Scrub that banana and random thoughts

Often I get PR emails announcing that music artist X has just dropped a new single. My first thought on reading such a headline is, Oh no, be careful! Don't drop it! Then, why would you make a new single if you're just going to dump it so quickly? That's a bit like, hello-good-bye.

Sigh.

Photo representation of my thought process

The confusion lasts for only a microsecond so I don't feel too bad. It took me a while to figure out what cray cray meant too. (I once spelled it cra cra.)

Expensive diet, priceless cheese puff sculpture

Of course, what they really mean is they have introduced a new single. Drop means introduce. So it would be accurate to say that I've dropped a few pounds during the pandemic, right? In fact, it sort of softens the blow and rolls. 

You might even think, whoa, Mel, how did you possibly drop pounds with all your snacking? Especially with Baroness von Snakzalot inhabiting your other dimension (here & here). What's your secret?! I'd just wink and say, Eat more!!, and let you figure it out. But you've figured it out already because I've pre-emptively sabotaged the mystery, if there was any in the first place.

This is a video I made, Dinner Chez Mel, Isolation Style. I'm disappointed that I forgot to include the candelabra, which graces all my fine dining experiences. View it below or go HERE.

My gourmet dining experience during lockdown

I've been thinking lately - it's a habit I've taken up during the pandemic, dwelling on thoughts, dwelling in my dwelling. When this pandemic is over I'm going to do all these really great things. Woo hoo!! All of them, double hard, double downed, double troubled! Because my bad-assery is back-building (especially when I'm dropping weight). I'm gonna fly there and there and invite myself to stay at my friends' homes, your homes. Hallooo!! 

It's not a bucket list because buckets are often so, eeew, stinky and stained and plastic, housing plaster or fish or paint. And you can never rinse out the smell. No, this is my Champagne kegger list. A bit more dignified and with lots of room to fit everything in there with sparkle and a pop.

Vacuum therapy - reenactment - this never happened

I never actually pictured myself as someone having a Champagne kegger list, but the pandemic has brought about lots of significant changes. For example, it used to be that my partner O and I would argue about bananas. He always said I should wash them - the skins. Who does that?, I'd say. It gets rid of salmonella, he'd say. But I don't like washing them because it makes the skins all old looking. 

Now before I go on, let me be clear: I'm not ageist but I like a nice, firm, young-looking banana. Does that make me a bad person? Furthermore, if - and that's a big if - I were going to wash the bananas, it would be to get rid of all those tarantula eggs stuck on there because you know what happens if they make their way into your brain, right? (Although how they get there is cause for hours of horrific contemplation.) 

And now, in these strange days, O has won! Who knew it would take a pandemic to make us see eye-to-eye on bananas. That's bananas! Now we not only scrub the bananas but we scour all our fruit. And bread wrappers, and milk containers, anything that comes into our home. Suddenly spider eggs seem like cute and friendly homesteaders compared to those new invaders. And you don't even really know they're incubating or hatching, do you? DO YOU?! Forget coronavirus - we need a test for spider eggs!

To distract myself from such questions that vex, I've Netflixed myself into oblivion on more than one occasion, devouring series about time travel and ESP and zombies and murder. It's a bit like a marathon transworld flight. I'm reminded of my existence only when my auto-pilot hand goes into the snack-bag beside me and comes out empty, which sets off alarm bells that only a stretch and a refill will quiet. My mask drops down from the closet ready for an emergency evac, but these days I just order delivery. So pffft.

My hair also went much whiter in the front in the span of about a week. I didn't really notice until I noticed, know what I mean? It's those spiders in there playing with my hair-colour glands, I just know it. 

Sigh. Again.

I hope you are all well. Maybe we'll cross paths in the jetstreams of Netflix. Give us a little wave, will ya's? I'll do the same. And prepare your guest suites. Heh. I'll bring the Champagne. And we'll have a little party. Yeeeeah-ah!!! 

