VOGOFF December 2012 issue

Here it is: the VOGOFF December 2012 issue. This is what I have been busy doing during my spare time. Miz Bagg was a taskmaster. I hope you like it - I certainly enjoyed putting it together. My thanks to all the wonderful people who contributed to this issue. Mwah!! Maybe YOU will be in the next one...? Click below to read it in pdf format.
VOGOFF December 2012

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Issue 1 (test issue)
Issue 3
Issue 4

Oh dahlings, meet my little wittle Pucci jumpsuit

Oh dahlings, why, oh why, did I buy this $2,000 Pucci jumpsuit? Am I, as they say, fou?

But is my jumpsuit not jolie? Especially with my Miu Miu boots? In the above photo I am Puccicking in my foyer. And below I am Puccicking again at my back door. As you can see, I simply cannot let you inside - the mess is, as they say at my chateau in France, horrible.

Yes, jolly frigging right this piece is jolie. I paid 19 bucks for it at House of Vintage Fashion. Bwa-ha-ha! And it's not Pucci. Frankly, lacking a label I have no idea WHAT it is, and I don't caaaare. But I can tell you this: this polyester jumpsuit madness made me feel like far more than a paltry $2,000, especially on a rainy day.

Details of the outfit:

• vintage floral polyester jumpsuit, thrifted, House of Vintage Fashion, $19
• brown crackle leather Miu Miu boots, thrifted, Wildlife Thrift Store, $9
• quilted cotton biker jacket, sample sale, Metallicus, $20?
• indigo beret, thrifted, Community Thrift Store, $10?
• magic loupe pendant, O made it for me
• black wool turtleneck, thrifted, Value Village
• fingerless knit gloves, retail ($5?), Canadian Tire automotive store

The room above is in fact dark grey, but as soon as I walked in it turned white and multicoloured tongues unfurled from the walls to blow happy raspberries at me. I swear it's true. I was drenched in fruity wall spit! 

The couple on the balcony, overwhelmed by delirious contentment gazing at my Pucciesque explosion of floral goodness as I leapt past, immediately turned to stone. Even distracted birds were flying into the walls. That's the power of style, my friends. Yup, the power of style.

Sandra, bandmate and blogger of Lens is More, and I were at it again, combing downtown for photo ops and behaving rather badly. But we have no shame... 

Pay no attention to my moustache. Whatever you do, don't look at my moustache. That black thing, don't look at it - it's not there, the black moustache thing. Kidding aside, the bronze arm under my nose makes me feel like a true artiste like Dali and ready for a sneeze at a moment's notice. See Sandra's blog for a photo of her with a moustache - if she posted it... It was her idea.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. 

So much architecture to climb, so little time today. We really ought to bring a step ladder on our next outing. 

I shall be linking this post to Patti's fantastic Visible Monday at her blog Not Dead Yet Style. I missed last week - bu hao. I look forward to seeing everyone there. I hope you've all had shameless weekends. 

Have you ever had someone mistake your vintage finds for designer label apparel? I'm sure many of you have, and I admit getting a laugh when the two are confused. If I really HAD paid $2,000 for this "Pucci" jumpsuit, most of you would think I'm mad. I considered trying to fool you but in the context of this blog, that would be almost impossible! But what if all my blog's "thrifted" finds were really new designer labels in disguise? Would you think less of me?

Finally, I have been LOOOVING everyone's twee-free tulle photos! Huge hugs to Sarah at Misfits Vintage for setting off this tulletarianism! See her Tutu and a Teacup Challenge if you want to join. Liberate your inner bitch ballerina. You'll feel better. Really.

Kiss of the drunken spider woman

I'm not in space any more but the retro rocket is still firing - thanks to this gift from the fabulous PAO from Project Minima: vintage maxi knit dress with an enormous brown velvet bow, once worn by her mother. Clearly we know that PAO is exploding with style and artistic talent, but now we also know that she inherited some pretty awesome get-your-groove-on genes from her mum.

