Happy 2020. And wearing beige on my way to millions

Happy New Year. 2020. When I was 12, I thought the year 2000 was like la-la Lost-in-Space time, but now in 2020, it turns out my thoughts were not too far off the mark after all. These are definitely non-fiction science-fiction times. Case in point, I'm wearing beige. And a trendy item, a puffer coat. Highly SF because beige is like my kryptonite, not as much as it used to be, but still.

Okay, beige, but it is pearlescent and ultra warm, 

a generous donation from a friend. 

I'm trying to be badass. It's exhausting. Flyaway brows help.

I was interested to read yesterday that scientists recently put 3D glasses on a cuttlefish and studied its behaviour as it watched movies, real story HERE. The glasses look like wings on each side of its head. Question: Who exactly made the glasses, where did they study how to make them, and did they overcharge? Also, did the cuttlefish get popcorn?

So I'm now thinking of attaching cuttlefish to each side of my own head and studying my own behaviour, but that would only work in water (with a snorkel because I wouldn't want the cuttlefish to suffocate in the air). But in water I wouldn't be able to eat popcorn. I could eat the cuttlefish, but that would defeat the point of the exercise, which I'm not convinced existed in the first place. So there goes that idea! Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Badassery pose 2. How much longer can I keep this up?!

Maybe I'll just learn how to make 3D glasses for octopus instead. I'll make a fortune!

I also read that people who snore are now being encouraged to lose weight on their tongue, real story HERE. Yeah, well, I got to work on that right away, much easier to do than attaching cuttlefish to my head. I've been writing! Look for my new books in your favourite bookstores:

• Tongue 'o Steel 
• Six-pack Tongue in Six Days 
• Tongue in Cheek 2, 3, 4...  
• 105 Slobber-free Habits to Tone your Tongue 
• Gimme Some More Tongue! 
• Tone up with Tongue Wagging

Yes, I've been busy.

I have already submitted patent applications for a revolutionary weight pack to wrap around your tongue for 24-hour strength training and a customized tongue weigh scale so you can measure the results. Of course I'll start a Tonguexercise franchise. I just need to make sure that a slender toned tongue doesn't weigh more than a thin flaccid one. These are questions that keep me awake at night.

Scientists suggest playing the didgeridoo as an effective means of losing tongue fat and as an alternative to CPAP machines. True.

Whew! Good assery!

Gosh, with 3D octopus glasses and my tongue exercise empire, I'm finally gonna make my millions in 2020! Of course, you'll all want to be my friend now so you too can hop aboard the Mel Money Train, woo-woo. That's okay. There's room for everyone and I'll enjoy the company.

Yes, keywords being woo-woo.

It's a wacky world, no doubt about it. I could talk about sustainable shopping and recycling or the fires in Australia or the crises unfolding in the Middle East or Trudeau's new facial hair, but frankly, as Madeline Kahn said so well in the 1974 movie Blazing Saddles, "I'm tired." If we don't take care of ourselves, we won't be very good at taking care of others.

Mel Brooks's satirical film Blazing Saddles. I'm not sure how well 
it holds up with time, but I LOVE Ms. Kahn

So "Back to the studio!" as Bridget Jones (fictional character from book/movie Bridget Jones's Diary) famously cried after sliding down the fireman's pole. See the brilliant clip HERE.

My studio in this case is a music studio because, look!, I wrote a song, kinda. I hope it's a No. 1 hit on those charts if they even exist anymore because I'm so out of it I wouldn't really know. Do they still have Billboard?

A Smart Kinda Nurse (an original song)

By Crone (my band name) 

I get on with life as a nurse,

I'm a smart kinda person.

I like golf and badminton.

I like to contemplate slippers.

But when I start to daydream,

My mind turns straight to wine.

Five six seven eight...

Sometimes I look at myself and I look into my eyes,

I notice the way I think about wine with a smile,

Curved lips I just can't disguise.

