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Sunday 10 December 2017

Another audition - it's almost like being famous! Almost, not quite.

Some bigwigs called and asked me to "be myself." I failed. Heh.

Yip, the casting agency called again. Gaaa! If this keeps up, I'll have to get a real DAYTIMER, not an electronic thingy because they are not real enough. I need pages that can be dripped on and ripped. And a Bic pen (do they still make them?) because, after all, I would be an artiste, not some executive in a skyscraper boardroom like MizBagg.

As a reminder to you, this is my third TV commercial audition since May 2016. Things are going super fast! - 11 months between the first (here) and second (here), and only 8 months until this latest one. Stop the Earth - everything is a blur!

Strolling through Ackery's Alley. Read more about it here.

When I got there, the waiting room was packed with people "being themselves" to the max. My hair was high, my hopes were high, and my anxiety was at an all-time low as these things go. I knew it would end badly. Heh. What I wore is here.

This time it was just me and the casting director in the audition room, with a bank of computers and cameras, and I don't know what else. First I had to stand in front of the camera and state my name and height. Thank goodness I knew those lines. Then I had to sit in a comfy leather chair in the stage area and talk about myself. And I did... And I did... CUT!!!

But then I had to dance. Oh, dear reader, I don't dance; I do Martha Graham interpretive movements, lunges and feints and crawls. I preemptively knew I was done for. For my song - we got to pick our own - I chose Rock Lobster by the B52s. It was that or Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. Hey, they said to "be yourself."

I pogo-ed, I hopped and spun, I churned, stumbled, ran into furniture, got really dizzy, light-headed even with all that quick up-and-down bending, and I wagged my tongue during the weird bits of the song. Fer real. No spit flew, though, which I was thankful for - there are no wiper blades on the camera and the director was not wearing a bib. It would have been rude.

I was channeling comedian Maria Bamford, who is currently starring in the Netflix series, Lady Dynamite. She is very unconventional in public, scripted and unscripted too (she makes no secret of her struggles with mental illness), and nobody blinks an eye. If you are delicate, don't watch it. Suzanne introduce me to her.

Towards the end of my exertions, when I finally remembered I was being filmed, I caught sight of the director, who was waving his arms back and forth over his head, like at some of those religious meetings you see, which made me think, hmm, do I do a 360 and go all tabernacle or keep my Martha G funk on? You guessed it. Go Martha G! Go Maria B!

At the end, just as I was leaving, the casting agent said, Wow, I, uh, felt your energy. I panted back, exhausted, "That was fun, thanks." Done. Really done. I have to say, the casting agent is a super-cool guy. I'm getting to know him now, and vice versa, which means maybe I can hold off on my big daytimer purchase and Bic pen.

Of course, no call back. My "me" was too me, or not the "me" the client was looking for. The shoot will be in a tropical country abroad for $$$. For a drink company. Of course I had to try though. And test out my new Maria Bamford-as-confidence-booster technique. It worked. High five! And if I'm called again, yeah, I'll go. Why not?

I found the commercial from the last audition I went to HERE. I had to say the line, "And the scary things eat you," awesome line. I thought I did it well, well, not tooooo badly, but in the final version it is delivered by a super-cute little girl. Well, I ask you, how can I compete with that? Hahaha. I love the ad, though.

I'll link up to Patti at Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style, and;
Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike, Not Dressed as Lamb.

On a final note, they asked when I signed in for this audition whether I could open a bottle using any body parts. I wonder how they would have responded if I said I can do it with my sphincter on a bad day. Heh. I haven't tried - won't. Have you!? Let me know in the comments (she writes, trying to keep a straight face).


  1. "Whether I could open a bottle using any body parts?" - what kind of question is that to ask of a lady ffs! Also, you look as-cool-as-feck as always.


    Elaine Monkeypaints

  2. That is a weird question to ask, jeez Louise! I love that you went full-on Rock Lobster on their asses, Mel (I also would have chosen that song) - I bet they were just flabbergasted by your energy! Fabulously cool - how the hell do you do that??

  3. Well the trailer is laugh out loud funny! I definitely want to give Lady Dynamite a solid try.

    I can open a bottle with my fingers. Does that count?

  4. Oh you must have been a sight for sore eyes, dancing away. The fact you got a negative call, most likely has nothing to do with you. Like in the commercial you showed with the little girl. I mean... why cast you when you need a little girl? They were just not sure at all of what they were after. Bad briefing. If I were letting my agency cast like that, my company would sack me for waisting money. Ridiculous.
    Loved the Maria Bamford trailer. I am going to look for that on the Dutch Netflix. Especially that last scene haha.
    Just as you made me laugh with "with my sphincter on a bad day". Whahaha.. I didn't know what sphincter meant, had to look it up, but I had a pretty good hunch as I was thinking exactly the same answer to this question. Oh the strain to hold such a magnificent answer to yourself hahahaha.

