Sunday, 16 August 2015

How to wear a onesie over 50

Uh-oh, I'm wearing it again - the onesie. The Norwegian Original. This time for shopping downtown, not frolicking in the woods like a dork, here. (In my defense, I was delusional under the influence of Justin Bieber at the time. Not true. I'm just always like that.) And look, another one-piece in the woods:
Melanie Kobayashi, Bag and a Beret, undercover in the woods
Is it a playsuit? No. A jumpsuit? Nunh. It's a hundreds-of-psychedelic-flowers-are-blooming-all-over-my-electric-body energy glove, never a suit! Worn with my D&G pony shoes, balding on the toe like a beloved plush toy, although I wouldn't sleep with my shoes or cuddle them when I'm unwell. The heels are getting worn too from clicking them together and muttering, there's no place like New York, there's no place like New York.
To be praaactical many might call this a jumpsuit, although there's nothing practical about a delicate rear zip in a vintage one-piece. Sure, if we want to be praaactical, let's just call this a HOPFABAOMEB-EG for short. Snort (as in laugh, not cocaine, my twisted friends). I feel like giving birth to a thousand butterflies when I wear this. Okay, ow. Let's just stop the imagery right there. Moving right along...
Mel Kobayashi, Bag and a Beret, undercover in the woods
Usually I tell my clothes what they are. Are you pyjamas? No. You are swishy-silky-daydreams for shopping in. Are you a tool box? No. You are a magical vessel full of potential riches in both spirit and cash. Unless I can't find my magical vessel, at which point it becomes, Where's my fecking purse!!
In the concrete studio, Mel Kobayashi, Bag and a Beret
Using regular names for things can be useful. If I went to a shop and said, "Do you have any hundreds-of-psychedelic-flowers-are-blooming-all-over-my-electric-body energy gloves," like a smartass, I'd probably get a sneer and snide, "No, lady, we don't." (Sneer and Snide - sounds like a water park or a cartoon duo)

Unless you're Corey Mah at retailer Holt Renfrew, who might just say, "Oh yes, I certainly do! Follow me." He's an art school grad after all. But he would be a rare exception. Even rarer would be that I drop $800 to buy said HOPFABAOMEB-EG, even marked down from $3000.

This is an outtake from my original red onesie shoot, oops, I mean my celebrity-red-rocket-body-casing-of-perverse-pleasure!! In Stanley Park.
Mel Kobayashi, Onesie in the Woods, scary
Today's ensemble featured lighthouse hair, green shaggy boots instead of runners, and a man robe off and on because it was chilly. I deleted the concrete box - so boooring. As I said before, nobody, absolutely nobody wears onesies in Vancouver. It mystifies; it's such a slackeriffic garment. How do you wear a onesie over 50? Uh, you just put it on. Doh.
Mel Kobayashi, The Norwegian Original in Vancouver
Pao of Project Minima had a brilliant idea to wear one green boot and one black since I have these boots in both colours. I love that. Another day.
How's your magical vessel? Bwahaha. Snort.


26 comments:

  1. Your onesie is far better than any of the hideous animal sort they have and wear out down here in NZ!! Yours is spectacular and worthy of being worn with green fringed shoes and that gorgeous smile of yours. I would get all in a pickle if I had a back zip, my days of back zips are over I fear. Such an explosion of colour in your floral number, very very nice.

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  2. Yes, you must wear one of each boot! I love the butterfly birthing onesie - only you! Your posts just delight me so.

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  3. now i´m blind!
    just gorgeous. both suits - but only because you´r in them. love.
    xxxxx

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  4. My twin girls have same shoes/ different colours and tend to wear one each! One of the perks of being a twin I guess. I certainly think it's a good look...mind you anything is a good look on you Mel!

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  5. Ey; That "hundreds-of-psychedelic-flowers-are-blooming-all-over-your-electric-body"! Maybe the greatest psychedelic piece ever!

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  6. I'm bewitched1 Both onesies are magnificent, magic in the woods. xox

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  7. Groovy baby! And that belt! Is it part of your S&M gear? Smashing darling!

    The thought of giving birth to thousands of butterflies is quite cool actually.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  8. Isn't that In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby? Yeah, I think so. And now I can't get it out of my head................iron butterflies........................

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  9. Well, my dear, you can definitely wear a onesie. Those pics of you at Stanley Park are gorgeous!

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  10. Every woman needs to opportunity to meet Corey Mah, he was a jewel! Now this "hundreds-of-psychedelic-flowers-are-blooming-all-over-my-electric-body energy gloves" was made for you! I sure hope you did some high energy butterfly dancing in it.

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  11. Forgot to mention, I'm in awe at your drawings.

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  12. the onesie looks like baggy long underwear. The second one is beautiful

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  13. hurrah for hundred-of-psychedelic flowers blooming all over you!!, fabulousness blooming too!!, love your posts more than I can express (even in spanish it would be hard to explain!)
    besos & flores

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  14. My magical vessel is feeling fantastic, thank you! I would wear a onesie like this any day, over 70. You provide a wonderful role model!

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  15. No-one can rock a onesie like you , simply sensational. Your blooming all over jumpsuit just amazing . Thank you for cheering up a cold Winter day.

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  16. How do you wear a onesie over 50? With apprehension, and you are one brave girl!

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  17. Nobody does a onesie you like you, dear Mel! The Bieber doesn't even come close. And I'm pretty sure it's your body energy electrifying that floral number. No other way to account for its mind-altering impact. Boots in different colours - reminds me I did that trick waaay back in the 60s (one orange one lime green)...

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  18. You are adorable - I am inspired !

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  19. Ha! I love the HOPFABAOMEB-EG, it's so bright and cheerful!

    The onesie looks perfect on you. :)

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  20. Every time I take a walk in the woods I hope hope hope that I will see a little red onsie elf or a butterfly jumpsuit fairy. And if my memory from the jumpsuit phase of the 70's is true, you have to be magical to peel them off to pee in a public rest room stall and get them back up and on properly. I don't know if I'm still that flexible.

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  21. You were born in the wrong era (or did you experience the psychedelic seventies as well? No, you are too young. These dresses/ jumpsuit / onesies, bright colours, flowers... they all look terrific on you. I adore and love this flower one. And the belt is fantastic with it. I would not be at all surprised if this came from Pat's mom. Such a delight. You can see the quality from afar. I am not joking, that thing looks absolutely fantastic on you. It even is the right length (very important with these things.
    As for the green and black shoe, I agree. You should wear one green and one black with the red onesie. After all... who can do this? Who owns two colours of the same shoes?
    I am glad you mentioned Corey Mah again. He is such a delight for a woman who likes to shop. He is my dream sales man.
    Greetje

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  22. Those flowers blooming all over you are exquisite! How do you cope with the mesmerized butterflies? The red ones looks most comfortable. As you say, just put it on!x

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  23. I have just come across your blog and I am speechless :D You look ever so fabulous in everything you are wearing. Beautiful colours and bold designes. Congratulations on your unique style. In your free time I'd like to invite you to see my blog, too. It's : www.iameverywoman.eu . Margot

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