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Sunday 17 January 2016

My silent movie

Melanie Kobayashi, Bag and a Beret, lots of necklaces

Where's my classic Rolls Royce? I feel like a '20s film star in this get-up. Well, it's not actually a get-up; it's a get-it-on, get-down, get-with-it, get-goin', gettin'-real kind of outfit, not a costume, even though everything we put on lends us character. 

Mel Kobayashi, Bag and a Beret, large magnifying glass pendant
Fashion rule: It is perilous to wear a large magnifying glass pendant on a sunny day because
it may burn a hole in one's torso, which is never an attractive fashion statement. With winter sun I stayed intact.
If I were a Hollywood star, in this outfit I'd definitely have been photographed in, say, New York, as I'm dressed far too warmly for Beverly Hills. I'm wearing my thrifted midi length made-in-France wool knit turtleneck dress, which features a hood and gold lurex thread decorative seaming, and my impossibly amazing faux fur maxi coat, which I bought on consignment. If I was really a star, those yellow diamonds wouldn't be from a thrift pile in East Vancouver either.

My imaginary agent, director, manager, and publicist would probably all be screaming at me that I'm getting a bit long in tooth for my imaginary profession, in which case I'd have to tell them to feck off and then build my own studio empire and distribution network where all female actors, whose falling "fuckability" quotients (from ruling misogynist eyes) have kicked them out of the system, will find a new lucrative home. Woe betide those who underestimate women's power of the grey - that's something real.

Mel Kobayashi, thwarted silent screen schtar, Bag and a Beret

I have no script; I'm better when I improvise. Or maybe I just haven't stumbled across the right script yet. Clearly, not having a script at all doesn't give me much chance of finding a good or a bad one. Nunh. But one outfit certainly brings up lots of ideas and dreams which I scrawl down here maybe a day or hours before I post.


I have made a little Silent Movie that shows me reading the blogs I follow, which I had been thinking about for a while. Sooo much ended up on the cutting room floor. Heheheh. I just wish it wasn't such a pain to remove the makeup. I hope you enjoy this.

No ears or fingers were harmed in the making of my video. And don't worry - I used an old computer. I use a big trough, designed for animals long in tooth, while I'm browsing on my regular machine. Below is a still taken from the video with shadow added around the edges. It fits my mood. 

Melanie Kobayashi, still from YouTube video I made, Bag and a Beret

With this windswept-style hair I often feel like I'm in a commercial selling high-end stereo equipment. Very empowering, but who buys stereos any more? Which consumer products do you feel like you're selling with your hair style?

That's all from here. I'll link something up with Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for Visible Monday and with Catherine at Not Dressed at Lamb for #iwillwearwhatilike when they go live. These linkups are great motivators for me to organize myself at least once a week. Thank you, Patti and Catherine!


  1. ooo, I luv you with your chain gang, baby. And that silent bloggin' chix flix. Now whose sox do you luv?! Help, I'm a robot!

  2. ha, ha, 'you're 103rd pose is your best' - cracked me up!
    I don't think you need an entourage. Your personality is big enough especially in those awesome coloured boots that get to appreciate in full technicolour.
    And only you could rock so much jewellery and say intact!

    PS I am not a robot. I have earwax - I ain't giving blood!

  3. Those earrings look like part of your hairstyle in black and white without my glasses on, which is how I'm reading your post this morning in bed!
    So haughty in that last pose!
    You have the best ideas :-)
    Xo Jazzy Jack

  4. Ha!! I knew you would be a great silent film star! You are such an inspiration my friend.

  5. I love your jewelry so much.

  6. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

    This is one of my favourite movies of yours! I'm going to watch it again.

    The outfit of course is so Hollywood. I saw a furry jacket at Winners today and thought of you. It was by Tory Birch I think but looked so similar to your furry coats. I *almost* tried it on, but it was greige, not one of my best colours.

    I love all the Mr. T neck embellishments.

    You look like a rock star!


  7. Prove you're not a robot ... hmm I don't think I have to prove anything darling - much less prove it by typing house numbers or selecting the pictures that feature salad or pizza. Really.

    Your ensemble looks very dashing and scores highly in regard to couldn'tgiveafuckability quotients - and I dare say you would slay any misogynist and set fire to his casting couch, so there.


  8. Hello Melanie:
    Those earrings looks like hair extensions. Oh and I never knew until recently that there are different types of ear wax, depending on what race you are.
    You are fabulous! More movies more movies more movies!! xox

  9. You always have been and always will be a STAH, darling! (air kiss air kiss). Have your people call my people. Seriously fabulous coat!

    My hairstyle is definitely made for selling antiquities illegally gleaned while free diving off the coast of Greece.

  10. You are just gorgeous in those photos, waiting for your limo and entourage - so stately and gracious. A young chick could never look so elegant. And I love your socks. Or I'm sure I would if I could see them.

    As usual, your film is magnificent and hilarious! What kind of chips? They look yummy.

  11. Yes. The hair. Selling stereo equipment or maybe high end fans?
    Sadly, all that I feel I can sell with my hair is the odd wheelbarrow of bark mulch...

  12. omg you funny funny girl! You're film is BEAUTIFUL and hilarious. I had to watch a few times. I am a slooooow reader. Plus you're film noir world rocks- who wouldn't want to spend extra time there? Love. xx

  13. BTw the chipmunk country blues thingy has made me split my sides!!

  14. Hahahahahahahahaha...

    OMG, the silent movie had me laughing out loud...G knows by now when I'm watching a Melanie movie. Like Jen says, it's both beautiful and hilarious. And why bother removing your makeup before bed. Just add more tomorrow!