But I think it's slippers making my life worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for me to decide which I love more?

Slippers or...

Wine?

I like to use words like 'awesome' and 'neato.'

I like to use words about slippers.

But when I stop my talking,

My mind turns straight to wine.

Five six seven eight...

Sometimes I look at myself and I look into my eyes,

I notice the way I think about wine with a smile,

Curved lips I just can't disguise.

But I think it's slippers making my life worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for me to decide which I love more?

Slippers or...

Wine?

I like to hang out with Mary and Rhoda.

But when left alone,

My mind turns straight to wine.

Five six seven eight...

Sometimes I look at myself and I look into my eyes,

I notice the way I think about wine with a smile,

Curved lips I just can't disguise.

But I think it's slippers making my life worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for me to decide which I love more?

Slippers or...

Wine?

I hate the dark and carrots.

But I just think back to wine,

And I'm happy once again.

Five six seven eight...

Song Lyrics Generator HERE actually generated it, but I had to fill in the crucial bits with untrue facts. If any of you want to add music, please do and send it to me. I'll record it badly and my rock star dreams coming true will add to my moguldom.

Blast from the past, VOGOFF e-zine, June 2013 issue HERE

And I'm linking up to Patti, dagblammit, and her Visible Monday on Not Dead Yet Style when it's time. I look forward to seeing everyone.

Again, Happy New Year! Health and happiness to you all. Hugs all around. Thanks for dropping by. It's been busy here, in a good way. I hope it has been for you too.

Catwoman. And VOGOFF returns!!

Oh yes, I've got my happy dog head stuck out the pickup truck window while I boot down the highway, tongue flapping, spit flying, tail wagging. But you know what happens, right? Bugs. Lots of them, stuck to your tongue. Eat 'em or spit 'em out - does it matter? The point is, they're there. It also means bad hair. And the risk of road rage from the poor sods drenched in drool behind you. Tailgaters for real! Actually, I'm wearing a CAT HEAD, not a dog head.

Stink, stank, stunk! Back in the alley. Mind where you put your feet. No bugs on this tongue though. If she gives me any lip, I just zip it. That's my Route 66 jacket which I asymmetrized* with a diagonal zipper.

So what am I saying? Bliss is fleeting and it requires attention on the right things, kind of like that line in the Bill Cunningham documentary (NY street style photographer): If you look for beauty you will find it. 

It also involves taking a risk. If I focused on the bugs and bad hair and road rage, I'd never put my head out the window in the first place. The gamble that the open road will mask the taste of a fly or two makes me brave.

I bought this T-shirt at a Value Village shopping spree with Sandra of Standard Deviations (IG here) a couple of years ago. I just hauled it out of a space bag.

In celebration of the bliss in our midst, I'm doing another issue of the online magazine -

VOGOFF 

Pissed Off Towards Ecstasy or 

So Joyful It Frickin' Hurts

I could have done just the ecstasy/no-hurting part, but talk about boring. Eating and drinking and sex and sleeping, who wants to see that!? Heh. Besides, it doesn't exist in a sustainable form. And you'd get bored of it (yeah, you would!, stop arguing, Suzanne). And there'd be the indigestion, maybe a couple STDs, sleep disorders, and possible bankruptcy. And then lawyers. Well, and then you'd start looking for bliss in a bottle or thermos or 7-Eleven.

V O G O F F

The way I see it, life is a giant come here, come here, come here, get away, get away, get away, not a one-side-takes-all proposition. And usually, for me, my best work springs from a place of discontent or restlessness or just plain piss-offedness. The transformation from crap to rapture is powerful. Henceforth, I shall call it crapture. (Didn't Deborah Harry sing a song with that title? - I may have just ruined that song for you forever! Heh.)

Oh look, it's Batman and Cat Woman!! White, super-soft brushed cotton chinos, Tommy Hilfiger, thrifted $5, hip-slung, three sizes too big, not quite falling off, dreamy.

