off" - that's what bank robbers and hard-core criminals say when they've pulled a job and eluded the coppers. But now it usually refers to the daring of wearing a splodge of aubergine with - gasp! - orange. Have our standards of risk-taking sunk to such lows?

How did we get from bank-robbing to clashing colours as criminal behaviour? What does this say about our standards? What's next? Your partner brings home some laundry detergent and you offer a night of wild sexual favours in return? (Okay ---, I know this is de rigeur for you, but for everyone else, you know what I'm saying?)

One day I bumped into a friend while I was shopping and we ended up talking about style, as usual. He dresses for New York; I dress for wherever I happened to land that day, so we have a lot in common. I was whining about the lack of magazines for deviant women over 50, especially in Canada, and how our preeminent magazine for that demographic, targeted to "boomers with zip," was definitely NOT FOR ME.



To give you an example, it has a SPIRIT section which features: happiness, faith, obituaries, nostalgia/humour. There is excessive coverage of British royals and Hollywood from news feeds and an emphasis on getting Canadian seniors to sign up for CARP, the Canadian Association of Retired Persons. So now we're simply known as fish, bottom-feeders at that. That's something to carp about (bwahaha, couldn't help myself). [Edit: The mag has been slightly revamped and the obits are gone. Genius move!]

Wearing "Dressed to Piss You Off" T-shirt made for me by Suzanne Carillo, maxi denim coat she scouted for me at Talize thrift store, psychedelic tights, low heel ankle boots, and jewels, JEWELS! 

He suggested that I write up a pitch for the kind of magazine I'd like to see, and although I knew our banter was more sport than business, I decided to do the exercise anyway. Here's what I came up with:

Anna Wintour on crack in paint-splattered vintage bell bottoms and a frayed sequin halter top, shrieking, "Stop telling me what to do!" An anti-style-bullying magazine for boomer/Gen X women gone wild, and a sexy, fun flirtation with the wild side for armchair fashionistas. Ba-bye retirement planning, hello hellcats.

I'm going to hook this up with:

Anne at SpyGirl, 52 Pick-me-up: Aqua, Vanity, Transformation

Patti at Not Dead Yet Style, Visible Monday

Cathering at Not Dressed as Lamb, #iwillwearwhatilike. 

I haven't been making the rounds as I hoped - too much work!! But I glance through. You guys are schtellar. You're all schtars, I tell you! It's the colour on the inside that counts!

My scroogy Valentine's day

I leapt out of bed and immediately flung open the window.
"Oy, Boy, you down there, what day is today?" I shouted to the miscreant on the sidewalk.
"Why, Miss (heh), this is Valentine's Day, 2015."
I clapped my hands and jumped with glee. Then I threw a 20-dollar-bill down to the feckless youth.
"Boy, hie thee to the nearest hosiery shop and buy me some psychedelic-patterned leggings!" His eyes grew big with astonishment. "And keep the change!" I laughed.
"Begging your pardon, Miss, there's no feckin' way you'll get psychedelic leggings in this town for under 20 bucks," and he took off down the alley with the money.
It was then I remembered I have a pair of psychedelic tights, the next best thing to leggings, and I ran excitedly to put them on.

I was provoked into wearing these psychedelic-patterned tights today, with a great heaping of jewellery and a short tight skirt, after reading a conservative style advice article yesterday in mainstream media. Happily, provocation is a sure-fire way to push me to new heights in style, art, and attitude. 

Note my new haircut by O. Yes, confession, O cuts my hair. Nobody, high salon or low, comes close to his talent with scissors. Almost all of the white hair from bleaching is gone now but I'll happily stick with this silver for a while, although my hair at the back is still dark.

If someone were to ask me, what's your style, after prevaricating for years I would direct them to these photos. Sitting at my cafe table today turned into a book-signing-without-a-book as strangers of all ages leaving the cafe stopped by to share their admiration of my highly inappropriate clothing. 

My pissed off face

I'm wearing my thrifted shag coat, thrifted Miu Miu boots, and a sample sale skirt rolled down at the waist in a scandalously slovenly fashion and hiked salaciously above the knee. The tights were retail, sadly, more than 20 bucks. The awesome "Dressed to piss you off" T-shirt was a gift custom-made for me by Suzanne Carillo and fit the occasion perfectly. All of the jewellery is thrifted, except the magic loupe O made me. I did my eyes too, for a change. I wish you could have seen my rock-star walk with this billowing shag coat; I was feeling sublime. 