VOGOFF LOCKDOWN 2020 Magazine

It's here. The new VOGOFF.

LOCKDOWN Edition 2020

122 pages FREE!

SOLD OUT!!

My friend says: 

"It's like Vogue had a baby with Monty Python"

VOGOFF is 122 pages of the whimsy, wit, and weirdness of women of a certain age living under lockdown. Art, photos, articles - so much stuff and nonsense. 

Launched in 2012, VOGOFF is renowned for its highest standards of baselessness among discerning immature people (40+). 

LAUGH! - the Mayo Clinic says it's good for you.

Below is the pdf. <<Sorry, this is no longer available>>

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Special thanks to Sarah @farkingdelightful on Instagram for the work she did helping me get this together and to Shelley, Forest City Fashionista @fcfashionista, for her ongoing support of VOGOFF. And thanks to everyone who joined this time. You guys are awesome!

<<SORRY, SOLD OUT!!>>

Now you can also purchase a PRINT VERSION of this issue from the publisher, Blurb, who will ship it to you direct. It's $27.99 (Cdn) or about $21 US, plus shipping. This is the publisher's fee plus $1 for me to help with the next issue. I chose the best paper and cover so it feels deeeeluxe. Hahaha. 

Masculine-feminine style, wearing cartoons, and life as a stylist

What do you wear when you want to wear something masculine/feminine, high brow/low brow? You wear this. 

The main ingredients are my thrifted vintage Emporio Armani jacket, thrifted men's Diesel T-shirt (size Impossible with super-long sleeves), women's Bardot jeans from a sample sale, and men's thrifted narrow shoes.

The jacket, T, and shoes are all from My Sister's Closet (MSC), a social enterprise that funds Vancouver's Battered Women's Support Services. If you've got any good-condition cast-offs lying around, this is a good place to take them. And then go for a shop! (unpaid endorsement)

Of course, the most essential ingredients of this ensemble are my magic loupe and ring, which O made me. You can get them now too from his Etsy store, HERE. And naturally, I've thrown in my gold glitter ankle socks and favourite lipstick. I even wore my glasses because A) I love them, and B) the cool clip-ons make them so baaaad (say it like a sheep, should be shoop, heck, just say it like a goat).

But to add to the feminine side I did this, below.

I wore O's little leather pouch - I think it's designed for carrying gems!? Anyway, I swiped it. Hahaha. And I tied the strap around my neck with this feminine blue ribbon to secure it to my body. Without it, the pouch slides off, and wearing the pouch inside the jacket adds wretched bulk. Unacceptable! Plus, I adore this soft, colourful touch.

You can see all the magic elements there. And below, the whole damned thing. I walked down the sidewalk like an outlaw in a Western, ready to draw. Yes, I mean it - I had paper and my special pen with me, which also added a soft touch.

Carrying on with this dissection theme, we have my J.Lo workout jumpsuit in black velour. As if I'm going to work out ... Hahaha. I posted it on Instagram before, when it was oh-so-lonely, just plain 'ole black velour. But as you can see, the mystical melanization process has brought it to life, much like how Dr. Frankenstein reanimated bodies, except this cartoon doesn't have someone else's criminal brain, I'm pretty sure.

Yep, now it's a fun velvet painting. Keep on truckin'. It still may not make me want to work out, but it makes me want to have a good time, which is why I went to the alley. (No, you perves, I don't mean that kind of good time. Get your mind out of the gutter - unless that's where you do your best creative work too.)

See? This new, improved jumpsuit made me jump! Just a little. Just for a few ten-shot photo bursts. But I did some videoing in this outfit with my fabulous dotted cart, with lots of running and Flintstones twinkle-toeing, like here, well, as much as I could in platform runners. The men unloading the beer truck blocking the alley probably thought the lab switched the brains.