In blogging, I've gone through a spell of getting pissed off but I'm not sure at what. The homogeneity? The pressure to be extraordinary? To be special? To make money? Pfft. Maybe I'm tired of other people's drool on my own windows, not put there by bliss but carefully constructed illusions of bliss. Oh no!! It's FAKE SPIT!! That's where I draw the line! When you come here, believe you me, you only get the good stuff, the genuine spit.

So you want to VOGOFF with me this time? I'll post details about what to do later. Think about it, will ya's? The previous issues have had tens of thousands of viewers, truth. Not bad, right, for a bunch of non-conformicators*?

To see past issues, go HERE.

I'm linking this cool cat head up with Patti at Not Dead Yet Style and her weekly Visible Monday, and also Catherine at her weekly linkup #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. See you there!

Mini Glossary
*non-conformicators: made-up word, noun, compound of non-conformist and fornicator
*asymmetrized: made-up word, verb, to make something asymmetrical
*overall meaning of this post: there's nothing to help you there. Heh.

Fake life imitates art in a fake life, and Hat Attack! Second try...

Oops, I deleted my whole post by mistake. So... 

NOW I'M REDOING IT!!! THAT'S MY DISRUPTION!!!!

Wearing thrifted mustard muppet coat, thrifted hard-worn tie-dyed cotton top, thrifted stretch tartan skinny jeans, black glitter platform shoes, thrifted silk scarf. Kitty is wearing whatever he likes. I don't remember what caused the disruption (yeah, because I have a new one) - probably a screaming child - but I do remember tearing down the highway in Kitty's red Bugatti before we hightailed it back to Carnegie Hall for his concert. Good times, friends.

Hello harlots - Today I unveil the newest trend which I, moi, have created in my genius-infected brain. Since my fired incompetent assistant Enid is locked in VOGOFF's closet, she pathetically failed to escape and restock my hair products. What choice did I have but to hang upside-down for this photo to achieve hair volume? The Boys are on their way over with the inversion harness on wheels, a hoist, and a truck to take me shopping. I call this "Eco Hair" - volume without the mess. When I think of all nature's precious and usually cute creatures I am saving by hanging upside-down and not using nasty, vile hair products I shudder and a tear escapes my eye and rolls into my eyebrow. My processional route is sterilized in advance but you unfortunates can use Eco Hair to sweep your floors and those little pennies that get stuck in your tangles may help you with the groceries. Poor dears. Ba-bye! Miz Bagg, Your Bagness.

I thought it would be fun to imitate Anne's awesome sketch of Miz Bagg that she posted at Spy Girl so I hung upside down off the table because, seriously, I didn't want to put product in my hair. Not comfortable - product or pose! I had to run and fling on a 10-sec timer. My sunglasses, the biggest pair I have, kept falling up over my forehead - not a usual problem. The dress, though, is divine, a thrifted maxi, made in France, wool/mohair blend with sparkly gold-thread serging and an elegant hoodie hanging up by my ear. I am using the hoodie as a poor excuse to join Judith's Hat Attack 21 at Style Crone. Thanks, Judith!

The view from my coffee shop, one of Vancouver's most upscale clothing department stores, Holt Renfrew:
"ARE YOU AN CON: Legendary moments await." I thought, what an interesting campaign, even though they got the "an" wrong, until I realized that the "I" was concealed by the light post. Boring after all.

So my upside-down photo is life imitating my fake life imitating art imitating Anne's fake life in her fake journal. I love the fake journal project Anne does, and how thrilled I was to see that she had incorporated Her Supreme Betchness in her story of Enid. Thank you, Anne. You have revived Miz Bagg! I look forward to more of Enid's adventures. Tee hee.

