How to figure skate over 55

A Christmas Story of Triumph

O and I finally put up our tree last week after we fired up the crane in the garage. Oh humble Christmas tree, several stories high, with lovely beige(?!)-wrapped gifts underneath, except, oh? What's that? Oh my, a little something something from Santa?!

GAAAAA!!!! Just what I wanted! Figure skates! My evil rival, Miz Bagg, stole my last pair four years ago in the middle of the Milky Way Figure Skating Championships, so I was forced to compete without them. I still won of course. No one does a Besti squat or Biellmann spin better than me, on ice, shaken, not stirred. Give me a couple of bottles, not of milk, and I'll give you an eyeful of swizzle and twizzle too. (real skating terms)

As for the skates, I had to shake my head at these new high-tech wonders. The blades list all the added vitamins and minerals, and include a calorie count which fluctuates depending on whether or not you wear them with milk. That's a bit much, don't you think? Milk?! Cocoa, yeah, I could understand, or coffee even. And let's not forget that cold weather burns calories 3.8 times faster than warm weather. It's an unproven fact. All too confusing.

Inside was tucked a little note from the Intergalactic Figure Skating Championships with an urgent invitation to their meet yesterday in Vancouver. Why not?, I thought. Having eliminated all my former competition, I would be the only entrant.

All the usual judges were there, some I knew intimately having schlepped with them during past games. Mars, hot-headed and annoying, Venus, constantly sobbing and fainting, Pluto, way out there, reminds me of a politician, and of course Uranus, working overtime, always bending over. The only non-Milky Way was Planet X, a cool artist creature in a silver lamé onesie.

There was no ice so I skated on the waters of Burrard Inlet, such is my talent. The move above is a Mel original. And so is the one below. And I threw in some sow-cows. When I was done my routine, an Orca whale gave me a lift back to shore. While daintily gripping its dorsal fin, I reclined like a mermaid in readiness for the media waiting on the pier.

I think my solo program went really well. Especially since I was the only competitor. But it was time to move to pairs. My partner, Chucky, was a bit wooden and couldn't keep his mouth shut. At least he was dressed very on trend, had silver hair, and sported a long beard thingy. 

But we shared a special energy. (Actually, he bit me after this shot. I slapped him with my flowers.)

And at the end of my program, I anxiously awaited news of my scores. I'm glad I had white duct tape to keep my laces tied!!

And there I am at the podium. A perfect score - AGAIN. My blades got a bit mangled, but that's what happens when you're really, really good.

Drinks are on the house! Cheers everyone.

A flubbed Lutz is called a Flutz (true). A klutz is just a klutz (true). And I never schlepped with the judges. I didn't have to - schtellar talent schpeaks for itschelf. Oof.

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About the coat, early '60s faux fur, ultra warm, swing cut, by Robert Meshekoff. I always want to figure skate when I wear it. Champagne white, not as yellow or as white as some of those photos.

This post includes bits of revised content from an earlier post. The photo session with the Christmas trees was outside a very popular downtown eatery, Glowbal. I had to navigate around the trendy crowds going in and out, not easily done in skates which require delicate shuffling action no matter how high-tech they are. I'm thankful that the management didn't shoo me away. Clearly they could see I was a pro athlete.

I'm linking this skating adventure up to Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb.

I hope you all get a break from outside annoyances during the holidays. See you soon. xo

Have you got any clothes that make you want to figure skate?! Pole vault? Do long jump? Shot put?

I wore this for Mis Papelicos

Of course, I wore it for myself too. Share-in-Style: Christmas.

Nothing says Christmas more to me than glitter and sparkle.

This is what I wore in the little sketch I recently posted - my vintage red wool cape with my vintage '70s sleeveless crepe wool onesie with palazzo legs featuring side slits edged with diamond rhinestones. The slit goes as high as the metallic silver applique. My concrete stairway has never felt so glamorous. Those are also little rhinestone details at the neckline. One is missing. I don't care. I should have taken a closeup - next time. The red cape reminds me of Santa's elves.

The normals gave me a wide berth in this outfit. 

Wearing

thrifted vintage '70s (maybe '60s?) evening onesie, sleeveless, with rhinestones

thrifted black wool turtleneck under the onesie

black tights with black knee socks

black glitter booties

thrifted black beret

thrifted vintage red wool cape with faux fur trim

toolbox hand bag (not shown)

magic loupe AND magic ring

While I was downtown today I bought some imagination at Sephora, a cosmetics store. Of course I walked out with a product but my fantasy is what compelled me to wait and wait and wait in an impossibly long checkout line when normally I would just leave. Most of the women in line were dressed for the Canadian outdoors in dark serviceable clothing and wore little or no makeup. I had exaggeratedly-defined brows today and red red lipstick on, and this outfit, but that's all. A little cloud of electricity buzzed overhead from our collective anticipation/exhaustion/stress. I wondered for how many of us our purchases will materialize our dreams. Personally, there's no question that the opaque eye shadow kit I bought will make me dazzling, more talented, rich, famous, and smarter.

