Monday, 2 January 2017

Celebrity style blogger becomes target of fake news!

You've probably heard how fake news is warping people's perceptions of the world with alarming frequency and consequences. As the line between reality and la-la-fantasyland becomes more and more blurred I decided to sacrifice this post to public service by presenting you with several news stories featuring me, international celebrity style blogger, to test your skills at spotting FAKE NEWS.

1. New Book by Mel Breaks the Presses 
The Ritz cracker and Spam canapes at my last party were such a hit that I wrote a cookbook! Here I am meeting one of my adoring fans at a gala book-signing event in New York. Serious business. A relentless workout regimen on the chin-up bar ensured that I had the stamina to keep up with the millions of autograph seekers who lined up for days waiting for a personal audience with me. 

Just between us, my agent has inked a record-breaking Hollywood deal for the cinematic version of my book starring Al Pacino and Anthony Hopkins as PB and J, and Helen Mirren as Bun. Shhhh - you heard it here first!


2. Mel Creates Cosmo Chaos
Another day, another magazine cover. It gets so tedious, cover after cover after cover. This photo is hot, hot, hot off the presses. I barely made the shoot after a night of frolicking with Brad Pitt and George Clooney in Trevi fountain in Italy. Happily exhausted, we took a 3AM time-out for bologna roll sandwiches I had jammed into my purse for emergency refreshment. Look for the recipe in my new book.

Brad kept doing imitations of Rocky and Bullwinkle (old cartoon series) and when the paparazzi showed up I knew it was time to scram. How lucky was it then that Javier Bardem and Robert Downey Jr. happened by on their vintage Vespas. Laughing and laughing at the pickle I was in, they towed me off to the studio on a skateboard just in time. Whew!!


3. Mel Goes Lunie!
This next story is top, top, tippy-top secret!! Prime Minister Trudeau, the supreme leader of Canada, secretly launched a Canadian moon mission earlier this year now that everyone is grabbity-grab-grab for real estate up there. And who headed it? Well, I did! I smuggled this photo out of the science labs after splash-down in the Arctic Ocean.

The discovery of a bathtub and a rubber duckie on the lunar surface is still hush hush and may have deep political implications globally. You may have read my tweet: "A duck on the moon is quackers! It's a disaster, I mean really." Religious leaders are at a summit as I write, discussing the significance of clean aliens. In between my Giant Twirls for Womankind, I staked a claim for my future hotel, Mel Fawlty Tower.


4. Another Story
And in this last photo I am dressed as a traffic cone. I dressed this way after a New Year's Eve spent rolling around my living room floor eating chips and drinking coffee and cutting up old magazines to make collages. I made a big mess.


So, how did you do? Could you spot the fake news? If you guessed that STORY 4 was fake, you were right. Who would wear such an outfit out in public?!

There is an international swat team assembling a task force of expert fake news spotters to protect the world. If you passed this test, you should contact them at 1-800-Everything-Is-Fake-Or-It-Sure-Seems-Like-It!! *To be clear, it is not the intention of this post to impugn the integrity of style bloggers who are exemplars of honesty, sensibleness, niceness, and realness with no photo editing whatsoever.

So it's Year of the Chicken, what did you expect?

I'll link something up with Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. There will be a better photo of this fake outfit on my instagram, @bagandaberet.

Edit: I'm also linking up to Catherine's Saturday Share Linkup of January 13, 2017, which seems a natural fit considering her post is called "Why you should never believe what you read in the paper."



22 comments:

  1. mmmwwwaaahhhahahahaaa!!!!!
    happy new year love!!
    another genius post out of the bag&a beret atelier!! your are just wonderful!!
    btw - i would wear that orange parka - just to wake up the crowds from their dump consumerism coma......
    much love and huge hugs! xxxxxx

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  2. haaaaaahaaaaa! I knew #4 was fake, because who rolls around in chips?? We fasten them right to our lips with burlap feed bags, natch. Love this post, it will make me happy all week. That, and RD Jr on his Vespa. xox

    -Patti
    http://notdeadyetstyle.com

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  3. Lol Melanie, sooo funny.
    Maybe sad that people believe fake news without use their brain.

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  4. Hahahahaha!

    You in that astronaut suit is too good.


    I must commend you on the matching of your makeup to your striped shirt in the first photo. Brilliant!

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  5. Oh damn! I thought it was story number one that was fake because those aren't your arms, Mel. Didn't you notice they're all sinewy and hairy in the photo. Trust me, I can spot fake news at 100 paces.

    Happy New Year, to you Mel and your wonderfully eccentric posts - long may they continue!

    xxxx

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  6. Muahahahah!! I love this. It's all real, because I read it on the Internet!

    Hey, in other news, I read on Suzanne's blog that you guys are meeting up in March! I wanna come! And bring L! We will be doing our 20th anniversary trip to Van in March, but haven't picked the weekend yet - it will be either the 18th or the 25th, though, and if you/Sue/Suzanne are up for it, we'd love to meet y'all for lunch! Drop me a line, lemme know!

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  7. Wonderful stuff. If only it were ALL true! xo

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  8. Melanie, you came through 2016 with your wit and brilliance unscathed. Perhaps the protective traffic cone jacket had something to do with it...

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  9. Oh my gosh. Now you have ME rolling on the floor in potato chip crumbs! You are so hysterical and so gorgeous. So since you're an expert on this stuff, please tell me that the news about the cheeto jackass US president elect is a fake story. It's fake, right? It isn't true. Oh noooooooooo.

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  10. You are unbelievably witty and hilarious, not to mention devastatingly chic. Adore the blog.

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  11. Oops, I was wrong - I thought No. 1 was the fake story because no one reads real books anymore. I should have known your yummy retro recipes would give Nigella a run for her money, with cooking and with her wardrobe.

    The Year of the Chicken - yikes! Is that the best we can do now?

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  12. Fake news? Everything on the internet is true

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  13. I SO appreciate your wit Melanie. It may be the one of the best medications I know for enduring the upcoming coronation of the "pussy grabber" and the frightening reality that entails.
    Please keep it coming Melanie. You're delightfully dimented views are treasures!!!!
    P.S. I SO wish there was a rubber ducky on the moon instead of all the other crap that was actually left behind!

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  14. That's such a nice blogpost :)

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  15. You are like Maison Martin Margiela and your stories are all post-modernist truth.
    Rainbow mutton-chop whiskers forever!

    Enigmatically (and wearing vegan Spam earrings)

    Elaine Monkeypaints

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  16. Surely you meant Benecio del Toro rather than Javier Bardem?

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  17. All totally believable, I mean to say, you make up a story!! PFFFT!!! Brad Pitt and George Clooney, you greedy greedy woman you!! All the very best in this new year, Chicken of course, glad I have some in my garden to REPRESENT!

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  18. If there is anything NOT fake, it is you. I thought it was a captivating story and I did my best to spot the fake Mel. I thought it was the moon landing, because how did you get back so quickly? I thought it would take light years... many of them.
    Anyway, you know best what is fake or not. You big orange you.
    Greetje

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  19. Greetje, Just had to tell you how much I loved your comment and calling Melanie a big orange. =-)

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  20. Fabulous post, I'm glad you enjoyed your vespa ride with those men around Fontana Di Trevi, oh yes, you know how to rock La Dolce Vita!!
    And I think that eating chips and cutting old magazines should be a new traditional celebration in New Year's Eve!!
    besos

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  21. Those arms!! Grr! Such strength one has to have when appearing in the news of the world. Recipes from the cook book next?? xx

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