My awards ceremony in New York!

You'll never guess!!

Yesterday I was whisked off to New York by Concorde to accept this prestigious award from the Academy of Interior Design & Horticulture: 

Schpetacular Achievement Award 2015!

It's a fancy way of saying I have been the world's top expert on home design/decor and gardening in 2015!! I know. I know. I couldn't have been more surprised than you are! O fainted.

What an immensely gratifying win it is after all my years of slavish devotion in making my home a cozy kingdom of creature comforts, despite doing my best to keep them out from under the bed. But this award was more for my writing about things I know absolutely nothing about than actual practice, as is so often the case. 

You may be surprised to learn that I penned these billion-dollar best-sellers: 

• Discovering your Inner Pine Cone, celebrating the unspeakable joy of pine-cone table-toppers and other home decor items made from twigs, bark, leaves, and spray-can snow; 

• Lapdancing: Creative Napkin-Folding for Every Occasion (x-rated cover photo), with contributions by "Suzie," in-house professional at The Penthouse strip club;

• The Dark Side of Glitter, an expose of the dirty secrets behind interior decorating and crafting. Suzanne helped me with this book.

I hope you already have your signed copies. If not, they are available through Miz Bagg Entertainment Management for $10,000 each. Get yours before prices skyrocket on the back of this coup of recognition.

I wish I could have invited you to the gala but it was hush-hush until the last minute; I didn't even know I had won until they pulled my name out of their arse.

So I am sharing with you a couple of clips of my special day, including my acceptance speech and musings at the glittering after-party. The Academy swears that the statuette is made of pink gold... See for yourself.

WARNING: Crude gestures and coarse language. But I was forced into it, I swear and swear and swear. I bleeped whenever possible. You have to watch both videos, not just one, and in order. Now go! Heh. I'm so bossy. 

This shoot was really fun for me, if no one else. The challenge was to see what it's like to fake laugh and improvise a character alone in front of my tripod, and then bring it to life.

For my inspirational book cover, I used three pine cones I found on Granville Island having gone there on my inspiration walk yesterday morning specifically to look for them. These were the only ones left - meant to be. Meant to be, folks.

I am The Ice Queen

Test shot, wearing XL-sized Eileen Fisher top in softest cotton, 

a favourite lounge piece thrifted from My Sister's Closet

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You know that saying, fake it till you make it? How about, make it as a fake? Heh.

Ciao, my beauties. I hope my crude behaviour didn't offend you. That was completely out of character, as any of you who know me will swear too. Bwahaha. 

If you watched the clips, then clearly you have tarried at this post beyond all health & safety blog visitation recommendations. Congratulations. Now go get yourself a treat! Sweet? Savoury? Or both...? Or perhaps a liquid?