It's too bad I didn't have a champagne glass as an accessory when I went out today, as surely the elevationary effervescence from a raised glass of bubbly would have flown me and this magical dress to my coffee shop in very good time and in much better style than Mary Poppins with her priggish umbrella; I would just have to hang on to the stem of the glass very tightly and watch out for spills. This dress made me feel very '60s martini/champagne party and bewitching at the same time. 

After my photo session I remembered a photo I had seen of Sonia Braga in her Spider Woman role from the movie Kiss of the Spider Woman. Our poses are similar but I think for my own good I'll end all comparisons there! Her web is very Alexander McQueen, don't you think?

My walk home was challenging: Step step step POSE. Step step step POSE. Sometimes you've just got to flaunt it; I'm glad I didn't pull a muscle from the exertion. "Here she comes, A-walkin' down the street, She gets the funniest looks from, Everyone she meets..." (Lyrics from the Monkees)

Details of the outfit:

• knit maxi dress, by Paul Stanley, New York, gift from the magnificent PAO
• maxi white nylon slip, thrifted (it came with my maxi sequin dress here)
• animal print shoes, Dolce and Gabbana, thrifted
• pantyhose(!), retail
• wooden matryoshka*, retail, Lee Valley Tools, refashioned by me, hardware by O

Accessory-wise I made do with the all-knowing-eye teacup carrier that I made from a wooden matryoshka - colour on one side (above), black and white on the other (below). The following photo also gives you a better idea of the fabric. The geometric pattern is a dark chocolate brown on ivory and there are textural horizontal lines throughout the fabric as well. I really needed the slip. (*edit: I learnt the correct word is matryoshka or matrushka, not babushka as originally posted)

So a huge thanks and hugs to PAO for making my magical journey possible today!! I couldn't have done it without you. This is my new absolute favourite dress!! 

My outfits often remind me of animals, plants, and even, in this case, a female spider. Do you make comparisons like that about your outfits? Curious. I hope you are enjoying your magical journeys in your fabulous frocks and slacks and what have you's. Breathe, breathe, breathe, aaaah.

(When I say today in this post, I mean yesterday; I wrote this up last night.)

Maxi dress across the universe

Such a huge job for such a wee maxi dress - transporting me across the universe - all for the low, low price of $4.99 at local fabric mecca Dessew.

The dress is a new old stock garment made of jersey knit fabric so the plasticization effect that often occurs with old polyester is not quite as deliciously cringeworthy as it would be with a heavier-weight fabric. The triad of blue, striped middle, and bottom are cleverly sewn into unified magnificence. I love the shoulder pads in this too, which is odd because it's one of the first items to go when I buy a period piece. 

Obviously I am continuing the space theme I started a couple of posts ago. I carried my gold bag out again to protect from cosmic rays, but I think in this dress I am impervious to meteor showers, cosmic rays, and other such space matters - except Dr. Spock.

Details of the outfit:

• new old stock maxi dress, fabric shop Dressew
• long-sleeved black T under short-sleeved dress
• black tights, retail
• Frump heels, retail
• universe, free for all

It looks like I'm falling from one world into another and orange energy is spewing out of my head. I sometimes feel like the expression on my face. 

I didn't retouch these photos except to crop them - I simply curled onto my painting's surface on the floor under my camera, which was balanced (precariously!) on its tripod jammed into the painting rack. I don't have a remote so running back and forth with the timer was challenging - especially when the shot demanded absolute repose in the galaxy enveloping me.

Below is an excerpt of lyrics from the Beatles song Across the Universe:

Images of broken light

Which dance before me like a million eyes

They call me on and on across the universe

Thoughts meander like a restless wind 

Inside a letter box 

They tumble blindly as they make their way

Across the universe

I did that painting a few years ago. It's big, and until now I never much cared for its galactic imagery; now I love it. If you've got art you are not fond of, try putting it on the floor and rolling around on it - and photographing the process. I guarantee you'll feel differently about it afterwards...

Gorgeous Patti is hosting her magnificent Visible Monday again. Of course Monday's there are great, but her blog is welcoming any day of the week: Not Dead Yet Style.

