VOGOFF call for submissions

Miz Bagg just flew in on a purple-eye from France where she suffered minor injuries from an early-morning stoning she received at the hands of a gang of well-coiffed, middle-aged Parisian women. She said, "Thank gawd for my thick skin. Had I not been in the company of two notable religious figures (what a night we had!) who intervened on my behalf, in another couple of hours I would have been a handbag, a designer one I hope. Or maybe an enormous tool bag!" Then she started laughing maniacally and crossed herself in the pelvic region.

Her triumphal return home can only mean one thing: it's time to "Hoist yer freak flags ya' freaks!!" - her words, not mine, for another VOGOFF, the Biggest eFFFing Issue: Fact, Fiction or Fraud. VOGOFF welcomes contributions from one and all this time, whether you want to be yourself, be someone else, or just be an appallingly blatant liar. After all, we have standards to uphold as the magazine that takes the non out of non-fiction and shoves it back in again with undue force.

From Miz Bagg:
VOGOFFers don't stumble feck-lessly through life with vulgarity, we delicately hack our way through it with spatulas, skill saws, Q-tips and cat whiskers, and, above all, with grace and a plum. We don't just take it lying down - we take it semi-reclining, hopping, in a downward dog, in a dentist chair, in too-tight tops, and car parks. Our strength comes not only from our lovely liquidy insides and floaty dream puffs, but also in cute little pills or squares/triangles/rectangles of chocolate or, say, a V12 engine with an overhead cam - which reminds me of the first time I was stoned by..." (Ed. note: the rest of Miz Bagg's comment has been removed by Blogger)

The parody in previous issues has been a blast, but this issue will be a mind-boggling, jarring mess of fact and fiction, boasting an indecipherable target audience, unlike the oh-so-hoity-toity, slickly-produced profitable mags one finds on newstands. Specificity is so last year. Also, this time Miz Bagg wants writing with your submissions, up to 250 words (or more if you have a great idea) fact or fiction. This VOGOFF is happy to showcase real and unreal people, messed up, dressed up, dressed down, men and women. This will be the issue where people say, "What the hell was that?"

Wearing falling off gown, platform runners, Jimi Hendrix T shirt, striped socks, but who cares?
This is my favourite abandoned gas station. (I'm linking this to Sheila at Ephemera for Shoe Shine 3.)

Submission ideas (fact or fiction or fraud)

• glamour photo yourself or other self/bio
• an original artwork/haiku/short story
• recipe/food photos
• car/home repair, scientific innovations
• interview/photo of an inspiring person

Sorry, no photos of pets or children. Also note that Miz Bagg won't accept content that disparages others with cruelty or submissions that are not your original material. Miz Bagg has the right to fark around with any submitted material.

Past issues of VOGOFF can be seen HERE.
Deadline: July 31

Please send your submission to the email address in my contact information and write VOGOFF Submission in the subject line. No submission will be refused. The previousVOGOFFs have over 30,000 page views but that's nothing considering how awesome you are. I hope to have a little assistance for this issue too. We'll see how that goes. Can you come out to play?

VOGOFF Call for Submissions

Miz Bagg is back and ready to commence work on her next thrilling issue of VOGOFF magazine, tentatively called Le Grand Fashion Art (Grand F'ART) Issue. Anyone who pinkie swears to the pledge below is welcome to make a submission.

VOGOFF PLEDGE

• I pledge to push my VOGOFF style beyond all boundaries of decorum. When I have reached my creative limits, I shall then ignite my booster rockets to achieve stratospheric outrageousness.
• I pledge to call in favours from family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers to capture intriguing photos in such locations as recreation facilities, galleries, factory floors, theatres (stages), restaurant kitchens, busy public sidewalks, alleyways, bowling alleys, carnivals, canoes, etc., while wearing dumbfounding high-fashion clothing, often thrifted.
• I pledge to turn my environment into a photo shoot playground.
• I pledge to ignore the quizzical looks of bystanders during public photo sessions. (See Fashion Pass)
• I pledge to express my inner VOGOFF super-duper model (at all times) in pursuit an elevated state of being and not to second-guess my creative inner self. 

SUBMISSIONS

When readers see a VOGOFF photo they should ask themselves:

What the feck is happening there?

Who is that half-naked young man with her?

What the hell is she wearing?!

Models must wear dumbfounding outfits. Serious fashion may be considered ONLY if it is presented in a compromising situation. In all cases, think of Vogue on crack as the standard for your photos. All ages, all sizes are of course welcome.

Be serious. Be Zoolander.

Photos should be taken at your highest resolution.

GOOD LIGHTING is your best friend!!!

Miz Bagg will accept a maximum of 2 photos per submission. Not all photos will be published. Miz Bagg reserves the right to fiddle-faddle with your photos as it strikes her fancy. The release date of Le Grand F'ART Issue depends on the number of submissions received and will be announced on Bag and a Beret.

Send your submission to the Bag and a Beret email contact with VOGOFF Submission in the subject line. Include the name/blog address (if applicable)/clothing details that you would like to appear with your photo/credits. All work must be original to you. You do not need to have a blog to participate.

DEADLINE: April 29 May 19

This convenient Fashion Pass gives you permission to act like an idiot in the name of Miz Bagg and VOGOFF magazine.*

I hope you will join in - it's a great chance to show off your uber-fashion talent. The last VOGOFF issue has had almost 10,000 reads to date, which for some bloggers may not be a big deal but for me is very thrilling. Thank you everyone who had a look, and thanks especially to the incredibly talented women who so generously contributed to it! 

*Okay, I'm joking here. Miz Bagg/VOGOFF/Bag and a Beret will not be liable for public mischief that results from photo shoots for VOGOFF magazine. Why must I even write this?...