The extra bits below. Humongous sunglasses, an absolute must, and my platform runners, which I bought in a moment of weakness (or strength of will?) super-duper sale retail. I loove these shoes. They scuff easily though. And of course, my magic ring is there and my magic loupe.

See? With these little style vignettes, this is just like a REAL style blog now. Pffft. Kiss my cartoon!


And next, who do we have here? Why, this is Vivian! She was my personal styling/closet-rooting-around client. I had to share photos of her; we had such a good time. First, we went through her closet, and after, we went on a field trip to the store. It was a two-day thing.

Below, the Before photo from shopping. It's hard to believe we could "up" this starting point, but we certainly zigged and zagged and got her lots of new, fun, and lasting pieces for her wardrobe.

You know how there is that popular style guide called Dressing Your Truth? Well, my version is more Dressing Your Dare. Vivian showed how it's done. Shoes! Scarves! Dresses! Coats! Bring it on!!

Nah, she didn't buy the stole, we're waiting for the Bigger Sale. Hahaha! But she was game. And check out that lime green and burgundy wine designer dress behind her. Yes! No. She didn't get that either. The super-long pointy collar was impale-worthy. But it was a time of exploration, functional play I call it, taking stock and restocking. There are more photos of Vivian on her Instagram, HERE.

I got permission from Vivian to post these photos, so don't go sweating all over yourself if you've gone all gaspy. Seriously, we had lots of fun and got lots done.

If you're in the Vancouver area and feel ready for a little Frankening of your own, contact me through the email on this blog or via my Instagram. I haven't done it by video yet, but probably we could work something out. Maybe.

That's all for this week, my little shoops, meese. (Goose, geese, right? That's how it's supposed to work.) Not that I think any of you are mutton! Or mooses! No! Okay, clearly, it's time to sign off for this week. Heh.

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I'll link up to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style, Visible Monday. Yeah - refill the punch bowl, I'm bringing my Super Big Gulp cup!* And I'll link up to Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb, #iwillwearwhatilike.

Have a good one, everyone. You figure out what that "one" is. Have a good multiple. !!! Okay, it's really time to go.

Thanks for visiting. My appreciation is unbounded. Too bad I ran out of cheese nippy hors d'oeuvres to feed you.

*Super Big Gulp is the SUPER HUUUGE drink size you can buy at 7-Eleven convenience store, 1.3 L/44 US oz. Who? Who buys this size? There's even an X-treme Gulp - 1.56 L. 

Dots and shoe weirdness with Sheila

First up, another photo from the AARP article (HERE), which I posted about last time. I love this combo - my Emporio Armani suit jacket, vintage pants formerly owned by Mr. Sanchez according to the monogram on the inner waistband, vintage Pierre Cardin tie from our former building manager, polka-dot blouse from Talize Delta thrift store, and brown tie boots. NEXT!

The shrubbery behind me spells out NOSH. It's a restaurant patio.

Last weekend I met up with Sheila of sheilaephemera and her partner L when they came to town to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. L better watch out - that's some embrace Sheila and I are locked in. Hahaha!

And when they come to town that can mean only one thing, well, two: booze for breakfast (lunch for them) and a pilgrimage to Fluevog's flagship shoe store. I had a tiny beer for the first time in decades, a dark one. It tasted, hm, woodsy, like mulch and moss in a dark green forest, like a musky critter in a cozy burrow, in a good way. These two are corrupting me. Thank you. Sacriligiously, they ventured into this Brown's shoe store. I can almost hear Sheila whimper with desire for those booties, but she made up for it later at Fluevog.

And we filmed a little video. When I think of these two, I can't help but think of shoes, which inspired me to think of this story. An expert and enthusiastic cast and crew cut months off our shooting schedule. L took on camera duties, at which he excelled, and method acting and props took care of the rest.

Despite the depiction of shoenivores, no shoes were harmed during the making of this video. I was harmed when I had to take home all the leftover licorice. Heh.