And - "What? More jeans? Stop! Stop already!" Blame it on the runners. I have been enjoying the fleet-footed freedom of these shoes, the knowledge that I could bolt at the drop of a chocolate - to catch it before it hits the ground. The words alone - sneakers, runners - conjure up dusty playgrounds, monkey bars and squeaks on gym floors.

These are my thrifted black jeans, $5, thrifted black blazer that fits like a glove, $5, thrifted man's shirt, more than $5, scribbled-on thrifted sneakers, colourful Harlequin socks, retail, and of course my magic loupe from O. A neighbour said I looked boyish in this. Coltish is good too. Not to be confused with the old grey mare. Or mutton. Or any other farm animal. Although I am good at bull.

Thanks for all your comments in my last post about IG. Lots to think about. Also, I'm not ready to give up on blogging.

PS If you have published and then accidentally lost a post, search for it online and you will find the cache that you can copy. Whew!

What I wore to the Hamptons

What I wore to the Hamptons sounds better than what I wore to the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver, the former being a playground of the rich in New York state, the latter, one of Canada's poorest neighbourhoods where my favourite fabric shop, Dressew, and many other cool hangouts are located. 

This feels like an outfit of indifferent decadence. When I was young(er) I had a few wealthy male friends who would wear the most buttery-soft expensive chinos with navy deck shoes/no socks. I loved how the pants slouched in their fit and had such a worn look even in their newness. Sigh. Well, I found my own variation of this look below, silk/linen blend trousers, fully lined, two sizes too big, $5, and a soft wool turtleneck like new, $5, also too big. Ironically, if I had gone out to buy these items new (wouldn't happen) I would have searched the racks for my correct size because I could afford not to make a sizing "mistake." But having the freedom that accompanies having no money for such things and only one size available, I could afford to take a chance, which was in fact fulfilling the image of insouciance I had all along.

This is what I wore yesterday.

I enjoyed this outfit a lot, let me tell you, flowy, floral, frigging faboo. It's more like Honolulu on acid than the Hamptons, although the platform runners are the same. My hair apparently ran away to be an extra on the TV reality show Swamp Monsters, or was it Duck Dynasty? I'm still waiting for a postcard. 

For my Hamptons outfit, is it weird that I wanted to recreate a man's look? Do you ever do that, recreate the look of a friend you've had or the ambiance of certain times of your life? Usually I don't. But I enjoyed this little trip.

AND...a word about VOGOFF

I had a heck of a time coming up with a theme for this issue and finally settled on fact, fiction, fraud. Basically, it's "be what you want to be." I have realized that showing ourselves in the context of otherness may be limiting, that we need room also to express our strength on its own terms. I'm not pissed off at fashion magazines or the people who read them and I know many women of towering strength who wear neutrals. I'd just like VOGOFF to be a forum for the voices that are excluded in mainstream media, whether it's in style, opinion, or lifestyle, funny or serious. This issue will be a huuuge grab bag, but the VOGOFF after this, if there is one, can be something completely different again because there are no rules.

Thanks to those of you who have already sent in your work. I am floored. It feels like The Freakish Yellow Skirt, except with your own pieces. Incredible!

Deadline: I'm hoping to have everything in by the end of July. That should give you lots of time to procrastinate, like I always do, with the issue coming out in August.

VOGOFF call for submissions

Miz Bagg just flew in on a purple-eye from France where she suffered minor injuries from an early-morning stoning she received at the hands of a gang of well-coiffed, middle-aged Parisian women. She said, "Thank gawd for my thick skin. Had I not been in the company of two notable religious figures (what a night we had!) who intervened on my behalf, in another couple of hours I would have been a handbag, a designer one I hope. Or maybe an enormous tool bag!" Then she started laughing maniacally and crossed herself in the pelvic region.

Her triumphal return home can only mean one thing: it's time to "Hoist yer freak flags ya' freaks!!" - her words, not mine, for another VOGOFF, the Biggest eFFFing Issue: Fact, Fiction or Fraud. VOGOFF welcomes contributions from one and all this time, whether you want to be yourself, be someone else, or just be an appallingly blatant liar. After all, we have standards to uphold as the magazine that takes the non out of non-fiction and shoves it back in again with undue force.

