The trend that ate her brain

Trends - they're inescapable. One minute I'm laughing at the fashion lemmings running full tilt toward the cliff, then, blam, I'm reaching for the hideous onesie on the $5 rack.

I figure trend messages are like little bits of dirt that stick to me wherever I go. They come not through TV or fashion magazines, but style blogs and high-end retailers where I ogle opulence and dig for DIY ideas.

So my latest downfall and touchdown - the yellow trench coat, worn here with my happy doggie scarf.

Most of the trend particles are usually expelled; I like to go my own way. But once in a while they get wedged in dark crannies in my brain where, after weeks of constant abrasion, they are transformed into frigging pearls. (I wish it worked like that with cash in my wallet.) This particular pearl was thrifted last week.

Below is the heavy blue satiny dress I wore under the coat, fully lined with pockets. It's "laundry by design" brand. Thrifted. I've had it for years and seldom wore it because I thought it was too short.

While I usually can't pinpoint the origin of my own lemming leaps, in this particular case I can: Not Dressed as Lamb. I shall blame Catherine. Hahaha!! And thank her too because, come on, a yellow trench coat? It's not that she was pushing yellow trench coats like a dealer on the street or a trend hound, but one week she had a link-up theme on yellow and two weeks later a theme on trench coats. Blam!

I'm sure there are other fabulous bloggers who are complicit in this purchase. You know who you are. I of course absolve myself of any responsibility whosoever. I'm clever like that. You may admit your guilt in the comments below. Heh.

Two cases above where I've succumbed to trends. Left: the denim onesie, vintage, thrifted before all the hoopla, but still. And right: the red onesie, thrifted when the trend was dying.

And yes, I've also been wearing my shorter dresses lately, but with opaque tights instead of jeggings or slim-fit pants. This switch seems like a big deal, maybe because tights in general have a rep for being more slatternly than jeggings or jeans, especially on 40+ women wearing suspiciously high hemlines. "Oh, that hussy. She thinks she can disguise those five layers of tights as jeggings or pants? It's a disgrace."

At least my dresses are being worn once again as they were intended - as dresses, not as tunics or long tops. I can't foresee going barelegged with a shorter dress, but never say never. And don't get me wrong, I like tunics, but they don't suit me when I'm in this edgy, pissed off mood.

My style is in flux, as it always is. I just wonder what will happen if someone hosts a linkup featuring green vinyl bikinis one week and pink faux fur the next. Vix? Can you at least give me a little warning so I can corner the market over here when that trend takes its grip? Heh.

I'll be linking this demure little trench to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and to Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb.

That's all, kittehs. It's an interesting week ahead. I'll tell you all about it later.

Also, Katrin Braga, the photographer for Claire Cormeau's Nuage line, posted a new portrait of me. Oh! If you want to see it, check it here.

Also, on his blog Advanced Style, Ari Seth Cohen posted a brilliant piece written by Debra Rapoport in response to criticisms of her style made on Ari's Facebook after he posted Debra's photo. Excellent writing! Exactly!! It's HERE.

Hey, where's my wife bonus?!

When everything is for sale, so much depends on making a good pitch.

But a good pitch alone isn't enough. You need to have a clearly defined target audience, aka friends. In a bid for self-improvement, I shall reprogram my internal algorithm which will convey my value more arithmetically not only to others but also myself, thereby enhancing my brand appeal and user interface. Hurrah! Whaaa...?

The mural backdrop is a snapshot of my existing algorithm. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

My algorithm is fecked. That's it in the background. Of course my user interface is whacked. My DIY T-shirt.

Even kids are on board with this stuff, "Hey, mum, I expanded my target audience at school today." "Well done, honey. I think you just added points to your Daughter Bonus for that." Twinkle-eyed winks.

It's essential that you sell yourself in all aspects of your life; making deals should be second nature. Demand payment up front and never undersell yourself. Heh.

For example, I'm still waiting for my Wife Bonus from O, you know, for managing an efficient and attractive home. I am a strict and elaborately-dressed taskmaster when it comes to cleaning staff and rearing our children stellarly. Okay, so the kids are little silverfish (not a metaphor). I kill them regularly, well, no, I can't bear it - they are so cute - but I yell for O and he takes care of them.