After we finished filming, we stumbled across a mini shoe gallery in the middle of the sidewalk. What are the odds? Nobody was watching over them. There was no signage, e.g., Scratch & Sniff, Rate My Treads or Shoe Jenga Challenge. Nothing. It wasn't like stuff had been heaved from a condo window after an angry break-up - these were artfully arranged. Weird, right? 

Also weird are those two people on the sidewalk wearing bee-keeper masks. Where's David Lynch?!

We also veered into Used House of Vintage. The 50% off sale that was on two weekends ago is mostly off now, so that put a damper on my enthusiasm. Of course we had to try on sunglasses. I try on these same sunglasses every time I go. When am I finally going to BUY them?! I love this photo of me and Sheila - Insects from Planet 9.

We had a great time together, as usual: filming, then brunch at Forage (where we had our big blogger meetup brunch), then more filming and some shopping before I had to get home. Sheila did an amazing writeup of their Vancouver adventure on her blog, HERE, with lots more photos. I always love her weekend roundups. I also posted their photo on my street style blog, HERE.

Don't forget, L has a blog too - Creative Maestrom, CD and concert reviews for the musically attuned and a Cole's Notes for the rest of us. He's a gifted writer to be sure.

I wore my drop-crotch jeans, made in Italy, with my purple Mozart jacket for our meetup and again a couple of days later. They are undeniably my new favourite pants, purchased for a bargain at My Sister's Closet. Several sizes too large, they are record-breakingly hipslung without showing rear cleavage, and I can still achieve mobility without waddling. Score!

Below, without the coat and positioned vertically. I absolutely wanted to dress like I had just rolled out of bed; I think I got an A+ on that. These pants, I can hike them belted, like I did during the meetup, or wear them hipslung slouchy, which demonstrates the style versatility thrift shopping opens up for me. In a retail store, I would never consider three sizes too big - I'd head straight for my size on the racks, when in fact the hugeness of these pants gives me far more creative freedom.

I can see from the photo above that I need some black riding boots, a helmet, crop, and an estate in England, or, black riding boots, a newsboy cap, megaphone, director's chair, and Hollywood mansion to take this look to the next level. But nunh, rumpled in the concrete studio is a look unto itself.

And below, the polka-dot blouse and Sanchez pants close up. The dots are a vivid baby blue on a brown background, but the inner collar is lime green with blue dots.

That's all for this week. I'll link to Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style when the time comes. And I've also linked up to Catherine, #iwillwearwhatilike, at Not Dressed as Lamb.

I hope you are all keeping your cool, no matter what your weather is. Finally, some sunshine is here - I can't believe it. Hugs to all.

What do you think those shoes were doing there?!

New York and Arizona on a budget

OMG OMG - I'm in NEW YORK!!!
Yup, who made it to NYFW?

OMG OMG - I'm in ARIZONA!!! 

Yup, who made it to  
The 40+ Blogger Meetup in Phoenix,
hosted by Sherry of 
Petite over 40?

Puh, NOT ME and NOT ME!!

I'm so bummed that I missed yoga with goats, which hostess Sherry, in a stroke of genius, included on the itinerary in Phoenix. Diane of Fashion on the Fourth Floor demonstrates great goat yoga style in the photo below. Bwahahaha!

Diane of blog Fashion on the Fourth Floor.

Diane has more photos HERE on her Instagram. I figure I could get my partner O to stand on my back, even though he lacks the requisite cloven hoof. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't relieve himself or eat my clothes or hair while he's up there, but that's part of the excitement, isn't it? Not to mention the sound effects I'd be missing out on with a real goat. At home, I'd just be yelling, "Ow! Ow! Get off me!" O: "But you said..." M: "I don't CARE WHAT I SAID! This is one of my stupidest ideas ever!"