And finally, taking a VERY short walk in this outfit. I couldn't resist showing you - it flows so wonderfully. The soundtrack is not very Christmasy, but I like it.

That's all. Hope you're not too frazzled by the holidays - they pass over me like warm chocolate syrup on ice cream. With a brief(?) stop on my hips and buttoxil area.  Cheers!

Question: I have been playing around with my banner, etc., lately, and I am wondering - when I update something like that, do you get a long list of new post notices in your readers? I hope not! Please let me know. 

Seized by layering

It's like wearing a heavily-padded cotton snowmobile suit so thick you can only walk Frankenstein-style, arms and legs like popsicle sticks, and pray you don't drop anything. I was seized up with layers. All that was missing was the pointy cone parka hood with a tassel on the tip.  It was 2C (about 35F) when I went out. Naturally I had to wear my short shorts which I had foolishly neglected to wear all summer.

These are the layers. PAY ATTENTION. You'll be tested on this later.

Of course I also had on my magic loupe and leather gloves. 

I bought the shorts extra big because I knew I'd be wearing them over pants. I got the Fiorucci capris in Tokyo more than 20 years ago, very high-waisted. The Betsey Johnson coat was almost a bargain, purchased on a whim. I shall try to avoid such weakness in the future because the quality is not very good and I know I can do better thrifting....WHICH I DID! Today. Can't wait to show you my new nicotine-coloured coat, actually, she tastes more of champagne on figure skates. 

Surely I can throw some more metaphors and similes in this post. Help me out!

I'm linking this outfit with Anne's 52 Pick-me-up: Get Layered over at Spy Girl. 

Keep cool, whether it's hot or cold. But I don't have to tell you that, do I?

Queen of Post-Wit

Now for the details:

In the first photo, that wonderful sparkly hat was hand-knit by Thorne Garnet, sent to me as the winner of her draw quite a while ago, first posted here. The kitty sweater is a DIY first shown here. Some of the photos are stills from video clips, which is why they are not as crisp as I like, caught in motion. The video will have to wait.
News: Lots of fog here. That's all.

And you can vote for me for BEST CANADIAN FASHION BLOGGER?!, although I'm not the sort to write posts on must-have trends. Many of my favourite other Canadian women bloggers are entered too, so, as Ariane put it so well on her blog, Style Sud-Est, "Let's beat the young trendy nymphet!"

And if you still have an urge to click, Rosalind Jana of Clothes, Cameras, and Coffee is in an exciting competition as well, h.club100 for Innovators, Visionaries and Pioneers. You can vote for her here.

Not much writing today - the word well is dry. They'll come to me tomorrow no doubt. The day after I put up my previous rabbit post I was pissed off that I hadn't named it Bad Hare Day. Do you ever do that? Queen of Post-Wit. Have a great week all.

Is that a pistil in my corolla?

Springtime in the city. Clearly it was time for me and partner-in-crime Sandra of Lens is More to do a little style parkouring again, climbing, hiding, exploring...

Pics of me were taken by Sandra.

Details:

pearl-pink satin palazzo pants with rear zip, vintage new old stock, thrifted, $10

pastel floral chiffon peignoir, vintage, thrifted

neon orange sleeveless ruffle blouse, thrifted

white T-shirt, Gap, retail, customized by me

platform sandals, Steve Madden, thrifted

chain belt, thrifted

crazy socks, retail, I'll show you later

pink eyebrows, heh heh heh 

white hair, Angel at C:EHKO hair salon

 White hair, pink brows - although the hair looks a wee bit flat here.

When I got my hair whitened about seven months ago, I felt very badass. But look at me now - all flowers and spring and sweetness. "Oo, lovelies, a lavenderish heaven-sent breeze swept gentle kisses of chiffon wisps and big-honking-pant flaps around me until I was enveloped in a delicately throbbing cloud of 'Help! I can't see where I'm going. I can't walk in these feckers. Are we there yet?'...(me channeling Miz Bagg)." I was tremendously comforted knowing I had brought along backup flats and half a box of bandaids, neither of which were needed. I had planned to bring backup pants too in case of a palatial-sized palazzo-pant wardrobe malfunction, but forgot.