From Miz Bagg:
VOGOFFers don't stumble feck-lessly through life with vulgarity, we delicately hack our way through it with spatulas, skill saws, Q-tips and cat whiskers, and, above all, with grace and a plum. We don't just take it lying down - we take it semi-reclining, hopping, in a downward dog, in a dentist chair, in too-tight tops, and car parks. Our strength comes not only from our lovely liquidy insides and floaty dream puffs, but also in cute little pills or squares/triangles/rectangles of chocolate or, say, a V12 engine with an overhead cam - which reminds me of the first time I was stoned by..." (Ed. note: the rest of Miz Bagg's comment has been removed by Blogger)

The parody in previous issues has been a blast, but this issue will be a mind-boggling, jarring mess of fact and fiction, boasting an indecipherable target audience, unlike the oh-so-hoity-toity, slickly-produced profitable mags one finds on newstands. Specificity is so last year. Also, this time Miz Bagg wants writing with your submissions, up to 250 words (or more if you have a great idea) fact or fiction. This VOGOFF is happy to showcase real and unreal people, messed up, dressed up, dressed down, men and women. This will be the issue where people say, "What the hell was that?"

Wearing falling off gown, platform runners, Jimi Hendrix T shirt, striped socks, but who cares?
This is my favourite abandoned gas station. (I'm linking this to Sheila at Ephemera for Shoe Shine 3.)

Submission ideas (fact or fiction or fraud)

• glamour photo yourself or other self/bio
• an original artwork/haiku/short story
• recipe/food photos
• car/home repair, scientific innovations
• interview/photo of an inspiring person

Sorry, no photos of pets or children. Also note that Miz Bagg won't accept content that disparages others with cruelty or submissions that are not your original material. Miz Bagg has the right to fark around with any submitted material.

Past issues of VOGOFF can be seen HERE.
Deadline: July 31

Please send your submission to the email address in my contact information and write VOGOFF Submission in the subject line. No submission will be refused. The previousVOGOFFs have over 30,000 page views but that's nothing considering how awesome you are. I hope to have a little assistance for this issue too. We'll see how that goes. Can you come out to play?

Hat Attack 3 and mini VOGOFF promo video

Whirlwind of a day: my assistant would not stop shrieking about the botched liposuction job on her hideous globular index finger (I had to sedate her); my cobbler's eyes glazed over and he started drooling (or was that foaming?) when I demanded he glue purple lug platforms onto my Blahnik stilettos; the water in my preferred downtown fountain was a degree too cold so my morning shower was RUINED, and; my arm-hair stylist is once again missing in the Alps, which is incredibly selfish and idiotic since I told him to postpone his trip until AFTER my appointment. Everyone is fired. What's happening to the world? And then to top it off, someone told me the US government has shut down. What, do I look stupid?!

Wearing psychedelic fuzzy paisley top hat with hairy/shaggy soft vest, striped oversized Talbots pants, booties - all thrifted. Plus an oversized dark navy pullover on top of my woolly black tunic. Me-made mega-mantis pendant on a broken leather shoelace and glasses. No nice pictures are allowed in this post - new rule.

Oh, and then I got a call from that biatch Miz Bagg from VOGOFF gloating about her new facial unguent. Give it up already, I wanted to tell her, you look like a cow, no amount of pureed insect dung will make you look better. Who does she think she is? 

This is my hat for Style Crone's Hat Attack #3. Thanks, Judith! (Don't you love her video?) I wore this hat special for her. It's the most fun hat I have (so far). I don't walk when I wear this outfit - I stomp. These bootie heels are the best at making noise and this hat is best at busting out a few smiles, a few laughs, and perhaps a few big gasps like noxious gas as I stomp by. Excellent.