Yup. At the moment, what I cannot manage with world travel I compensate for with photo editing. The backgrounds are from copyright-free/non-attribution photo stock, which I normally avoid - I'd much rather USE MY OWN PHOTOS! which I take when I GO TO THESE PLACES in real 3D life. But this was a self-pity emergency.

So I've been feeling surly, rankled, perturbed, and cranky - which meant I had to do full-on Party Face this week two days in a row [see previous post on Party Face]. It's a recent record. Below, example of eyeliner Day One.

Yes, a classic Mel photo illustrating my black eyeliner and black satin corset, both of which are COMPLETELY obscured here. And as a sop for not being able to have a goat or O stand on my back, I have put a rhinoceros on my arm. I feel much better now. Bet you didn't get that in Arizona, did ya? Did ya? Bwahahaha!

Below, eyeliner Day Two, which includes cosmetic leftovers from Day One, so handy, but a bit messier because I was more pissed off. I wore my thrifted Armani suit to give the brand name an uncomfortable squeeze. I like the designer-with-gutter look a lot. On my lips is Kat Von D's "Poe" lipstick on top of YSL No. 208.

Wearing an outfit like this makes me walk like a predator, yes, for skulking around the grocery store, where I went shopping. But cripes, my cool stealth walk was hideously ruined by a useless broken shopping cart with whirly wheels which I had to drag across the floor. I wanted to shout: Look out! I'm heading to the dairy aisle now! It's only neighbourly to give advance warning, right? They saw my hair and eyeliner and hid in bulk foods.

In summary, in terms of clear, full-on outfit photos, this post is a big FAIL, except the first double exposures, which show the Day Two Armani suit with my vintage men's overcoat. To see the full corset outfit of Day One, sorry, you have to go to my Instagram. Really - my apologies. I get tired of seeing myself all the frickin' time.

But now? Today? As I write this I am a vision of serenity even without the goat. My hair too has gone all namasty. Really, I'm not a menace. And no shoppers were harmed in dairy. What a week! And about the blog title, "New York and Arizona on a budget," basically my advice is: don't go. How it pains me to say it. Breathe. Breathe. Find a goat...

I'm linking up to Patti @ Not Dead Yet Style, Visible Monday, and Catherine @ Not Dressed as Lamb, #iwillwearwhatilike.

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And a Huge Warm Welcome! to my new subscribers. So happy to see you!
I'll have to put on the kettle - or roll out the bar cart. Yes. 

Good posture and bog facials

I'm not 20 anymore. It comes as quite a shock! 

How do I know this? Because today when I was walking across the city in these D&G heels, lugging two huge, stuffed-full, blue Ikea bags, one on each shoulder, I had to stop for a snack. Of course I often stop for a snack (I keep telling myself that my pants feel tighter because the laundry water is getting hotter and hotter), this time I wanted a rest as much or more than a snack.

Oh, but nature, she is not too cruel. She has gifted us with the diminishing ability to see things close-up as we age, which I'm convinced is to protect us from passing out from shock when we get up in the middle of the night and see our wrinkles in full definition in the mirror before we are fully awake.

There's not much I can do about the wrinkles part; that's okay. The annoying Top Blog recommends that I invest in a facialist. But they also recommend that I start slathering bee pollen all over my face at night. Do you know what that is?

Bees go out, stick gobs of pollen to their legs, fly it back home, and then head-butt it into little cells, mixing it with bee spit and nectar. Their family eats it, like bee porridge I suppose. Oh yes, I can see how that would be good for my face(?), and imagine all those poor hungry bees. No thank you. There are other foods that are good on my face, like chocolate pudding.

Just a cotton robe and pants with a silk blouse but I feel like an empress. I could be saying, "Did you wash your neck?"
O says that you are told to wash your neck in Japan before they cut off your head. Niiice. 