PS - If you couldn't watch my band's (Just Bad Enough) debut "music" video on your system, I've put it on YouTube. Fabulous Miss Simmonds commented already because I gave her a sneak peek, but sadly I took down the original (and her comment - so sorry!) because I reposted it with better quality. So if you haven't seen it yet and want to question my taste even more, go have a look. Watch out for Language.

What to wear for space travel

When I think of space travel I think '60s, definitely the '60s, more specifically, Lost in Space, the US TV series that started out in black and white and then went full-on groovelicious colour. When I saw this tunic I thought of Judy Robinson, one of the show's characters, the eldest daughter of the space-travelling Robinson family, who had a crush on the ship's pilot, Major Don West. Even in my tender years I had hoped that Don and Judy would get it on, but it was a family show...

I have some of the early Lost in Space episodes on DVD, and the soundtracks with their theremins and other assorted creepy monster sounds still send a chill down my back. I'll never forget Will Robinson, the annoying whip-smart young son, telling his family that the alien space ship must be "preprogrammed to swallow visitors." I like to quote that line on many occasions.

I hauled out my go-go boots for this outfit because they seemed to up the space vibe. Who wouldn't wear go-go boots into outer space? Moon boots (and Uggs) are just too clunky, plus teen heartthrob Justin Bieber wears silver moon boots and I'm not exactly a fan, big understatement. And my gold bag could be worn on my head in emergencies to protect from cosmic rays.

Details of the outfit

• brown velour tunic, thrifted
• black turtleneck, thrifted
• black jeggings, thrifted
• go-go boots, Winners, ultra-cheap because nobody else wanted them
• gold bag, hand-me-over
• magic pendant, handcrafted for me by O

The go-go boots were last seen here as go-go-sno boots.

And I thought of doing my Treading Water pose, which I learnt in Miz Bagg's fabulous tutorial here, but it was too late...

Also, thanks, everyone, for your kind remarks about my music video. I know it's crude, oh-so-unladylike, but I just couldn't help myself. That song helped me connect to my inner ditchwater, and I hope it gave you a laugh. And it wasn't really heavy metal - more like punk - but what the heck. I am still committed to spreading light and happiness here on Earth - and in outer space. Yee-haw! The name of my spaceship is Grushenka V.

What would you wear for space travel?...

I'm linking up to Patti's splendorous Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style. There is definitely a lot of positive energy over there. All your shining faces are the perfect way to blast into my week. Five, four, three, two, one...

Hieroglyphs and Fluevogs

I casually strolled by Fluevog's Water Street shoe store last week on my way home from the art opening, stupidly forgetting the supernatural powers of the maxi cheongsam dress (as seen in last post) that I was wearing at the time. And look what happened!

I walked out with green shag-carpet boots. I circled the table they were on like a cat purring. Daintily I picked up said boot and peered into its sole until my hair stood on end - it was a cosmic connection: the sticker said $269 down to $99. I had to pounce! Considering I wore these boots TWICE already last week, I figure I'm practically making money from this investment.

These boots have an open toe AND an open heel - the heel is difficult to see with all the shag bits - and an inside seam zip and stacked wood platforms. I justified this purchase as a reward for winding up my art gallery activities.

Of course I was feeling very hieroglyphic in this shagariffic footwear. The blues and greens are like Fight Club on my legs. These new boots definitely are appropriate for Patti's Visible Monday gathering. I'll see you all there!

Details of the outfit:

• Fluevog brand boots, The Jericho, $99 new
• satin neon orange sleeveless blouse, thrifted
• satin dark blue top, hand-me-over
• red beret, thrifted
• blue stretch skirt, sample sale, $10?
• gold bag, hand-me-over
• inspiration: Egypt and Fluevogs

I'm wondering if you ever buy things that make you squeamish. These boots are like that for me - gross green, suede, and deliciously, naughtily out of bounds! 