I made the video below as a small promo piece for VOGOFF, featuring some of the clips that I have amassed from my style parkouring outings with Sandra, Lens is More, as part of a bid for VOGOFF global domination. (VOGOFF would never shut down, I swear.) I hope you like it, the video and my domination. This is my life, or at least the part that counts, the creative drooling part.

I'm skulking the net and comment when I can. Hugs, everyone!! Hang in there for those affected by the shutdown. That's some crazy-ass ship. 

VOGOFF Call for Submissions

Miz Bagg is back and ready to commence work on her next thrilling issue of VOGOFF magazine, tentatively called Le Grand Fashion Art (Grand F'ART) Issue. Anyone who pinkie swears to the pledge below is welcome to make a submission.

VOGOFF PLEDGE

• I pledge to push my VOGOFF style beyond all boundaries of decorum. When I have reached my creative limits, I shall then ignite my booster rockets to achieve stratospheric outrageousness.
• I pledge to call in favours from family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers to capture intriguing photos in such locations as recreation facilities, galleries, factory floors, theatres (stages), restaurant kitchens, busy public sidewalks, alleyways, bowling alleys, carnivals, canoes, etc., while wearing dumbfounding high-fashion clothing, often thrifted.
• I pledge to turn my environment into a photo shoot playground.
• I pledge to ignore the quizzical looks of bystanders during public photo sessions. (See Fashion Pass)
• I pledge to express my inner VOGOFF super-duper model (at all times) in pursuit an elevated state of being and not to second-guess my creative inner self. 

SUBMISSIONS

When readers see a VOGOFF photo they should ask themselves:

What the feck is happening there?

Who is that half-naked young man with her?

What the hell is she wearing?!

Models must wear dumbfounding outfits. Serious fashion may be considered ONLY if it is presented in a compromising situation. In all cases, think of Vogue on crack as the standard for your photos. All ages, all sizes are of course welcome.

Be serious. Be Zoolander.

Photos should be taken at your highest resolution.

GOOD LIGHTING is your best friend!!!

Miz Bagg will accept a maximum of 2 photos per submission. Not all photos will be published. Miz Bagg reserves the right to fiddle-faddle with your photos as it strikes her fancy. The release date of Le Grand F'ART Issue depends on the number of submissions received and will be announced on Bag and a Beret.

Send your submission to the Bag and a Beret email contact with VOGOFF Submission in the subject line. Include the name/blog address (if applicable)/clothing details that you would like to appear with your photo/credits. All work must be original to you. You do not need to have a blog to participate.

DEADLINE: April 29 May 19

This convenient Fashion Pass gives you permission to act like an idiot in the name of Miz Bagg and VOGOFF magazine.*

I hope you will join in - it's a great chance to show off your uber-fashion talent. The last VOGOFF issue has had almost 10,000 reads to date, which for some bloggers may not be a big deal but for me is very thrilling. Thank you everyone who had a look, and thanks especially to the incredibly talented women who so generously contributed to it! 

*Okay, I'm joking here. Miz Bagg/VOGOFF/Bag and a Beret will not be liable for public mischief that results from photo shoots for VOGOFF magazine. Why must I even write this?...

VOGOFF December 2012 issue

Here it is: the VOGOFF December 2012 issue. This is what I have been busy doing during my spare time. Miz Bagg was a taskmaster. I hope you like it - I certainly enjoyed putting it together. My thanks to all the wonderful people who contributed to this issue. Mwah!! Maybe YOU will be in the next one...? Click below to read it in pdf format.
VOGOFF December 2012

EDIT
Issue 1 (test issue)
Issue 3
Issue 4

VOGOFF Magazine by Miz Bagg

Letter from VOGOFF Editor in Chief, Miz Bagg:

Dahlings,
I know the universe hangs on my every blurt so I have decided to immortalize myself as Editor in Chief of this magazine, the highly prestigious, internationally-acclaimed, Pewlister Prize-winning VOGOFF (pronounced voggoff or vhog-off). Please reserve your applause until the end. (Come now, get ahold of yourselves. Have a little dignity and humility - like me.)