  5. I'm so happy that Maria was able to help you. That series kills me. You still haven't watched Big Mouth! It's even funnier. Or at least I thought so.

    I think that countless rejections are normal when it comes to the acting world.

    I can only applaud your bravery jumping around like that. I probably would have fainted and then pretended I was doing "the worm".


    PS thanks for changing your comment section so I can comment again!

  6. "Rock Lobster" is IT - fab choice. I bet you were the most energetic, memorable audition of the day - so proud to know you! Keep on keeping on, some wise producer will seize on your fab-itude. And never work with children or animals, now we know why - they get the parts, dammit. Love all you're doing, xo


  7. Oooooh drink opening tricks are where it's at girl!!!!!! You're on a fucking whirlwind journey----fasten your seatbelt! Safety First!

  8. You picked a fabulous song to dance, actually, perfect for some 'interpretative dancing' and lots of fun!.
    I've never been asked "whether I could open a bottle using any body parts", but I think that the answer you thought is not that bad. I could answer something like 'I could open it with your grandma's dentures' which will be my last phrase before being thrown out!. Well, I could think my answer and keep it only for myself, as you did (wisely).
    You Rock Totally!

  9. You are your own and best Lady Dynamite! Fabulous outfit, worn with authenticity and verve! Your answers, the ones you thought to yourself, had me rolling! You are amazing, all of the things you do. I have seen you on video, very gracious and smooth. Trying tot think how you would deliver the line:
    "and the scary things eat you" ? LOL- many versions skip through my head after reading about your dance moves!
    you are fantastic!
    xoxo, Elle

  10. I've stayed away too long - I had no idea you are on the precipice of international television fame!!! As well you should be. If you get a commercial, I hope it airs in the UK. And if you get to shoot here, we'll meet and dance to Rock Lobster together! (Do you melt to the floor on the 'Down - down - down' part and then jump up when the bass line comes back? I'd probably have a stroke now, but I love that part!)

  11. Marilee J Gramith12 December 2017 at 21:16

    Rock Lobster was not on my radar although the B52s were.
    I hope the connection you've made with that casting agent brings progress toward your goals.
    Eee gads! Melanie. Advertising is cutthroat creativity at it's worst...
    and best (?). Don't let the scary things eat you.

  12. I've never auditioned for television. That sounds so awkward. I'm pretty sure I could open a bottle with my giant taataas if I try hard enough... I mean I might break the bottle but, hey - it got open didn't it?

  13. I've never auditioned for anything aside from a part in our Grade 6 play. I think it's cool that you get called for these; obviously they find you interesting enough to keep calling you back, they just haven't found the right part for you yet. One where you are not required to open a bottle with a body part.....

  14. Eventually they will start with YOU and design a commercial around you, honey! I wonder wha tit would be for though. Cereal? Jewellery?

  15. Wow, all of these auditions, I'm in awe. Funny, if I had enough guts to even go to an audition, my song to dance to would probably be 'Burning Down The House' by the B52's. I was once asked to audition, I blew it. You are my shero.

  16. Dear Santa, Can I have a Mel-o-drama Poseable Action Figure for x-mas? The one that comes in the purple onesie? I dream of making every kind of fashionairy wear for her, oh my... Please hurry. I may be having a dressingorgasm...

  17. Man-oh-man they're missing out. You being you, must have been awesome. I'm off to watch that clip now. She's gonna be a bit cookie then? Sounds brill...
    Have a fab festive holiday darling!


  18. "Whether I could open a bottle using any body parts?" - what kind of question is that to ask of a lady ffs! Also, you look as-cool-as-feck as always.
    Salwar Kameez | Kurti | Saree | Dress Materials | Lehanga | Leggings | Palazzo | Tunics-Tops | Night-Dress | Skirts

  19. Sounds like you had a lot of fun auditioning...I love Maria about funny true life stories..she says everything we wish we could say...Don't give up on your dream...maybe your too talented for them..cause you truly are artistic..creative and truthful:)

  20. Sounds like you had a lot of fun auditioning...I love Maria about funny true life stories..she says everything we wish we could say...Don't give up on your dream...maybe your too talented for them..cause you truly are artistic..creative and truthful:)


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