    Hope to see you soon!

  15. You better hurry to get older so that you will be publiced in Advanced Style, or do you work for any magazine? I get that you have many readers, but I would like to see at least a documentary about you. Can I demand someone?

  16. Just hilarious! I love the outfit and the silent movie is just wonderful. Some of the blog posts I read have caused eye rolls so big my eyeballs have nearly got stuck facing backwards! But most of it is serious, funny, unmissable stuff.
    And a hot bed of intelligent women overthinking the bajeezuz out of everything!
    As for makeup removal, may I suggest coconut oil? Two hours it takes to get my Constance face on, but a small lump of coconut oil melted in my hands rubbed all over my face and wiped off with muslin cloth then a warm, damp flannel. Less than a minute - it's like making croquembouche or something else equally showy-offy. Hours to make it and it gets polished off in five minutes. Pfffft.

  17. Loved the 345th frame in the film, and Ooooh! I adore your socks (ah, can't see your socks in the film… Well, i'm imagining them - they're simply lovely and I must get my hands on a pair just like them). I'm not a robot.

  18. I am NOT a robot! Does a robot get gray hairs *everywhere*?? OMG, your film is brilliant and oscar worthy - no coincidence it's that time of year. Thank you for being there - wish you were here, xox


  19. oh mel! how do you do this? looking glamorous while making the idea of commenting blogs with your facial expression!!!! how do you look while reading mine? want i really know? ;-)
    can i work for you gray hair empire???
    love! <3 xxxxxx

  20. Can I be in your movie?

    I loved your video of you reading your blogs - hilarious! (Or as my daughter and her friends say - hilaire) The outfit was fabulous


  21. 103rd pose is the best, mwa ha ha!!!
    Yesssss, self-cremation via poorly timed and positioned jewellery would be a seriously nasty and unfortunate way to go. Please remove the necklace in the summer!!!Xx

  22. I Sqeeealed at your delicious furry coat (and SERIOUS bling) photograph. With your boots matching the roof, and you looking moody and generally kick-ass!
    And, that was all one gigantic, rambling sentence which I went back to edit! :oD

  23. You're deliciously bonkers, you know! The full length shaggy faux fur and piled-on bling are fabulously funky, but it's the hair and make-up that I love most. Sue's right - why bother taking it off, just keep adding more.
    Hmm, I don't think my hair would sell anything - most days, it feels like a cheap wig. So I guess it could sell those then! xxx

  24. To cool! I especially love the B&W-Love the chain pile.

  25. HA! I love your silent film - you missed your calling. Theda Bara, look out!

  26. I love your movie star look, but it is far better than any movie star look I have ever seen. So this makes you Mega!! Always enjoy your movies, and the silent one takes the cake baby!! You are a STAR, I will watch out for you tonight in the sky.

  27. It's always such a treat when you intersperse your post with a movie. This Charlie Chaplinesque routine was hilarious, laugh out loud magic - the perfect anitdote to our bleak, rainy day British weather - classic.
    And OMG how I love that fur coat. You seem to have such luck finding these wonderful furry layers in all shapes and lengths.
    Thank you for making me laugh, again x

    Anna's Island Style

  28. Which product would I be selling with my hair? Vacuum cleaners.... pfff. Such a housewife hair.
    I enjoyed your video haha and was praying you didn't look irritated or bored because of reading mine. And don't ever let me catch you lying to me, flatter me or such nonsense. Always be honest.
    Now the outfit: You look like royalty or indeed a movie star. Such a shame I cannot see the dress properly. But.. the boots, jewellery (did you do an Iris Apfel? If you did, you succeeded), the coat... all great. And you taught me another word: perilous. I now know what it means (a risk, dangerous). Whether I will remember with my old brain... I doubt it.

  29. First of all, I love your glam outfit! A modern intepretation of the jazz age and...a fabulous one!!!! you look great!!!!!!!!!

    Secondly, that video is fantastic. You're so adorable! You do those dramatic 'silent movie star' expressions so well!!!!...and blood will do:) lol

    What am I selling with my, my hairstyle isn't very probably I'm selling something boring, like the thing we use to clean the washing maching, sth of the kind!

  30. Melanie, you really are a star. I am in awe of your furry coat collection and this one is no exception.So enjoyed your silent movie.
    Pity the dark eyes were so hard to remove, they look amazing.

  31. I always enjoy your editorial sense of fashion. It's so liberating, seeing you wearing whatever the hell you please - and you make it all look like high art!

    I don't know what I'm selling, but I think they're starting to buy it.


  32. Oh, Mel, this is your best movie ever! So funny!

    Can you please find me some maxi-mega-cool-furry-coats and vests, please????

    We have so much in common, since I'm NOT A ROBOT too, you know?!

  33. Dear,you are a Scott Joplin dream ! I would like to see a movie with Beethoven or ....somebody you like. :)

  34. In summation, I want to be you when I grow up.

  35. This is brilliant brilliance. ****you're Effulgence personified****

    Baci Sxx

  36. Are you reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally 53?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Noooooooooooooooo!

  37. Yes, you are truly a silent movie star! You had me laughing throughout! And the outfit? Spectacular. You are always the BEST!!!

  38. I love your movies. And fuckability is in the eye of the beholder. Which is a VERY scary thought!


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