Miz Bagg just flew in on a purple-eye from France where she suffered minor injuries from an early-morning stoning she received at the hands of a gang of well-coiffed, middle-aged Parisian women. She said, "Thank gawd for my thick skin. Had I not been in the company of two notable religious figures (what a night we had!) who intervened on my behalf, in another couple of hours I would have been a handbag, a designer one I hope. Or maybe an enormous tool bag!" Then she started laughing maniacally and crossed herself in the pelvic region.
Her triumphal return home can only mean one thing: it's time to "Hoist yer freak flags ya' freaks!!" - her words, not mine, for another VOGOFF, the Biggest eFFFing Issue: Fact, Fiction or Fraud. VOGOFF welcomes contributions from one and all this time, whether you want to be yourself, be someone else, or just be an appallingly blatant liar. After all, we have standards to uphold as the magazine that takes the non out of non-fiction and shoves it back in again with undue force.
From Miz Bagg:The parody in previous issues has been a blast, but this issue will be a mind-boggling, jarring mess of fact and fiction, boasting an indecipherable target audience, unlike the oh-so-hoity-toity, slickly-produced profitable mags one finds on newstands. Specificity is so last year. Also, this time Miz Bagg wants writing with your submissions, up to 250 words (or more if you have a great idea) fact or fiction. This VOGOFF is happy to showcase real and unreal people, messed up, dressed up, dressed down, men and women. This will be the issue where people say, "What the hell was that?"
VOGOFFers don't stumble feck-lessly through life with vulgarity, we delicately hack our way through it with spatulas, skill saws, Q-tips and cat whiskers, and, above all, with grace and a plum. We don't just take it lying down - we take it semi-reclining, hopping, in a downward dog, in a dentist chair, in too-tight tops, and car parks. Our strength comes not only from our lovely liquidy insides and floaty dream puffs, but also in cute little pills or squares/triangles/rectangles of chocolate or, say, a V12 engine with an overhead cam - which reminds me of the first time I was stoned by..." (Ed. note: the rest of Miz Bagg's comment has been removed by Blogger)
|Wearing falling off gown, platform runners, Jimi Hendrix T shirt, striped socks, but who cares? |
This is my favourite abandoned gas station. (I'm linking this to Sheila at Ephemera for Shoe Shine 3.)
- glamour photo yourself or other self/bio
- an original artwork/haiku/short story
- recipe/food photos
- car/home repair, scientific innovations
- interview/photo of an inspiring person
Deadline: July 31
Please send your submission to the email address in my contact information and write VOGOFF Submission in the subject line. No submission will be refused. The previousVOGOFFs have over 30,000 page views but that's nothing considering how awesome you are. I hope to have a little assistance for this issue too. We'll see how that goes. Can you come out to play?