Of course I, Miz Bagg, am the queen of everything about beauty, fashion, makeup, grace, real good manners, and such-like, and I am an incredibly word-ly person, as you no doubt observed in my writing in my How-to Guide to Posing, Part 1 on 8-track cassette. (Thanks for your support. Of course you bought it.) So my beauty is not only gobsmacking - my intelligence and that stuff are also big gob-droppings of smartness.

This first issue features only photos of moi, Miz Bagg, of course, but I may allow the little people to contribute later on when I'm busy doing something way better. In this issue I am pleased to unveil to you the hottest thing since Yanni - the mashed potato fashion accessory specially designed by iqi (pronounced icky). Unless you've been living in Uranus, you'll know that kitchen tools are hot.

And who can help dancing uncontrollably when opening a container of yogurt or spraying air freshener or whipping out a duster or mopping the floor? Well, lucky you's - inside this issue are a few new dance steps you can try when cleaning and eating. They are perfect for tightening up those pesky fleshy pads on your hand between your thumb and index finger.

Plus, as a special feature: "Are we addicted to our uprights?" With a quiz! I too am not immune to the sight of a hard upright vacuum, all beastie thrumming with unkempt hair inside, which is only natural for a feminine creature such as mine self, but here I share with you not only my secrets for hiding these naughty little liaisons from your partner, but also ancient mystical monk moves for upping your upright's suction power by 73.5 percent. Therapists are on standby in case you fail the stupid quiz. You loser.

Miz Bagg caught in an unguarded moment following the upright shoot. Photo courtesy of Takenzeepiss 2012

Okay, I'm off now to consult with all those high-power smiling advertising people in New York to teach them a hot dance for their new and exciting anti-fungal soap. They keep begging and begging me to be in their global network ad campaigns (it's rather embarrassing) and I keep telling them to feck off, I'm far more valuable in my role as guru and goddess. Then I'm off to consult on ballerina costumes for some female products.

I know it's a an exciting life, but I, Miz Bagg, am the only one to lead it, as I shall and can. Tra-la-tra-la. Ooh, my upright needs attention.

Till the next unbelievably fabulous issue, hugs and kisses, but don't wreck my lipstick!!! (Oh, you fecking bi-otch)

Miz Bagg XOXOXO


(The Real Writer's Notes)
In the next issue, probably December: The Implications of Hot Flashes. Are peri/menopausal women with hot flashes responsible for global warming or is it bovine flatulence? What would happen if power companies could wire hot flashes into the Smart Grid. Would we have to call it the Smarter Grid?

___________________________________________________________________

The Real Real Writer's Notes

I watched part of the recent silent movie, The Artist, a few nights ago and another movie from 1932 last night in which the lead platinum blond delivered this great line: "I'm as exciting as an ironing board." On top of that, I had a little correspondence with Curtise from The Secondhand Years about kitchen utensils... So Miz Bagg was sequestered in a photo shoot last night not knowing what would result.

I'm so happy this "magazine" popped out. I had been mulling the idea for quite a while and suddenly there it was - my perfect inaugural cover. If any of you want to contribute a little piece to a future issue, maybe next month, let me know, ultra-Vogue on drugs with cool photos.

About the outfit

• black satin ball gown above, last worn here 
• bunch of jewellery I dug out of my box, including beads from the Pride Parade and a few pieces that someone had left in our garbage room for the taking - I'm such a discriminating shopper
• canary diamond ring from the local dollar store. 

I haven't been commenting much but I have been lurking. Sometimes I have to pull back to keep the fun and spontaneity alive. I think you know what I mean...

I hope you're all having a FANTASTIC week.

EDIT:
Issue 2
Issue 3
Issue 4