I'll have some fries and an ice cream sundae with this dress

This has got to be one of my favourite outfits ever - and I'm linking it to Patti's fantastic Visible Monday. I thrifted this beautiful maxi cheongsam-style dress a couple of days ago for $11. It was made in the UK, Monsoon label, which I have seen before on other blogs. The fabric stretches so there are no zips and the dress has great give.


I chose these patent leather vintage shoes to enhance the old-world vibe humming from the dress, and I wore an Indian-motif blue top underneath against the chill. I love the blue clash between the top and my turquoise tights. For another twist I added the blue beaded brooch which I bought at a craft sale from the hat lady who had intended it as a hat accent. And I topped the outfit with my bright red head bangle to jangle with the crimson. Youch. Feelin' good.

You can see how this dress might move below. There's a wickedly daring slit up one side, which, apart from the chill, was another reason for the tights. Click, click, click - I traipsed clear across town in these kitten heels.

Do I look like I'm walking?

Details of the outfit

• Monsoon dress, thrifted, Community Thrift Store, $11
• patent leather shoes, vintage, $10?, True Value Vintage (gone now)
• turquoise tights, sample sale
• blue India-print top, thrifted, Value Village about 8 years ago
• bag, gift from Singapore for plant-sitting

I wore this to the art opening of SPLASH at Baron Gallery, the exhibit of the work done by my action painting workshop participants, although it would be equally appropriate for a picnic or moon dance. What a great turnout we had. Positive energy was bouncing off the walls - so I pocketed the leftovers and carried it home to snack on later, or rather, it carried me home...

Have a great week, everyone. Don't forget to breathe...

Happy maxi skirt with attitude

Hello, everyone! I'm on my way to Visible Monday at Patti's place, Not Dead Yet Style. It's a new week, full of possibilities... I'm ready. Nothing like a zesty lemon maxi skirt to sproing me up. I bought it at - gulp - Joe Fresh...new. (I hang my head in shame.) This skirt very boldly screamed at me as I gawped at it in the window about a month ago. I didn't flinch though - I knew the price would drop. And drop it did. I waltzed in and rescued it late last week for half price. I don't think the store had sold even one; every size was still on the rack. So sad but not surprising. (Where do unwanted skirts go?)

Here it is, the look that says, Don't get in my way or I'll flatten you in my happy skirt. O calls it The Willow Monster with Two Shadows. In fact, I can imagine silently levitating down the sidewalk in this upright position, frighteningly calm and zesty, very Japanime.

This is the best spinnaker sail in my closet! Today was breezy and I just couldn't resist gently holding out the folds to catch the wind. Whenever I'd stop at a walk signal, it would take seconds for the billowing fabric behind me to catch up. I wore the turtleneck to protect my neck from the sun but the fabric is light and breathes. And there was plenty of air-conditioning down below...

Details of the outfit:

• yellow maxi skirt (with pockets!), Joe Fresh, new, $30
• fuchsia silk top and teal silk top, hand-me-overs
• turtleneck, thrifted
• Michael Kors platform sandals, thrifted, Value Village
• sunglasses, new about 15 years ago, Sunglasses Hut?

I also had a kick in my walk because I was feeling energized and to prevent falling flat on my face by tripping over that hem. Did I also say this the longest maxi I own? Tip: People are friendly to women in lemon skirts.

Other News

I took down my art pieces tonight; the Baron Gallery exhibit closed yesterday. What a ride that was!! The people who attended my action painting workshop will be exhibiting their works for a week and the opening is Sunday, July 22, 2-4 p.m. Free refreshments. I'll definitely be there. Everyone is so incredibly talented, I wouldn't miss it. Thanks for your support during this exhibition!! I really appreciated it. 

Remedy for too much pattern

This dress had too much pattern for my liking so there was only one thing I could do: add more pattern. I desperately needed a distraction from the florals, and I found the solution in my lovely satin Oriental top with its own groovy motif. I added the little velvet tie belt to disrupt the red field on my torso and unify the overall flow. The pattern riot is then anchored by black shoes and Trusty Beret.