I'm working hard for my wife bonus! The same frilly blouse as the previous post but with a colourful jacket made in Korea. You can see the fabric texture on the arms. Swoony. 

I have been known to body double the cleaning staff. That should get me points! Not only that, I shall demand triple Wife Bonus points for doing dangerous stunt work - it ain't easy hanging over the side of a tub juggling cleaning products and a sponge.* I was thinking I'd buy a sailboat.
(*Don't be fooled, it's all part of my pitch - I don't think I've ever done that!)

I kind of missed out on the Push Ring for pumping out a real kid. But hot-diggity-dog, it may not be too late! I've just found out that a grandmother somewhere, perhaps in an asylum, gave birth to triplets. Ooh, if I have quintuplets that means five rings, right? Tiffany, here I come! (O has just picked up the phone. I think he's calling the asylum, perhaps for himself.)

My lovely gothy/rock jacket with mini-ruffled, neon orange, high-collar blouse and flocked Anthropologie pants. New (old) lace-up ankle boots. I wear outfits like this to clean the oven, which is full of electronic goods. 

Holy cow, adding up the Wife Bonuses, the Push Rings, and the profits from my new algorithm and sales strategy, I'll be living on easy street! That's what happens when you put your best foot forward or, in this spectacular example of marketing genius, two best feet forward at the same time. Yes, I'll be the one hopping down easy street like a bunny on crack, wearing a tiara and pushing a quintuplet stroller on my way to the asylum to visit O.

Lacy dress with black slip. I almost donated it. What was I thinking?

I'm linking up to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. I'm sure I'll see you there.

Of course, I am definitely NOT for sale. My only pitches are in dodgeball, and they are really quite pathetic. My easy street is on the floor stuffing my face with sweet and salty popcorn or Cheesies. But I am definitely open to Mel bonuses to celebrate my mere existence. Heh. (Case in point: gothy jacket self-gift)

I made that T-shirt a while ago, "I am my own brand." I'm ready to revise my statement: "I am NOT a brand. Kiss my ass." Look for it in a future post. Okay, I won't put the second sentence; that was just a general cry, but not to you, my friends, my valued target audience. Mwah!!

OH, BREAKING NEWS EDIT:
Claire Cormeau was just featured in a George Straight newspaper article, hurrah! She's the uber talented clothing designer of the line Nuage, which I wrote about in my model-ish post here. The article includes my favourite photo. Heh. It's all HERE.

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Glossary

Dodgeball
A team sport where players throw a ball with the intent of hitting players on an opposite team thereby eliminating them from the game. I was about eight years old the last time I played. Heh.

Hot-diggity-dog
An expression of delight or excitement. 

Push Present
A push present is a gift, usually jewellery, given to a woman by her partner after "pushing" out a baby (such a sentimental term). This is a true phenomenon - the jewellery and the pushing. If I had a baby, I'd want a push penthouse, a push billion dollars, a push nanny, a push personal assistant... In fact, I said shove it to the whole thing many decades ago. Shouldn't I get a Shove-It Ring?

Wife Bonus
The term wife bonus was first revealed in a non-fiction book called The Primates of Park Avenue, as the money paid to a Manhattan wife by her banker husband for a wifey job well done. The book was later recalled and marketed as fiction. A hideous concept! O is not the boss of me nor I of him - usually. There is no Daughter Bonus - I made that up.


AND (jeez, she just won't shut up) -

I LOOOVE Mexico! I was featured in Elle magazine's online Mexico edition as one of the 40+ Bloggers You Should Know, along with Accidental Icon, une femme d'un certain âge, Style Crone, and Not Dressed as Lamb. And the translation wasn't mangled at all! Bwahaha! I was shocked to be included. And of course very happy.

Thank you, ELLE! Well, and thank you to everyone who visits me up here in the colonies. Mwah!

Okay, now I'll shut up. Heh. Have a great week you's guys.

My day as a 50+ supermodel

It's one thing to make faces at my little camera stuck on tripod in a garbage room atelier, where I can snort, guffaw, get sweaty, fall off my shoes, say oof all the time, and cuss in foreign languages, and a whooole other thing to be photographed under the gaze of professionals. But I did it – and I didn't even swear once! I present with a flourish: My Day as a 50+ Supermodel. Bwahaha!

