Selling yourself, a life of hyperbole

I went to a Function a few days ago. I went to another one today. I am not really a Function person but once in a while I go just to reconfirm my non-functionality. I should be a Function person because that is where you sell yourself and what you're doing; you make money and become Somebody. (My last function was on the opening of the Ted Baker store in Vancouver, here and here.)

Mega-huge vintage palazzo pants, chartreuse blouse, stretch leather booties. I had to disinfect my soles before crawling around on the blanket. I'll take photos here again; I love the lighting and it's easier than going to the concrete box.

Technically, it was a media preview event, heavy on the networking. "Hi, I'm blah blah, I do blah blah, here's my card, laugh laugh, wine sip sip – next!" Why not just put me on the Down escalator and tell me to walk Up? I'm exhausted just writing this. I had a few crappy self-printed cards in my bag with my blog name on it, scattered somewhere under my plastic-bagged running shoes in case of a persnickety toe emergency on the walk home, rattling Tic Tacs, and prehistoric tampons kept in an old business card case, which thankfully I didn't mistakenly whip out and shove in someone's face. 

What I wore to the Nordstrom meet-and-greet for Caroline Issa, international street style star, proprietor of the magazine Tank, and fashion designer in a collaboration with Nordstrom. My friend Sue joined me. Excellent nibblers! After the event Su and I shopped around for more inspiration. 

I usually skulk about the periphery of such things and hoover hover over the buffet, but if I'm caught in the network ritual, I say. "Oh, me? I have a blog, it's quite decrepit really, a street style blog, on its last legs, hahaha – which I updated last week by the way, for the first time in seven months – and a personal style blog where I, you know, post awkward outfit photos and laugh a lot. Let me give you my card" - fumble, fumble, spill, oof, gasp...

But then, out of nowhere, when my glass was empty, like a scene from a fairy-dusted Disney movie, I changed my script: "My blog is where I have fun with and make fun of fashion." What?! Such coherence! Clearly I was possessed or drunk. The glazed faces across from me couldn't see the touchdown dance in my head; they were still waiting for the main play: they wanted to know how I make money from this and how they can get some. Without that, I could just as easily have said I enjoy cleaning my oven in my free time.

You may recall this as the tartan jacket I upcycled from a vintage blazer, here. I didn't wear a coat over it but bundled instead with this cozy scarf. Double socks there with the shoes. For the cold? Weeell, yes, but also because the toes are worn, cloth and flesh. Heh.

What I should say is:

• I am the publisher and editor of a globally successful fashion magazine for 40+ women (VOGOFF has had tens of thousands of viewers. True. Heh.); 
• I am a freelance stylist. My latest runway show was for a fundraising gala attended by David Suzuki and other local celebrities at a posh downtown club (guest stylist for thrift boutique My Sister's Closet); 
• I am a clothing designer (okay, a mender and upcycler, although I had a clothing design company for two years a lifetime ago); 
• My artwork is in private and corporate collections and embassies worldwide (weeeell, technically yeeees, and at one embassy); 
• I currently specialize in styling 40+ women by appointment and editorial photo shoots (I blog, don't I? And take photos of my friends in wigs);
• Oh, and I am writing a novel, but then who isn't, hahaha (and roll my eyes drolly). 

Pleased to meet you.

I'd then convey a handshake through my facial expressions - mutual body contact, even a fist bump, while holding running shoes, wine, and canapés, would be ludicrous. I'd ask them to pluck a business card from my preloaded hair as the least encumbered and most accessible part of my body. 

"Multi-tasking," I'll say, and wink, "I'm a master of that as well." Even this minimal one-sided body contact would establish professional intimacy. (No doubt if I used that spiel, I'd ask them to pluck a card from my ass if I weren't wearing pants.)

It's a life of hyperbole. I'm worth 10 billion, 2 billion, 5 billion. What day is it? That's what I'm worth. I'm not good at it, not in real life, just here, although in comparison here sometimes feels a whole lot more real. I would feel like a fraud saying all those things - I'm not sure why given that I've met enough designers about 25 years old who have been working professionally for the past 15 years and "best-selling" authors who have sold self-published genealogies to family members. The motto these days seems to be, Let's PUMP IT UP!!! Gaaa!

It's enough at the moment that I have work-work (which is what's kept me from commenting anywhere this past week). So much for schmooze, booze, snooze - although at least it has gotten me out of the house. And I'm happy to say that I met some brilliant people at these latest events as well. Maybe someday I'll get the hang of being functional. Are you good at schmoozing?

True story: One time when a professional-looking man sitting next to me at a coffee shop asked me what I do, I said, "I'm a motivational speaker with no audience." Turns out he was a for-real, honest-to-goodness motivational speaker. Hahaha!!

And guess what?! Last week I had so much fun with...

Yes, Sheila of Ephemera and her husband L. They were in town to celebrate their 19th wedding anniversary. I love getting together with them! - especially for macaroni with bacon at Acme Cafe. I always feel privileged to be part of their weekend. Sheila did a stellar post on our get together and their trip here. And thanks to them I updated my street style blog. You can see the post here.

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The events I attended were a media preview for Vancouver's Eco Fashion Week, which I support (there are a few photos with me on their Facebook page) and the Caroline Issa/Nordstrom meet-and-greet today. I may post about these on my street style blog. Great food at both functions, by the way. Heh. I wore my pyjama top and tie outfit from my previous post to the Eco Fashion Week function.

I'm still running to catch up - and failing miserably!!

I'll be linking up with:
Patti at Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and
Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed at Lamb.

See you there, maybe, if I can swing myself out of this horrible running-behind feeling.