Who wore it better? Outfit outrage!

Transcript: "Who Wore it Better?!"
Episode 2: "Two Celebrities Duke it Out"
Location: Schtellar Studios, Miz Bagg Network, Burbank, California, USA

Show Host - Helen: Time to sharpen your claws, Ladies, for another thrilling episode of - say it with me - [audience joins in]:

WHO WORE IT BETTER?!

[applause]

Today we have Melanie and Turnip Head who embarrassingly showed up at the Miz Bagg Universal Universe Awards in the SAME OUTFIT. Quel faux pas, darlings! [laughter, boos] I mean reeally!

Turnip Head, left, and Melanie, right, caught in outfit scandal!! Who wore it better?!

You'll have seen the red carpet footage. [murmuring] Talk about a barroom brawl! [applause, whistles] Each claimed to be wearing a Miz Bagg original and accused the other, in shockingly unintelligible expletives, of a straight-up style rip-off. [oooh] Miz Bagg, who was seen filming the fight on her iPhone, declined comment.

The rowing duo eventually lurched screaming and sobbing into the restroom where the smackdown continued. [OOOH] When they emerged, they were disheveled and entangled in toilet paper, which, thanks to Miz Bagg's keen eye, has become today's hottest look. [applause, whistles]

We're lucky to have both Turnip Head and Melanie with us in the studio to dish it direct. Please, let's give it all up for Ms. Turnip Head! [enthusiastic applause, cheering]

Turnip Head enters and sits in the guest chair.

Thank you for joining us, Ms. Head. Could you tell us in your own words what happened?  Did you have the dress first? How do you think Melanie looked in it?

Turnip Head: Yesh, that Melanie is just a little human slave of the Evil One. [sniff] She thinks she is so hot. But I had my outfit FIRST! She looked like, like...like cabbage! [oooh]

Melanie, waiting offstage, bursts on set

Melanie: Why you smirking little vegetable. We know I had mine first. I even bought that robe thingy when I met Suzanne and Sue at our blogger meetup. Hey, I think I have a vegetable peeler in my toolbox handbag somewhere. Maybe you'd like to meet my friend Julienne. [OOOH]

Camera zooms in on toolbox handbag-
BBQ chips, a dirty sweat sock, unwrapped candies with hair stuck on them. 

Turnip Head: Oh, yeah? R-r-really? Look who's talking, the loser, capital L, who nobody complimented your stinkin' frankened Desigual dress. [Ooooh]

Melanie: I said I don't care about that! Don't you even check my Twitter, starch ass?

Turnip Head: Oh yeah? Well, well, y-you know what? You're not even on Twitter...!!!

Turnip Head and Melanie lunge at each other. 

Muffled oofs and aaahs. 

Audience laughter, screaming, scuffling, camera black out.

Cut to commercial for Dentabone doggy tooth whitening treats.

Debriefing after the show at Melanie's home:

I wore it first! (love my hair here) But Turnip Head definitely wore it better.

This is in fact the long cover-up I bought the day I met Suzanne and Sue on our blogger meetup, the garment I had my eye on for two years. Because the maxi dress under it is a bit too long, I have to belt and bunch it as much as possible, and wear heels besides. This dress I'll hem. Wearing it I felt like I was on a red carpet, well, maybe a purple one.

Details: 

• thrifted aqua cover-up with sequins along the scalloped edges 
• thrifted aqua long-sleeve maxi dress with matching gauzy under-dress
• thrifted Miu Miu biker boots
• DIY bug pendant
• garbage-room-find dainty necklace 
• thrifted chain belt, thrifted vintage leather belt 
• gifted vintage earrings, thrifted vintage sunglasses, and magic loupe. 

Off the record, Turnip Head and I didn't fight at all. That was just sneaky show biz promoting Miz Bagg's new TP style. We used the gift certificate Miz Bagg paid us on a lovely lunch at McDonald's (I paid the difference). I don't carry a veggie peeler in my toolbox handbag either. As for the other stuff, you'll never know.

Have you ever been caught in a scandalous identical outfit situation? I don't get it. If it were a financial argument, yeah, maybe, but it always seems to be about Who wore it better? If we really want something serious to debate, how about this: bananas - can you really peel them from the bottom?