I had been worrying like crazy before the shoot. I told Claire Cormeau, the designer who asked me to model her new line called Nuage, that I hadn't done anything like it before but, sure, I'd do it. And then I had a month to freak out very effectively.

Designer Claire Cormeau; Photography Katrin Braga; Hair & Makeup Vanessa Kuan. 2016. Feeling faintly Swinton. I'd put on this face all the time if I could remember how. Who took my eye bags?!

The night before the shoot I shaved my yeti legs (they could double as reflectors, handy), clipped all the scraggy hairs from my nose (picture Mr. Bean), and made sure my pits and nails were shiny and bright. I forgot to moisturize my hands. But really, how can I be expected to remember so many body parts!?

I took a taxi to the studio to kick off my transition from humble (heh) personal style blogger to mega-uber supermodel. "Safety ensconced in her limo, she scrolled simultaneously through three cell phones, praying that she had stymied the paparazzi on her night of debauchery." Okay, that thought didn't help my flip-flop heart at all.

When I arrived at the studio there was a crack team of three women on standby - think Miss Congeniality, except I already know how to glide. Vanessa Kuan was in charge of my hair and face. Claire primped me in her absolutely gorgeous clothing! And Katrin Braga took the photos. While all this was going on, I exercised top-notch freaking out in the guise of insouciance.

Designer Claire Cormeau; Photography Katrin Braga; Hair & Makeup Vanessa Kuan. 2016. Katrin rushed to get these shots in fading sunlight. I love the profile of this anti-tux. The left pantleg is shorter and more close-fitting than the right.

I needn't have worried though. It was a day of point-and-shoot photography; in other words, they'd guide me to a spot, point me toward the camera, and then shoot. I tried my best not to think happy thoughts; sombre, morose things relax my face, and I rotated under their direction, although I had a few Mel jags with kicks, stomps, grrrs, and laughs. Between takes I tried hard not to respire, sweat, or shed cells on the exquisite clothes.

Katrin, what can I say? She was a maniac who stopped at nothing to get a shot. She rolled around on the floor, on asphalt, on muddy grass! From her prone position she expertly switched from one honking big camera to another, from digital to film. But every time she said, "Oh yeah, beautiful, that's great, perfect," I would crack up (literally) - I kept thinking of the 1966 movie Blow Up with Vanessa Redgrave (clip is here). Katrin's positive feedback at least reassured me that I wasn't totally screwing up.

Designer Claire Cormeau; Photography Katrin Braga; Hair & Makeup Vanessa Kuan. 2016. LOVE these "Melting Pants". The puddling of the waistband forms a ginormous pocket. She made the turtleneck too.

Vanessa magically revealed my inner dewy-skinned self. And I love how we went from sticking-up hair to slicked hair with blue brows and lashes. Can it be that I was feeling...Vogue? Bwahaha! I'll definitely do the slicked look again.

And Claire, in addition to juggling her fine designs, watered and fed us. She even brought a blankie to keep me warm between takes, cool props, lint rollers, socks, you name it. After six hours in several locations in different outfits, hairstyles, and makeup, I was exhausted - I'm not used to so much attention and bodily control.

I can't imagine what modeling as a career would be like, besides nerve-wracking!, but I'm sure that you'd be hard-pressed to find a dream team of young women as kind, patient, funny and professional as this one.

Designer Claire Cormeau; Photography Katrin Braga; Hair & Makeup Vanessa Kuan. 2016. People in the park wondered if we had ripped that bonsai out of the ground. Claire brought it as a prop, daffodils too. Best pants with circle cut-outs and embroidery down the sides. 

Thank you, Claire, for giving me this opportunity. Her Nuage line is all about freedom of expression and empowerment of women of all ages, and she wanted to reflect that in this shoot. I hope I was able to give her clothes and vision the justice they deserve. Her pieces are truly exquisite.

And think about it: how many young designers would have the guts to hire an untried 50+ broad over an 18-year-old pro to showcase their work? Cool, right? If you can, check out her website where you'll find details of her designs, including jewellery and other products.

Until next time, see you in the Enquirer. Bwahaha!