When I thrifted this dress for about a dollar it had big stiff ruffles lined with bright pink satin around the cuffs and hemline - hideously fun but seriously too hideous. I ripped them off immediately but kept them for future projects. This dress was obviously lovingly hand-made. The fabric is a polymorphoid blend, which is most probably water-resistant by the old feel of it.

Details of the outfit

• polymorphoid thrifted maxi dress, True Value Vintage (gone now), about a dollar
• red satin Oriental top, Wildlife Thrift Store
• stretch pointy heels, new some years ago
• black T underneath to shield myself from the rainproof fabric

This outfit looks much better in motion that it does static. As I kicked down the sidewalk this outfit seemed to say, "Howdy, howdy, would you like to join me for tea?" I wore this on Friday, July 6, just before summer descended at precisely 10:03 Saturday morning. 

And today I am happy to join everyone over at Patti's Visible Monday gathering. I look forward to seeing you there! Everyone always looks so brilliant. 

Other News

I gave my encore artist talk on Sunday at Baron Gallery and it went very well! The capacity audience was incredibly supportive so I felt very relaxed. An art critic also wrote a review of my work and my talk, which was published Friday in an online award-winning newspaper - it gave me a shock...and a huge grin! If you're interested, you can find it here. I wore my muu muu and beret, and of course Grushenka, my magic wand/pointer cast a lovely bubble of safety and goodness.

One mouth four ways

Foreskins and corpse and bovine fat are just some of the lovely ingredients that women, and sometimes men, inject into their faces, especially their lips, to look beautiful. Of course these ingredients have pretty names once they are packaged, but they are what they are. Why do we do this? Why are big lips such an attraction, especially for 40+ women? Why is it that I'll never hear these words as I walk by: "Wow, she has the most awesome thin lips!!"

So I-Of-The-Thin-Lips decided to do my own big-lip investigation as part of my series of art projects on identity and some of the results are scaaary, in an unexpected way, which you'll find out if you read on.

Below is my lip transformation. On my face I am wearing foundation and translucent powder to maintain colour under the lights. Unfortunately, I didn't smooth out the powder on my nose, which I suppose is not such a big deal considering all the other little imperfections competing for attention under the bright lights.

The Transformation

Top left: no lips, foundation on my lips; Top centre: outline of natural lips; Top right: Look (1) lipstick on natural lips. Bottom left: Look (2) lips drawn bigger than real lips; Bottom centre: Look (3) lips drawn even bigger; Bottom right: Look (4) big, huge, ginormous lips so I can't even talk without drooling.

It's easy not to appreciate how much my lips have taken over my face from start to finish, but have another look. Compare the bottom right photo, Look (4), to the one directly above it, Look (1). How, you may ask, did I achieve those whopper-licious lips? 

Bounty (the papertowels). "Mah wips ah bwootifoe. Kwiss me bwaybee!" You can actually see the wadded papertowel sticking out on the left - those are not my teeth, great illusion though. And the next photo is me removing the papertowel... Pitui. But better than having corpse fat in there...or is it?

And below you have the evidence of my fun experiment. Those lipstick stains around my mouth took some scrubbing with Bounty to get off. 

And one gratuitous movie star photo of me below with the most huge lips, minus the papertowels, Look (4). This is the kind of photo I would use on my book jacket if I ever had a book. But now you know my big-lip secret...

Oh no! I like big lips!

Oh gentle reader, I may not be ready for injections but I do indeed like the bigger-than-natural lips from drawing outside the lines in Look (2) and below. Now I GET it - this is what all the fuss is about. But it still feels odd drawing lipstick outside the lines, even though I would be the first to tell you to break that rule. Joan Crawford didn't mind doing it. I like the bow-like shape below even though this photo looks a bit like a mug shot. This is from a test photo the previous day.

So now that I have become thicker skinned with my thin lips, I think I should cut some slack for female Hollywood stars in particular and their big lips, but if you should ever encounter me out walking my own new big mouth, say hi but ironically don't expect a reply - I'm afraid I'd drool and my papertowels would fall out.

