New parts in Faux France

I woke up to discover that the part in my hair had changed sides during the night. How did this happen? What mysterious forces are at play?

Actually, I like my part on this new side - it's like a whole new Mel. Hooray! Not that I disliked the old one, but it's too bad that I can't wake up with a new firm neck. Maybe if I slept with my feet over my head that would work because I've tried every other position with failure. Sigh. I don't know how I managed this hair trick.

I am wondering if this sneaky hair shift is due to the movement of the North Pole - yes, it's a thing. Seriously, it's moving, which is totally off-putting. I can't count on the north being north? Canada has always promoted itself as True North, so now we are Off-kilter North? Faux North? Fact are not facts anymore?!! Nothing new there, I guess. Sigh.

Now, obviously, I have to check my hair whorl to see if it has also switched direction. Given that water swirls down the drain counter-clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere and clockwise in the Northern, it would be logical that hair whorls everywhere are also shifting madly with the movement of the Poles in a whorly-whirly-gig event.

My whorl goes clockwise - or is it counterclockwise? Gaaa, I've forgotten! Why don't we have bracelets with this vital information? Now I'll have to go digging through old photos to check, but I can't do that because I'll lose my appetite and it's almost time for nibblies.

Or maybe my part reversed because of all those earthquakes on the West Coast and the geographical shifting that happened. Sherry, Petite Over 40, of Seattle has said she's inching toward Vancouver. Whoa, free transportation! Again, hooray: reliable and inexpensive transport is vital for a thriving economy, I always say. And it will be great having Sherry as a neighbour for when I need to borrow baking supplies. ??!!

(Note to self: Check out border real estate to cash in on this phenomenon; not sure how shrinking land mass will work to my benefit yet though.)

I took these photos in Faux France, where everyone is attractive and happy and stylish and I speak fluent French, yet with a touch of an English accent to make me exotic and alluring - although I'm not sure it works that way. Speaking English with a French accent sounds so awesome to my ear but the other way...?

I stay at the Hotel George X (double better than the George V), where everything is fun and free. This morning, for example, I had breakfast with Javier Bardem and Colin Firth. Wow! Croissants with butter and blueberry jam, and avocados on the side, and wine of course. And there were loads and loads of flowers on the table, so many I couldn't even be sure if that was Javier and Colin over there; I just took an educated guess. I'm clever like that. Not a genius though, I admit.

Some people might mistake this location for Vancouver Art Gallery, the steps to nowhere because the doors at the top are permanently sealed. It is also malodorous there. I ask you: Why would I go there when I can skip through the streets of Faux France?

No matter what, the reality is the wind in my hair and this faboo outfit, all old, thrifted, energizing - man shoes, black jeans, an oversized top. The amazing neckpiece is from Anja, Curly Traveller, from a few years back. I love it!!

And that, my friends, is my day. I'll be hopping on the Concorde (the good kind that exists and doesn't malfunction) for New York in a few hours. Maybe we can have lunch at the Met? Wear a gown. Toodle-loo. Heh.

Hope you're all having a stellar time being your fabulous selves.

I'll link up to Patti and Catherine at Not Dead Yet Style and Not Dressed as Lamb for Visible Monday and #iwillwearwhatilike.  Yup.

New York and Arizona on a budget

OMG OMG - I'm in NEW YORK!!!
Yup, who made it to NYFW?

OMG OMG - I'm in ARIZONA!!! 

Yup, who made it to  
The 40+ Blogger Meetup in Phoenix,
hosted by Sherry of 
Petite over 40?

Puh, NOT ME and NOT ME!!

I'm so bummed that I missed yoga with goats, which hostess Sherry, in a stroke of genius, included on the itinerary in Phoenix. Diane of Fashion on the Fourth Floor demonstrates great goat yoga style in the photo below. Bwahahaha!

Diane of blog Fashion on the Fourth Floor.

Diane has more photos HERE on her Instagram. I figure I could get my partner O to stand on my back, even though he lacks the requisite cloven hoof. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't relieve himself or eat my clothes or hair while he's up there, but that's part of the excitement, isn't it? Not to mention the sound effects I'd be missing out on with a real goat. At home, I'd just be yelling, "Ow! Ow! Get off me!" O: "But you said..." M: "I don't CARE WHAT I SAID! This is one of my stupidest ideas ever!"

Yup. At the moment, what I cannot manage with world travel I compensate for with photo editing. The backgrounds are from copyright-free/non-attribution photo stock, which I normally avoid - I'd much rather USE MY OWN PHOTOS! which I take when I GO TO THESE PLACES in real 3D life. But this was a self-pity emergency.

So I've been feeling surly, rankled, perturbed, and cranky - which meant I had to do full-on Party Face this week two days in a row [see previous post on Party Face]. It's a recent record. Below, example of eyeliner Day One.

Yes, a classic Mel photo illustrating my black eyeliner and black satin corset, both of which are COMPLETELY obscured here. And as a sop for not being able to have a goat or O stand on my back, I have put a rhinoceros on my arm. I feel much better now. Bet you didn't get that in Arizona, did ya? Did ya? Bwahahaha!

Below, eyeliner Day Two, which includes cosmetic leftovers from Day One, so handy, but a bit messier because I was more pissed off. I wore my thrifted Armani suit to give the brand name an uncomfortable squeeze. I like the designer-with-gutter look a lot. On my lips is Kat Von D's "Poe" lipstick on top of YSL No. 208.

Wearing an outfit like this makes me walk like a predator, yes, for skulking around the grocery store, where I went shopping. But cripes, my cool stealth walk was hideously ruined by a useless broken shopping cart with whirly wheels which I had to drag across the floor. I wanted to shout: Look out! I'm heading to the dairy aisle now! It's only neighbourly to give advance warning, right? They saw my hair and eyeliner and hid in bulk foods.

In summary, in terms of clear, full-on outfit photos, this post is a big FAIL, except the first double exposures, which show the Day Two Armani suit with my vintage men's overcoat. To see the full corset outfit of Day One, sorry, you have to go to my Instagram. Really - my apologies. I get tired of seeing myself all the frickin' time.

But now? Today? As I write this I am a vision of serenity even without the goat. My hair too has gone all namasty. Really, I'm not a menace. And no shoppers were harmed in dairy. What a week! And about the blog title, "New York and Arizona on a budget," basically my advice is: don't go. How it pains me to say it. Breathe. Breathe. Find a goat...

I'm linking up to Patti @ Not Dead Yet Style, Visible Monday, and Catherine @ Not Dressed as Lamb, #iwillwearwhatilike.

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And a Huge Warm Welcome! to my new subscribers. So happy to see you!
I'll have to put on the kettle - or roll out the bar cart. Yes.