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Credits:

Claire Cormeau: Designer (Nuage)
WEBSITE :: INSTAGRAM

Katrin Braga: Photographer
WEBSITE :: INSTAGRAM :: TUMBLR

Vanessa Kuan: Hair and Makeup
INSTAGRAM

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When they go live, I'll link this up to Patti at Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style and
Catherine, #iwillwearwhatilike, Not Dressed as Lamb.
I wore these outfits, maybe not shopping or to the coffee shop, but I WORE them. It felt so good.

Yellow Skirt Freak Show Update!! and more...

I was thinking the other day that some women would probably like to build a wall around me so they don't have to deal with my style. Heh.

I say this because I recently heard a few 50+ women disparage non-conformist style, which I can usually laugh off - and a little friendly back-and-forth can be a catalyst for growth - but this time they also threw in some armchair psychologizing, saying women who dress in "advanced style" are: desperate, trying too hard, insecure, loud, hurting inside, not serious, and (my personal favourite) not intelligent or smart.

Girls running in the wind with skirts hoisted, ready to fly. Acrylic on canvas paper. I painted it a couple of years ago.

Well, actually, they said "the messages the clothes are conveying are...blah blah blah." Fine line, folks, fine line. Apparently, they don't have style rules, but if you don't dress to their narrow specifications of joy and confidence, you need help. Hahaha! Too bad it's so much fun breaking those non-existent rules! I'm hoping they were just carried away. You know that never happens to me. Never! Hahaha.

Imagine if everything looked like this, except sometimes the lines are squiggy instead of straight.

So imagine how happy I was to see the Freakish Yellow Skirt fly again. Hoist them yellow sails!!! Arrrrg. And on whom?

  Sacramento! Hurrah!   

  Mis Papelicos - No. 27  

Marching band. Ticker-tape parade.

She's the doyenne of Free Styling, 

life-embracing, joy-jumping, 

sproingy wonder. 

See her here. And in the gallery here.

Thank you, Sacramento, for joining this ride!

After the style lambasting incident, which took me by surprise, I was feeling very down about blogging in general and, to my shame, about the Freakish Yellow Skirt, no joke - I thought my faux fur gave me thicker skin than that - but as I was updating the Freakish Gallery of

 27 WOMEN!!! 

from all over the world 

that bitter taste in my mouth turned minty fresh, the air suddenly smelled like spring flowers with a whiff of pine trees, bluebirds started nesting in my hair, a fuzzy dice pendant appeared around my neck, and a baby deer tried to sit on my lap. It was magical, wonderful pastoral mayhem.

OOM means, "This crab hand position sucks!"

In the nick of time the Freakish Yellow Skirt and Sacramento leapt in and saved the day!

So let me pass on this wisdom: when someone interprets your joyful style as a seething mass of desperation and unhappiness, it's time to start handing out those rose-tinted glasses from the dollar store. Emergency!! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there's some really weird stuff going on out there.

It's called the Travelling Yellow Skirt Freak Show because joy wins over freak labels every time - I hope. As the original skirt post from 2012 says, the skirt represents "positivity and solidarity" among everyone who dresses with happiness, whatever your definition. We celebrate style in all its forms. Right? RIGHT?!

Let's be clear: no walls. 

The skirt will soon be winging its way to Beate in Germany. Her awesome blog is HERE. She's a fierce art woman.

And more news...
I was on a photo shoot today, a real one with a photographer and a stylist, a prelude to a professional gig coming up next month. Bwahaha! I don't like all the baggage that comes with the word model so I shall say I was a clothing host for some garments designed and made by uber-talented Claire Cormeau, who saw my blog and asked if I would showcase her designs. You can find her HERE.

The turtleneck has merino wool and the asymmetrical tailored jacket felt like an expensive dream. Claire even designed the bracelet, which her partner manufactured with 3D printing. Amazing. The pants/shoes belong to the clothing host. The shoot was only for the waist up; these are fun out-takes.

I should have slathered on some hand cream last night. Auch - hopefully, everyone is looking at the bracelet.

That's all. I hope you have a great week everyone. I'm linking up to:
Patti: Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style, and;
Catherine: #iwillwearwhatilike, Not Dressed as Lamb.
Thank you, Patti and Catherine, for these style refuges just when I need them most.

And I'll link up to Anne at SpyGirl for 52 Pick-me-up: Sky Blue/Expansion/Connection. Just my earrings are sky blue. That counts, right?