Playing in the rock garden. "Oh, Mighty Isis, I summon thee."

If Miz Bagg's wardrobe trailer had accompanied us today, I would have demanded that her cracked team of stylists steam these satin pants before the shoot. The palazzos looked good when I first put them on, but after coffee, a chocolate-chip cookie (home-baked by Sandra), and a satisfying chin wag at my favourite coffee shop, the crotchal area looked like a giant accordion, which recalls neither the genre nor rhapsody of music one would prefer there. 

Peaceful Rock Garden of Divine Meditation

(aka Boulders in Reeking Hideaway under Bridge)

This plain white Gap T-shirt had been kicking around my closet for many years, seldom worn. Then last night while watching Poirot I decided to rough it up a little with my Sharpie (permanent marker). The character is me, shrugging, standing in a pile of clothes. On the left it says bagandaberet and on the right, melanie. Now I love this piece, although I don't know if it will wash. Don't care. I should research fabric markers/paint because I like drawing on my clothes. Do you have any recommendations?

I also put a great photo of Sandra here on my street style blog today. Check out her wrap in gold "lammay" (the accent mark doesn't work and it definitely wasn't "lame"). I discovered it time-sealed in a treasure chest by a buddy of mine. If I cleaned it out for him I could keep what I liked - win-win.

Oh, look, it's Mighty Isis! 

And I wore the outfit below last week. This was my original outfit of choice for meeting Sheila (Ephemera) and L, which was nixed at the last minute by cold weather. Clicky heels on the boots, yeeah, that made me feel very badass, even though I hadn't had my hair bleached out yet. And I adore swinging that little granny bag around, it packs a whallop. 'Scuse me, 'scuse me - smack.

Details

sleeveless off-white groovy dress with rear zip, vintage, thrifted

sleeveless black sparkle catsuit, front zip with O-ring in back, thrifted

leopard print shrug with faux fur collar and cuffs, and pink satin lining, thrifted

voodoo pendant and ghost-on-a-swing pendant, gifts

ankle boots, retail long ago

heart bag, thrifted

granny bag, gift

gloves, Canadian Tire automotive store, decapped by me

wool beret, thrifted

I added the yellow faux fur and black fringe for length and voluptuousness. Hand sewing, ladies!

Sparkle, baby, sparkle.

I'm slightly disheveled in these photos - I had just returned from my inspiration walk and exertions with my granny bag. I usually snap my photos before I go out. This catsuit leaves a little trail of sequinny bits wherever I go. How romantic.

Sorry this post is so darned long. Blame it on my florified badass self. I hope you are all having a marvellous weekend full of chocolate and meat and/or vegetables and fruit, with refreshing beverages. Cheers. I'm linking for sure to Patti, She-Ra of Garden Parties, for Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style. I look forward to seeing you there. Get ready to polka!

Hat bigger than my head in fake Paris

When I've worn this outerwear in the past, I've felt like it's wearing me, not that I'm wearing it. But today...

I want to sweep through the lobby of the Hotel Georges-V Paris on my way to my suite, stopping briefly at the front desk with instructions to  "Do please hold all my calls and send up some caviar and cheesecake immediately" delivered in a low husky voice with heavily-accented English that startles me, not caring that my ruby red lipstick has bled into the heavily powdered spider lines around my mouth, nor that I don't even like caviar. With a dismissive yet graceful flourish of my gloved hand I disappear into the lift. Ah, Jacques, he understands my needs so well.

The coat - such velvety midnight madness, the hat and sunglasses hiding my identity like a mysterious aging screen star or a socialite who's had recent work done.

Would people even care that I'm wearing an old oversized coat turned inside out with a single new button sewn way off to the side near my neck to size it down and had the pockets ripped off? Or that this thrifted faux fur hat, as big or even bigger than my head, has a scarf stuffed in the crown to keep it from sliding down over my eyes? Or that the coat sleeves extend far beyond my pale fingertips? No! Rather - Non!

Did it matter that I had to dodge moneyseekers and spitters on the sidewalk and dodge puddle grunge on my way to the coffee shop? NON! Or that there were babies crying and businessmen talking too loud into the air when I got there? Um, okay, yeah, that really bugged me.

And then when I got home I worked.

Dreaming is free. If you can't dream it, it will never happen.

Where do your clothing dreams take you lately? 

"Ah, Jacques, do tell those autograph hounds to keep their distance. I'm not who they think I am. And lock the door on your way out...."