So why is it we think things that we eat are necessarily good to slop on our face? - coconut, honey, tea, yogurt, coffee, avocado, turmeric, berries. Why not just have breakfast in the tropics instead? I'm sure that would be good for my face. Then there's algae. And mud. Why don't we just all go swim in a bog? Mark my words, that will be the next big trend: "Romantic night-time Swim-with-the-Beavers bog facial tours!!"

On the issue of aging, one thing I that I think makes us look older is poor posture. I have three stellar tips in that department, none of that trendy, screamy, spandexed "STRENGTHEN YOUR CORE!" stuff.

Three Tips for Good Posture

1.  If your boss asks you to kiss his/her ass, ask him/her to please step up on a chair so you can avoid bending over. Or refuse for therapeutic reasons. I guarantee, if you refuse, you will walk taller, especially if you're trying to stand out in the unemployment line. 

2. Brush the chips off your shoulders, lighten the load. Put that cross you bear in the closet while you're at it. They ruin a good outfit and shoulder pads are passé.

3. Finally, if you have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, for goodness sake, get rid of the angel! You'll have half the burden and twice the fun. This state may be achieved more quickly if you put your cross in the closet.

I'm wearing jewel tones, but where are the frickin' jewels? How does one make the leap from fabric to mineral? Tell me. Tell me that!

Seriously, I'm trying to work on improving my posture. While I brush my teeth, I stand up straight with my back and shoulders against the wall. It's easy (bonus) and has become a habit. Now I can copy that feeling when I go out without worrying that I'm holding my shoulders back at a freakish angle - it's supposed to feel like that.

The noodle walk above does not show the results of my self-improvement efforts to best effect. But it does show this fabulous robe outfit - no wonder I deluded myself into thinking I'm 20. Shelley of Forest City Fashionista gave me this robe a while back; this is its first outing. In today's breeze I got maximum benefit of its swooshy awesomeness.

Purple and green pattern cotton maxi robe from Shelley, thrifted Hilfiger cotton green paisley pants, vintage Prussian blue silk blouse, old thrifted D&G shoes, magic loupe from O, and an empty parking lot - it was a good day, even though I'm not 20. In fact, I'm glad I'm not 20, very glad. I'm wiser and way more mature, heck yeah.

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I'll be linking this up to Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb for #iwillwearwhatilike. Patti of Not Dead Yet Style is on holiday or I'd link up to her too. I can't wait to read about her adventures in Canada! [Edit: Yes, I'm wearing wine too, which is the theme for Anne at SpyGirl, 52 Pick-me-up. I thought it was still neutrals, which this is not. I lift a glass. I'm linking!]

Have a great week, everyone! What's your favourite food to put on your face?

Also, thank you to Brigitte Woman magazine's online site in Germany for featuring me in their article Style icons over 50 - we learn from them. I'm listed as the Eccentric I think - the translation says Exzentrikerin. That's me. Thank you!

Getting fizzy wrapped in PET bottles

Oh, the sweet ecstasy of well-resurrected garbage.

This dress is comprised of PET bottles, textile waste and/or other organic materials. It debuted in H&M's first sustainable line, the Garden Collection, in 2010. I found it at the thrift shop for $5, repeating the trash-to-treasure cycle yet again, recycling at its best. I call it the garbage that keeps on giving.

The dress is so feminine it cried out for a little edge - after all, it's been around the block a time or two, despite its excellent condition, like myself, heh - so I added a black scarf choker, black tights, Steve Madden combat boots, a satin obi belt, and an essential bouquet holster from a big old belt, which also made me feel a bit like a little VW bug with a vase on my  dashboard.

Wouldn't you agree that a bouquet creates a friendlier image in a holster than a gun? "Halt or I'll kill you with kindness!" - or face-slap you with flowers, which would in fact hurt. The plastic is hard and wretched. I bit the stems, like one of those women who bites stems and makes it look sexy, and kind of gagged. Another flower defense would be to hold them like garlic or a cross, as above, to keep away vampires.