I am always astounded how a negative feeling can bloom into something so staggeringly satisfying in the end.

If someone tells you you can't do something style-wise, how do you usually respond? Have you always reacted in that way?

Say hello to Planet Blog

Last week I experienced a startling big bang on the constellation known as my Ass - the appearance of a new spongy planet, which I have affectionately named "Blog." I welcome and cherish this bundle of joy in its celestial cradle. How better to commemorate a gorgefest on calamari, fries, a three-cheese frittata, and cheesecake while lunching with two stellar blogger friends, Sue of A Colourful Canvas: Stitch, Style, Smile and Suzanne of Suzanne Carillo: Style, Smiles and Stories? (Send me 20 bucks and I'll name an Ass planet after you and send you an official certificate. Makes a perfect Christmas gift.)

Suzanne is puckering up to kiss my planet! The change room in this shop is an old bank vault. Sue and I decided not to lock Suzanne in. Lady Madonna Thrift Shop on Homer near Pender.

We spent a whirlwind afternoon/early evening of feasting, laughing, shopping, chatting, sipping, and scheming, with me trying to hog the limelight the whole time, and guest appearances by Miz Bagg. Overall I suppose I came across as Brenda Blethyn playing the obnoxious mother in the movie Little Voice, which would make Suzanne the suave strip bar owner, Ray Say, played by Michael Caine, and Sue the schtar herself, Little Voice, in the scenes of her belting out show tunes on the classed-up stripper stage. I was in a snap happy mood, whipping my camera about like a rude gesture, each flash like a little slap.

Suzanne and I had to talk Sue out of this dress.  We had to rip it from her hands. Poor dear. (You know I'm kidding, right? In fact, I ordered her to hold it up for the photo. ) See her polka-dot pants? Love.

There was so much eyeball-rolling and violent laughter I'm surprised we didn't sprain our heads, although I certainly had a mighty social hangover the next day. Meeting a blogger in person is like meeting a celebrity, as you may know, and I was struck immediately when I met Sue how her face seemed to shine with light. When I met Suzanne I was transfixed by her dramatic hair and contralto voice. And while they were both dressed fabulously, their wit, smarts, and generous hearts reduced their bodily wrappings to mere bits of fabric. The looks hook but the personality sustains.

Check out those pearly whites, blue/green eyes, and those amazeballs eyelashes, not to mention the fiery hair. This is Community Thrift Store on Carrall St. I also took Jean of Dross into Gold here and Sheila of Ephemera and L. 

We exchanged prezzies, which included a super-fun hand-made T-shirt, hand-made pin/clip, and card from Suzanne. And, well, Sue, she gave me a brilliant card and the landing site for the next deep space explorer mentioned earlier. I'll wear both your gifts with pride and love long into the future. (To be fair, 10% of all Ass planet certificate sales will go to Sue, okay 15%.)

I love this photo! Sue holding her gift from Suzanne and wearing a scarf I gave her. See what I mean about the light?

We didn't have much luck thrifting – price and selection at the shops within walking distance in downtown Vancouver can usually be beat elsewhere. I only manage what I get through perseverance and an eagle eye on the sale racks. I did, however, snafu a beautiful greenie maxi vest thing I'd had my eye on in Lady Madonna for two years now (yes, that kind of determination). As we were leaving, the owner said, Make me an offer, and with Sue and Suzanne enveloping the shop in a cloud of love and "you better give the dame a deal if ya' knows what's good for ya'" vibe, it was mine for almost half price. 

The gang! I was smiling for sure but my smiles always look forced in group photos. We shut down this cafe, last ones out. Jean, we came here during your visit too.

I usually don't do Christmas, but this year I had a hankering for a party, and I got one with these two amazing women. I conveniently left my Cindy Lou Who self at home to take full advantage. Thank you so much, Sue and Suzanne, for including me in your plans.

T-shirt hand-made for me special by Suzanne, based on my earlier post, Do I dress to piss them off? Suzanne has  lots of cool original stuff on Etsy HERE. Her wildly popular Badass Blogger T-shirt is HERE. 

I hope you're all well, taking care of yourselves and letting stuff that doesn't really matter float off to where it belongs, just not on my Ass. Mwah.