How to use your camera remote control

How many times has this happened to you: you set up your tripod for your photo shoot and your remote ends up front and centre, hogging the limelight! No only that, but you end up looking like you're in a murderous rage or auditioning for the next Mr. Bean movie.

In today's blog post I give you several easy techniques, which I have developed in collaboration with Miz Bagg Laboratories, on how to point and shoot your way to fetching and professional photos that don't hurt your remote, your camera or your reputation usually in the process.


1. HOT POCKET REMOTE 

Such a fun technique! Optimal positioning of the remote in your pocket is critical. For beginners, the horizontal sweet spot is easiest to find and stretchy fabric works best, but with experience you will realize that the horizontal position is just one way to trigger the shudder shutter.

a) Demonstration of successsful Hot Pocket technique

How secretly exciting it is to conceal a magic wand in your pocket, knowing that when you press the button and hear that happy chirrup, your rapture will be photographically captured forever. You'll laugh and laugh.

When outdoors, passersby will hastily retreat out of respect for your extraordinary expressions of concentration, but your wandly bulge alone will act as a clear signal of your dedication to photography.


2. ACCESSORY REMOTE

a) Example of hideous remote control takeover. "Hello, hello! Is there a person there? Knock, knock, knock. Where? Where? I don't see her. I only see a selfish camera remote control!!"

The solution in this case - sunglasses. Suddenly you're no longer a dork with a remote - you're a super sleuth with a camera remote control masking-taped to the arm of your sunglasses. You instantly become a player in a game of farcical global intrigue. Oh, such a simple solution. "Why hadn't I thought of it before," you'll ask yourself over and over.

b) Demonstration of successful Accessory Remote technique

When outdoors, people who see you will hilariously think your tripod belongs to someone else and you're having serious trouble with your eyewear. Fun, isn't it?


3. REMOTE ON RAILS (Caution: only for seriously remote users)

Like Robert DeNiro in the movie Taxi Driver (here at 1:34), in this case your remote control is hidden up your sleeve at all times. When it's time to use it, you simply slide it down the rail strapped to your arm, then reach over and trigger it with your other hand. This particular technique may not actually conceal your remote, but whatever.

a) Demonstration of remote on rails with a coat

b) Demonstration of remote on rails without the coat

Sometimes the remote may derail. Pffft. If anyone gives you the side eye while using this technique, simply say: "Are you lookin' at me?" and start sliding your remote quickly up and down your arm. They will leave.


4. DISTRACTION REMOTE

Sometimes you may be wearing so much shite that nobody will even know you have a remote control cleverly concealed in your clothing. This is an advanced version of the Hot Pocket Remote technique and should be used with caution.

a) Failure to conceal remote in clothing. Hideous photo shoot hijacked by electronic device. "Look at my remote! Look at my remote! Don't look at me!!"

b) Successful remote concealment which allows for total poser relaxation

In this case, a rare soft and feminine facial expression of sophistication and really kind of chic-ness with hairiness has been achieved. And where is the remote? Hahaha! If you guessed it's nested in the pom pom under the purple ear muff and polka-dot scarf, left, you'd be correct. Ding ding ding ding!!

c) Another distraction technique: glittery legs, coupled with the question, "WTF is she wearing?"

I hope you've learned something special here today, my friends. It has taken me and Miz Bagg Laboratories more time than it should ever be necessary to address this very serious issue, but we are happy and proud to share these results with you. We hope that you become more and more remote aware. 

If you need a refresher on posing, be sure to reread Miz Bagg's How-to Guide to Posing here. 

Please take a moment to share your own experiences applying these winning techniques in the comments section below. 

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Bwahahaha!

Even after this intensive study, it will take a while before I perfect my remote handling. Until then, I shall employ "Learning through Teaching," which is a popular technique that involves teaching others how to do something until you figure it out yourself. 

I took an extra light into the concrete box this time, which helped brighten things up, and got a few photos I really like. That Taxi Driver-rail tape was a challenge to rip off. I should have used elastic bands. There will be no next time to try it.

New thrift finds: The champagne pink sequin dress I adore - it's from My Sister's Closet. The vintage striped maxi dress has a hood and front zip and I suspect is a '70s beach coverup. I bought it super discounted on Boxing Day at Used House of Vintage. 

I'm linking this up to Patti at Visible Monday, Not  Dead Yet Style, and Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb.

Have a great week, everyone.

Below is something I wore earlier this week. I decided to be a tourist in my own town to distract myself from the cold. It didn't work.

I am employing Distraction Remote (Lite) technique here with my new thrifted purple ear muffs. Sorry, Greetje, I didn't get a good photo of the blouse, but it's silky and ties at the front.