Details

• coat, inside out, several sizes too big, pockets removed with button added, old
• boots, retail, very forgiving of a persnickety toe
• oversized hat, thrifted
• scarf stuffed into hat, thrifted
• Chanel sunglasses darling, hand-me-over (not to be confused with "hand it over!!")
• camera, for sudden street style photography, but I can't find subjects these dark days

I tried to post this earlier but Blogger wouldn't let me put up my photo. I had to do a workaround.  

*When I say today I'm referring to last week. I have a different post for Patti's Visible Monday...

Teacup juggling, faux fur, and seagull feathers...

I have just trekked down from my secret monastic cave nestled in the majestic snowy peaks of the Himalayas, fortuitously guided by a flock of holy owls and flamingos. Calmly settled now in my more earthy digs in Vancouver,  I have been practising calligraphy (with seagull feathers) and teacup juggling, while roasting pink marshmallows on skewers gripped by my toes. This is what I wore on my travels.

Details

• acorn felt hat (also known as my Hershey's Kiss hat), vintage now but bought new in Kyoto
• oversized sleeveless patterned cotton vest, hand-me-over
• floaty emerald green apron skirt with pink embroidered flowers, thrifted
• black leather skirt, hand-me-over
• burgundy sparkly cotton top (top layer), hand-me-over
• long-sleeved white T (middle layer), retail
• black wool tunic (bottom layer for warmth, not visible), thrifted
• cableknit brown tights, retail
• black boots, retail 
• faux fur collar with wraparound red tie, made by me with $2 collar from fabric shop

Layers, layers, layers. I didn't want to wear a coat so I bulked up on my core warmth, and the collar is very toasty. I wanted to wear my Miu Miu boots with this ensemble, but I have a persnickety toe that whined most loudly when I approached my heels (too much marshmallow roasting perhaps).

Happy New Year, everyone!!! I'm joining Patti's Visible Monday over at Not Dead Yet Style at last. It's been a busy "holiday." Everyone looks fantastic and spirits are high. Hugs and eggnog. I always buy eggnog, have one glass and throw the rest away. Arg. Do you do that? Do you even LIKE eggnog?

And thanks for reading VOGOFF! Aren't those women gorgeous? I call them "dupermodels," more super duper than "supermodels." If you haven't seen it, have a peek. The next issue will be something completely different...

Go-go-sno boots

First:

A HUGE HUG to MIS PAPELICOS!!!

for putting me on her blog today. 

I will never shut up about your bug necklace - 

I LOOOVE it SO!!!

Today's outfit: Heavy flurrious snowflakes - time for the big guns - my go-go boots. Despite the heel, they have the most manly traction on slippery surfaces of any boots I own. And since this is probably one of the last snowfalls of the season (I hope) I had to wear my ultra-heavy winter coat and faux fur hat that makes it almost impossible to see anything.

The faux fur collar is out in force again today too, this time as outer wear. I needed an umbrella to keep my camera dry. Oh, so complicated!

Oh, those pesky lens flares - I try scrubbing and soaking and I still can't get them out!

Above is what I wore inside my coat. That's my hair - I don't think you've seen it before because I'm always wearing my beret.

Details of the outfit:

• inside-out faux fur coat - I like the pile lining outside and it seems warmer that way
• puff-sleeved, cropped cotton top from Tokyo, new (about 20 years ago)
• slate-grey, long-sleeved T-shirt under the top, Metallicus
• wool thrifted skirt made in France
• black tights, and pseudo-go-go boots from the "Loser" pile at Winners
• faux fur collar with home-made ties, as debuted in an earlier post

Below is a cartoon of me in my hat:

Happy weekend, everyone!

Has anyone seen my yurt?

I love this dress so much it deserves its own clothing category, and when I wear it I vibrate, which leads to all kinds of wonderful conversations with interesting people. This look brings to mind several misty images: 1) Isadora Duncan dancing, 2) standing in the wind on a vast grassy plain with an endless blue sky overhead - with straw and shaggy horses somewhere too, 3) Dior (?!).

Details:

• thrifted non-dress magnificence
• Miu Miu thrifted boots
• oversized black T over the non-dress
• faux fur collar I bought for $1.99 and added really, really long red fabric ties that took FOREVER to turn right-side out again
• brown wool cape and long-sleeved T under my dress

Of course I'm feeling visible on this Monday, and, thank you again, Patti, for your wonderful forum, Visible Monday, so I can share my happiness in this dress.

Such as drama queen!!

This pose is an homage to all the women (probably safe to say not men) who embroidered this piece.

The wool cape was necessary for toastiness.