Have you ever thought of buying big lips? Are you blessed with them naturally? Have you ever augmented your lips? Do you draw lipstick outside the lines?! Thoughts?

Happy Fourth of July to my American blogger friends!

Outfit that grows up and up

After much deliberation, this is my outfit of choice for Patti's Visible Monday. This past week I have been enjoying wearing each and every one of my outfits so much that I have avoided taking photographs of them or translating the experience into words for fear of dulling the lingering electric edges, if that makes sense. What you see here was one of the most tame of the lot, but what I loved about it was it made me feel positively Brobdingnagian (great word! the giant people from Gulliver's Travels) or, simply, like a very, very tall tree. My trunk was in fact made of wood: Michael Kors thrifted wood platform sandals with leather uppers. The vertical stripes on both layers seemed to roll right past my head and up into the sky.

I thrifted both pieces in one go from the Wildlife Thrift Store, but I never realized at the time that I would be wearing them together. It wasn't until I had done a little closet jamming (layering clothes randomly from hanger to hanger in my closet - you should try it!), that I realized they were exactly the combo I was looking for. 

Details of the outfit

• orange sleeveless maxi, thrifted, Wildlife Thrift Store, $15?
• blue tunic, thrifted, Wildlife Thrift Store, $12?
• Michael Kors sandals, thrifted, $10, Value Village (not D&G as mentioned in an earlier post)
• long string of beads, too old to remember...
• white nylon maxi slip, came with wedding-type dress, Wildlife Thrift Store

In Other News

I finished reading a very, very long book, and while I feel enlightened by the content, I must confess to feeling relieved to be done with it, so I was happy to receive this short poem emailed to me by a friend based on Shakespeare's King Lear, which is my favourite of the Bard's tragedies. 

In case you don't know the story, a silly man, King Lear, asks his three daughters how much they love him. Two of them sickeningly exaggerate their love and the third says plainly how she loves him the way she has always loved him, no more, no less. The king then splits his kingdom between his two false daughters who promptly banish him to the wilds, only to be rescued by his true loving daughter, Cordelia. But what of Lear's wife? Poet W. S. Merwin asks the question in this great poem, "Lear's Wife." 

Have a great week, everyone! See you over at Patti's place.

Neutrals in overdrive (or my Clint Eastwood impression)

You know how much I love pattern mixing and loud florals lately... Well on Friday I needed something calmer, something quiet but with a big stick, er, handbag. This is what I chose and what I am including in Patti's wonderful Visible Monday get together.

My expression in this photo reminds me of Clint Eastwood - "Make my day, punk," she coos as she catwalks the city streets, swinging her oversized vinyl handbag menacingly at her side. This face is close to the rocker bad-girl face I was striving for with comic results the other day. To achieve it, all I had to do was "think chic." What does that mean?!...

I had forgotten the power of this hat. It is a light-knit cotton hat, very flimsy in fact, but the brim has stiff ribbing in the brim that maintains the strict shape. It was still cool outside so I had to wear my wool wrap too. 

Details of the outfit:

• side zip Capris, thrifted, Value Village years ago
• wool wrap, Eatons closing sale(?), years ago
• stretch shoe with wicked kitten heels, new several summers ago
• large black vinyl handbag, hand-me-over
• black oversized short-sleeved T by American Apparel, Winners years ago
• Hermes leather wrist wrap, hand-me-over (yes, a fabulous piece)
• black hat, I think it was new from The Bay years ago

Other News

The action painting workshop I led at Baron Gallery on Saturday was very satisfying. Everyone who joined made spectacular paintings and I am so pleased with how the day went! I returned home exhausted but with a big grin on my face. 

This is a photo of me with participant Jane Appleby and the magnificent piece she created in the workshop. You can still see signs of activity around the floor. Jane is a professional artist in Vancouver who had an urge to GO BIG. Did she ever! You can check her work here. I wanted the participants to paint my pants during the workshop as well but I forgot - next time. By the way, the talk last week went very well too, backed up by Grushenka, my magic wand, and the PowerPoint cartoons I had drawn.