How to wear a onesie over 50

Uh-oh, I'm wearing it again - the onesie. The Norwegian Original. This time for shopping downtown, not frolicking in the woods like a dork, here. (In my defense, I was delusional under the influence of Justin Bieber at the time. Not true. I'm just always like that.) And look, another one-piece in the woods:

Is it a playsuit? No. A jumpsuit? Nunh. It's a hundreds-of-psychedelic-flowers-are-blooming-all-over-my-electric-body energy glove, never a suit! Worn with my D&G pony shoes, balding on the toe like a beloved plush toy, although I wouldn't sleep with my shoes or cuddle them when I'm unwell. The heels are getting worn too from clicking them together and muttering, there's no place like New York, there's no place like New York.

To be praaactical many might call this a jumpsuit, although there's nothing practical about a delicate rear zip in a vintage one-piece. Sure, if we want to be praaactical, let's just call this a HOPFABAOMEB-EG for short. Snort (as in laugh, not cocaine, my twisted friends). I feel like giving birth to a thousand butterflies when I wear this. Okay, ow. Let's just stop the imagery right there. Moving right along...

Usually I tell my clothes what they are. Are you pyjamas? No. You are swishy-silky-daydreams for shopping in. Are you a tool box? No. You are a magical vessel full of potential riches in both spirit and cash. Unless I can't find my magical vessel, at which point it becomes, Where's my fecking purse!!

Using regular names for things can be useful. If I went to a shop and said, "Do you have any hundreds-of-psychedelic-flowers-are-blooming-all-over-my-electric-body energy gloves," like a smartass, I'd probably get a sneer and snide, "No, lady, we don't." (Sneer and Snide - sounds like a water park or a cartoon duo)

Unless you're Corey Mah at retailer Holt Renfrew, who might just say, "Oh yes, I certainly do! Follow me." He's an art school grad after all. But he would be a rare exception. Even rarer would be that I drop $800 to buy said HOPFABAOMEB-EG, even marked down from $3000.

This is an outtake from my original red onesie shoot, oops, I mean my celebrity-red-rocket-body-casing-of-perverse-pleasure!! In Stanley Park.

Today's ensemble featured lighthouse hair, green shaggy boots instead of runners, and a man robe off and on because it was chilly. I deleted the concrete box - so boooring. As I said before, nobody, absolutely nobody wears onesies in Vancouver. It mystifies; it's such a slackeriffic garment. How do you wear a onesie over 50? Uh, you just put it on. Doh.

Pao of Project Minima had a brilliant idea to wear one green boot and one black since I have these boots in both colours. I love that. Another day.

How's your magical vessel? Bwahaha. Snort.

If Bieber can wear it, so can I

I was arrested by this siren-red thing drooping on the $5 rail as I did my regular thrift shop walk-by. What was it? Jammies? Undies? For exercise? For seduction? It was constructed well, but I finally bought it because it said The Norwegian Original and I have always admired Scandinavian countries.

It turns out this onesie by OnePiece is high-flyin' celeb style and this Slim Fit like mine retails for $149. The OnePiece site features countless photos of young music/film/TV stars wearing them (here), including Justin Bieber in a red one. Well, if he can wear one, so can I. 

Of course, Bieber is fly, he's down.* I'm down and I can be a fly in training, which would make me, um, a maggot. Moving right along.

A winning feature of this garment is you can zip it right up over your face. Boo-yeeah! Think of all those bad hair days, zip and gone! The company is clearly missing a vital marketing opportunity in the middle-aged tween group of women who are maladjusted and will go to any lengths to conceal the signs of aging. 

My fear of using the tripod in Stanley Park for this self-timer photo was I'd zip this onesie shut and not be able to unzip it. By the time I would have gnawed by way through the cotton, not only would my camera and tripod be gone, but I'd be surrounded by hoards of tourists filming the Canadian wildlife, which would be absurd - I'm only still a maggot. 

I chose the park for these photos because I liked the quivering contrast between the urban street punk and tranquillity vibe, and between the red and green. (And in case I got lost - I'd be easier to find.)

My rating of this OnePiece? Tip-top. It was comfortable, except for a slight diaper-walk effect from the dropped crotch. There was a convenient bottom-up zip for emergencies - of what nature we can only speculate - and handy pockets at crotch level too. Yes. Well. 

I think I should be on the celebrity page. I'm almost fly. I'm down, not today particularly because I had fun in the park, but sometimes I am. Please put me on the Celebrity Page. 

Contact pr.usa@onepiece.com. (Just thought I'd throw that into the universe, heh.)

*I am not a fan of Bieber. I don't even know any of his songs. And this is NOT a sponsored post.

And I went out for lunch with my friend Sharron yesterday and afterwards we took photos. I've featured her before on my street style blog, here and here. This is one of my favourite shots from her iPhone; she encouraged me to post it and I love it, so here it is. 

Photo by Sharron Burnard, 2015

I'm wearing the farked jacket from two posts ago with men's sailor pants, chain belt as a necklace, and magic loupe. I'm also wearing new lipstick courtesy of Sharron. THANK YOU! I LOVE IT! The Holt Renfrew woman put it on me professionally and I noticed the difference with my Crayola crayon approach.

And another red thing I saw at the park today:

Finally, a huge thank you to Debbie Iles at Lily Sage & Co. for featuring me on her Friday Showcase on the weekend. She is a wildly talented sewist and I was honoured to be on her blog. And thank you for your very kind, generous comments! 

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. And don't worry. After I become a onesie schtar I won't forget you. I better go practise getting down in the fly way now.

I wore this for Mis Papelicos

Of course, I wore it for myself too. Share-in-Style: Christmas.

Nothing says Christmas more to me than glitter and sparkle.

This is what I wore in the little sketch I recently posted - my vintage red wool cape with my vintage '70s sleeveless crepe wool onesie with palazzo legs featuring side slits edged with diamond rhinestones. The slit goes as high as the metallic silver applique. My concrete stairway has never felt so glamorous. Those are also little rhinestone details at the neckline. One is missing. I don't care. I should have taken a closeup - next time. The red cape reminds me of Santa's elves.

The normals gave me a wide berth in this outfit. 

Wearing

thrifted vintage '70s (maybe '60s?) evening onesie, sleeveless, with rhinestones

thrifted black wool turtleneck under the onesie

black tights with black knee socks

black glitter booties

thrifted black beret

thrifted vintage red wool cape with faux fur trim

toolbox hand bag (not shown)

magic loupe AND magic ring

While I was downtown today I bought some imagination at Sephora, a cosmetics store. Of course I walked out with a product but my fantasy is what compelled me to wait and wait and wait in an impossibly long checkout line when normally I would just leave. Most of the women in line were dressed for the Canadian outdoors in dark serviceable clothing and wore little or no makeup. I had exaggeratedly-defined brows today and red red lipstick on, and this outfit, but that's all. A little cloud of electricity buzzed overhead from our collective anticipation/exhaustion/stress. I wondered for how many of us our purchases will materialize our dreams. Personally, there's no question that the opaque eye shadow kit I bought will make me dazzling, more talented, rich, famous, and smarter.

And finally, taking a VERY short walk in this outfit. I couldn't resist showing you - it flows so wonderfully. The soundtrack is not very Christmasy, but I like it.

That's all. Hope you're not too frazzled by the holidays - they pass over me like warm chocolate syrup on ice cream. With a brief(?) stop on my hips and buttoxil area.  Cheers!

Question: I have been playing around with my banner, etc., lately, and I am wondering - when I update something like that, do you get a long list of new post notices in your readers? I hope not! Please let me know.