And the rear view of the garment. You can see the little sparklies on my scarf choker and the obi ties, as well as the massive kimono-inspired sleeves. I couldn't believe this dress was on the $5 rack! My hair at the back is not as grey as the front. I call the shade souris (su'-ri, French for mouse, which sounds better than rodent).

Note how I've hooked my thumb conveniently in the bouquet holster. Clearly it's a multipurpose accessory, like a pocket that doesn't hold a damned thing.

The bottom half of the necklace is from H&M and the top half chain from Tokyu Hands craft supply store in Tokyo. The flower pin  (used for modesty) was a gift made by Suzanne Carillo for the +40 Blogger Meetup last summer in Vancouver, and the earrings were thrifted.

Putting things in perspective - mulched flower in a concrete jungle.

I'll be linking this to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for Visible Monday, Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb for #iwillwearwhatilike, and Anne at SpyGirl for 52 Pick-me-up: Silver/Confusion/Clarity (my necklace).

And this last photo is my favourite of the day. The air exhaust system that vents into the alley kicked into major effect after the delivery trucks had all left, leaving me free to play in the stale air. I'm glad I wore a slip because the wind often blew the dress up to my dashboard! Too bad this dress isn't scratch 'n' sniff to freshen things up, but then it would probably smell like Coca Cola and I'd just start to fizz.

Yup, I felt like a million bucks in this outfit. Right after buying it I found out about the H&M/Bloglovin' "Breakthrough Fashion Blogger of the Year" Contest which required styling an H&M piece. The winner gets to be mentored by Man Repeller Leandra Medine for a year. I linked my Instagram photo of this outfit to the contest and this post as well.

I just looked at some of the other entries - oh, why did I do that?! Serious twenty-somethings wearing pressed neutral outfits professionally photographed, compared to my lightweight photographer, Tripod, a remote I call Dick, and my middle-aged-tween antics in piss alley.

Well, if I don't enter I definitely lose, and I must remember: comparison is the thief of joy. I had a blast doing this shoot with this stellar dress and would have done it regardless of any contest. Why? Because -

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You can't keep good garbage down!
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Recycling and feeling fabulous, how cool is that? I hope more big fashion retailers and manufacturers get on board that sustainability train and make good on their promises. Have you worn any good garbage lately? Do tell. Do they even make scratch 'n' sniff clothing?

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Thanks for joining me all you new followers! And thank you to Jessica at Warning: Curves Ahead 24 Things Women Over 30 Should Wear for linking to my post with Shelley's awesome photo here, which has turned into a too-good-to-be-true ending to her stellar visit to Vancouver, 2.5 million views and counting. Bwhahaha! Hurrah for freedom of choice !!

Shelley's post on our get-together is HERE.

My VOGOFF magazine guidelines page is almost ready. Can you believe it's taken me this long? Don't answer that! Heh.

Hickory dickory schlock and the crooked hat

THE CROOKED HAT

This is for Judith's Hat Attack 31 linkup at Style Crone, my crooked hat. 

There was a cooked hat perched on a crooked head, 

It stopped the crooked rain with its lime and crooked reds, 

It shielded crooked eyes from crooked evil sights  

And when it got back home it cried, "Take me to New York!"

HICKORY DICKORY SCHLOCK

Hickory Dictory Schlock

Your mouse hued up her frock

The image froze

And wrecked my pose

Hickory Dickory Schlock

I'd been fermenting his mouseover idea for at least 24 hours, and although this resultant draft is not yet 100 proof, it's palatable with drunken overtones of Ghost/Muppet/Meanie and bits of pickle - anything to take the edge off and quench my self-defecating sense of humour. Moving right along...

Note: If you roll your mouse - or whatever else you use - across the above photo, the image should change, hence "mouseover," also known as "rollover." If it doesn't work, clearly you need to upgrade to an older device or drink more of my special brew.

I dressed to match my hair - too lazy to push the hair dryer ON switch. And too lazy to change for my morning walk - this is what I often wear at home.

