Did you come to my holiday party?

If you were at my bloggy holiday party, you probably don't even remember - that's how good it was. But I hope you at least remember what I WORE!! - this divoon vintage, ivory crepe wool gown with a mink collar - a gift from an estate. I think the original owner had it custom-made - it even has pockets. Long black gloves, black tights, and glitter platform booties completed the look.

Of course as Grand Hostess I was worried about carrying the evening off, but within an hour I knew I had nothing to fear: the French-style-loving bloggers had already hopped up onto the bar and begun disrobing and belting out bawdy German songs off key.

The lifestyle/home decor bloggers in attendance kept turning the other music off and on (which really pissed off my mariachi band) for their game of musical chairs/couches/tables while rating my furniture on its design, craftsmanship, durability, and comfort.

Below I am practising my Psycho face for later in the evening.

The food bloggers hung out at the buffet and in the washrooms. They couldn't get over my Ritz cracker and Spam canapes. Like fine wine they would nibble, spit, then quickly swill the dregs of any beverage within reach, yelling, "Oh my god! Oh my god!" I had no idea theses canapes would be so popular - I'm thinking now I should do a food blog.

The fingermouthing trendy set took advantage of the hair-mussing station I had installed with industrial fans and the photo booth, which included a Where's Waldo map on the floor to help prevent gaze fatigue. Below I rehearse my own new fingermouthing pose for the photo booth. Look away if it's too hot. Seriously, soon all +40 women will be doing this - it's a look that says, "Hellz yeah, I'm frickin' hot. Leave me the feck alone. Got any Advil?" The wisdom of aging.

Thankfully, coat check service was not required with the continuing trend of wearing one's winter coat falling off, which was ideal for dusting my floors and mopping up around the buffet.

The vintage and thrift bloggers basically spent the night raiding the closets looking for old stuff. I had to referee a couple of brawls among them, which was the highlight of the party for me, that and joining in a few Marlene Dietrich tunes with the French-style-loving bloggers on the bar. The beauty bloggers were so impressed with our hairstyles after the brawls that they joined in the fun.

In the next photo I am about release a few unruly guests from lockup. Is it coming back to you at all? Hm? Might I suggest a few more canapes to re-volt your memory?

I took most of these photos of my party outfit in the garbage room atelier before the guests started arriving. Because I was using flash photography, the room was pitch black. When I sat on the big styrofoam bag, second photo, I suddenly started to sink as the containers beneath me gave way with an eruption of cracking sounds like a Canadian ice-breaker valiantly cutting a passage across the frozen Arctic. I maintained my composure, however, despite the heels, a general lack of mobility, the gown, not being able to see a thing, and my sinking masthead.

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A SPECTACULAR HOLIDAY - if this is something you celebrate, of course. XO

I am linking up with Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike on her blog Not Dressed as Lamb.

The line between the real and unreal

Keepin' it real. But when the real is unreal, how can you tell where one stops and other begins?

Not much to say this week. Thought this would be better than nothing.

Edit: I linked up to Patti's Visible Monday/Not Dead Yet Style with this photo from my Instagram.

The most amazing, stupendous, sponsored post EVER!

Look at those pants. Will you just LOOK at them?!!

When I first saw these pants, I couldn't believe that I might get to wear them for a blog post. Eeee! And then suddenly, they were mine! This is absolutely one of the best offers I have EVER had for a sponsored post. Ultra, ultra high-waisted, six buttons, screaming pink, blue, and aqua plaid wool palazzos. (Edit: These are probably what I would have described as "baggies" back in the day.)

And I can't get over how sophisticated and demure my response to this offer has been, despite my puppy-that-falls-over-and-pees-everywhere excitement. See? I'm calm, totally calm, serene even, freakishly so, acting like I get this kind of thing every frigging day! Case in point: so far I've used maybe 0.13% fewer exclamation points than usual in this post. Now that's control, right? The serenity that comes with success, dare I say.

I'm bummed that I couldn't do an outdoor shoot - not happening in the snow and rain, and there was probably hail too, and lightning, just to piss me off to maximum effect.

This kind of luxury item deserves the best location to do it justice, maybe a fancy hotel lobby or an upscale restaurant, or an art gallery even. But instead I used my black fabric backdrop. (I hope that won't damage my chances for future sponsored posts.) This is probably the least chic location these pants have ever been photographed in, given the shocking price they command in store.

In the photo below the pink is slightly more accurate, at least on this monitor. And I was wearing a black scarf choker too.

So huuuge, huuuuge THANKS to my sponsor. Before I reveal who it is, let me just say that clearly I'm in the Big Leagues now. I was shocked to be offered this deal. Don't worry - I'll still be your friend. And don't be jealous!! I have loved (and occasionally loathed, I admit) this sponsor for years, and their commitment to chocolate and pudding and chips.

MYSELF. Yes.
Yes, I am the sponsor. I am the sponsor of all my posts, except I did one for Karina Dresses and one for Yuzhe Studios. I saw these pants, I liked them, and paid myself to wear them. They are vintage I suspect, and home-made. Dreamy.

When I was finished the pants shoot, I decided to exercise my magic wand, Grushenka, which had been languishing in the cupboard. O made it for when I gave my lecture, "Unlearning how to paint," at the art gallery a few years ago. Such a wonderful gift. This is my impression of Tinker Bell.

So, let this post silliness be a reminder: if you're feeling deflated about not getting lots of sponsored posts, don't be. The stuff we already have in own closets is pretty fecking awesome. We're ALL SCHTARS. Yesh.


I'll be linking something here up to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. Of course.

I'm so cheeky, heh. Raspberry kisses to you all!!