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Tuesday 10 June 2014

VOGOFF call for submissions

Miz Bagg just flew in on a purple-eye from France where she suffered minor injuries from an early-morning stoning she received at the hands of a gang of well-coiffed, middle-aged Parisian women. She said, "Thank gawd for my thick skin. Had I not been in the company of two notable religious figures (what a night we had!) who intervened on my behalf, in another couple of hours I would have been a handbag, a designer one I hope. Or maybe an enormous tool bag!" Then she started laughing maniacally and crossed herself in the pelvic region.

Her triumphal return home can only mean one thing: it's time to "Hoist yer freak flags ya' freaks!!" - her words, not mine, for another VOGOFF, the Biggest eFFFing Issue: Fact, Fiction or Fraud. VOGOFF welcomes contributions from one and all this time, whether you want to be yourself, be someone else, or just be an appallingly blatant liar. After all, we have standards to uphold as the magazine that takes the non out of non-fiction and shoves it back in again with undue force.
From Miz Bagg:
VOGOFFers don't stumble feck-lessly through life with vulgarity, we delicately hack our way through it with spatulas, skill saws, Q-tips and cat whiskers, and, above all, with grace and a plum. We don't just take it lying down - we take it semi-reclining, hopping, in a downward dog, in a dentist chair, in too-tight tops, and car parks. Our strength comes not only from our lovely liquidy insides and floaty dream puffs, but also in cute little pills or squares/triangles/rectangles of chocolate or, say, a V12 engine with an overhead cam - which reminds me of the first time I was stoned by..." (Ed. note: the rest of Miz Bagg's comment has been removed by Blogger)
The parody in previous issues has been a blast, but this issue will be a mind-boggling, jarring mess of fact and fiction, boasting an indecipherable target audience, unlike the oh-so-hoity-toity, slickly-produced profitable mags one finds on newstands. Specificity is so last year. Also, this time Miz Bagg wants writing with your submissions, up to 250 words (or more if you have a great idea) fact or fiction. This VOGOFF is happy to showcase real and unreal people, messed up, dressed up, dressed down, men and women. This will be the issue where people say, "What the hell was that?"

Wearing falling off gown, platform runners, Jimi Hendrix T shirt, striped socks, but who cares?
This is my favourite abandoned gas station. (I'm linking this to Sheila at Ephemera for Shoe Shine 3.)
Submission ideas (fact or fiction or fraud)
  • glamour photo yourself or other self/bio
  • an original artwork/haiku/short story
  • recipe/food photos
  • car/home repair, scientific innovations
  • interview/photo of an inspiring person
Sorry, no photos of pets or children. Also note that Miz Bagg won't accept content that disparages others with cruelty or submissions that are not your original material. Miz Bagg has the right to fark around with any submitted material.

Past issues of VOGOFF can be seen HERE.
Deadline: July 31

Please send your submission to the email address in my contact information and write VOGOFF Submission in the subject line. No submission will be refused. The previousVOGOFFs have over 30,000 page views but that's nothing considering how awesome you are. I hope to have a little assistance for this issue too. We'll see how that goes. Can you come out to play?


  1. This really has me thinking. What an opportunity to go completely mad.

    The gauntlet has been thrown. Now I just need to see if I have the guts to pick it up and throw it back.


  2. Now I'm really scared.
    Ssscared sssilly!
    Norm Cordian...

  3. I'm tempted! The thought of another issue has me giddy. Miz Bagg is is irresistible!

  4. I'm tempted! The thought of another issue has me giddy. Miz Bagg is is irresistible!

  5. Oooh! Miz Bagg is on the rampage again, is she? Ok, we'll have to see what madness ensues! xxx

  6. Ooh, I missed out last time. You know I have the crazy in me (the Ka-
    Ray-Zuh!). Now, I just need to find the time to put something really bizarre together for you.

    What if I wore Vizzini as a hat? Would he still count as a pet?

  7. I have a dent in the side of my face from being hit with that gauntlet...

    This will require much thinking, planning, organizing, agonizing, dreaming, etc. We'll see what surfaces.

  8. This Miz Bagg sounds like she might be a gay pirate who sometimes goes in drag. I am most interested to see more of her.

  9. I'm excited, thrilled, daunted, peeing because that non was shoved up undue force. I want to come up with something so wowsie-wow-wow that Miz Bagg will love me best!!!

    God, I'm so needy.

    You will always be the favorite, you always get it just right. Jimi, for chrissakes!


  10. Um uh um I uhhhhhhhh oh my. Ummmmmm.....

  11. I cannot-cannot-cannot wait! I look forward to new issues more than I do a new lippie, or chocolate brownie. xox!!

  12. She's back! she's back! so exciting!
    Maybe i could do something for you?
    When is the deadline?

    Love your platform, i have seen them, was hesitant to get them, but maybe i will!

    Let me know



  13. Ok, you've lit the fires of inspiration.Let me ponder this crafty challenge.
    I had fun as a kid writing a neighborhood newsletter inspired by Mad Magazine in the 70s. The only circulation it had was the doorsteps of my rambler dwelling neighbors. This has quite the prestige!

  14. Oh. My. Goodness! VOGOFF is back! hurrah!! I want to play....but...but, let's see what happens argh!!! x x x

  15. The writing is the easy part! Coming up with something fantastical will be the challenge. This will require hair, makeup, jewelry and clothing so mind boggling WHerE are my minions when I need them?

  16. I've been waiting for this announcement forever!! Can't wait to participate again this year!

  17. Ah, you'll be getting Enid, my fake companion on the road trip.


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