After I saw my photos, I quickly realized I look exactly like Turnip Head, so I put her in there too. She is also a happy nursery-rhymie yet cynical creature.

I'm wearing a ghastly oversized men's shirt, thrifted, purchased when I was delusional thinking I would upcycle it. Pfff. It's so stiff it makes a crinkling sound. Soft cotton patchwork drawstring pants, oversized long-sleeve orange T-shirt, and reading glasses over my regular glasses with clip-on shades. Holy hot harridan!

And, just when you thought you'd made it to the end of the post, no!! Another few seconds of creepy vexation.

THE BIG FINISH

I made this tiny video message at the end of December. I wasn't going to show you, but why not? I suppose this is to celebrate Chinese New Year, February 8, heh. She is scary cool.

I've found a new favourite British sitcom on Netflix, Black Books, which ran from 2000 to 2004. I use it to de/retox at the end of my work-filled days and get trippy dreams. Watch it! Well, if you want to.

I'm of course linking to Patti at Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style, and
Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike, Not Dressed as Lamb, and
Anne at 52 Pick-me-up: Ink Blue at SpyGirl.
Including Judith's Hat Attack, there nothing like hitting FOUR big parties on Monday morning to kick off the week. I hope I see you there. I'll be the one staggering into the bushes.

My silent movie

Where's my classic Rolls Royce? I feel like a '20s film star in this get-up. Well, it's not actually a get-up; it's a get-it-on, get-down, get-with-it, get-goin', gettin'-real kind of outfit, not a costume, even though everything we put on lends us character. 

Fashion rule: It is perilous to wear a large magnifying glass pendant on a sunny day because
it may burn a hole in one's torso, which is never an attractive fashion statement. With winter sun I stayed intact.

If I were a Hollywood star, in this outfit I'd definitely have been photographed in, say, New York, as I'm dressed far too warmly for Beverly Hills. I'm wearing my thrifted midi length made-in-France wool knit turtleneck dress, which features a hood and gold lurex thread decorative seaming, and my impossibly amazing faux fur maxi coat, which I bought on consignment. If I was really a star, those yellow diamonds wouldn't be from a thrift pile in East Vancouver either.

My imaginary agent, director, manager, and publicist would probably all be screaming at me that I'm getting a bit long in tooth for my imaginary profession, in which case I'd have to tell them to feck off and then build my own studio empire and distribution network where all female actors, whose falling "fuckability" quotients (from ruling misogynist eyes) have kicked them out of the system, will find a new lucrative home. Woe betide those who underestimate women's power of the grey - that's something real.

I have no script; I'm better when I improvise. Or maybe I just haven't stumbled across the right script yet. Clearly, not having a script at all doesn't give me much chance of finding a good or a bad one. Nunh. But one outfit certainly brings up lots of ideas and dreams which I scrawl down here maybe a day or hours before I post.

And...

MY SILENT MOVIE: 

BAG AND A BERET CHECKS HER BLOG READING LIST

I have made a little Silent Movie that shows me reading the blogs I follow, which I had been thinking about for a while. Sooo much ended up on the cutting room floor. Heheheh. I just wish it wasn't such a pain to remove the makeup. I hope you enjoy this.

No ears or fingers were harmed in the making of my video. And don't worry - I used an old computer. I use a big trough, designed for animals long in tooth, while I'm browsing on my regular machine. Below is a still taken from the video with shadow added around the edges. It fits my mood. 

With this windswept-style hair I often feel like I'm in a commercial selling high-end stereo equipment. Very empowering, but who buys stereos any more? Which consumer products do you feel like you're selling with your hair style?

That's all from here. I'll link something up with Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for Visible Monday and with Catherine at Not Dressed at Lamb for #iwillwearwhatilike when they go live. These linkups are great motivators for me to organize myself at least once a week. Thank you, Patti and Catherine!