Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Posing 101

How-to Guide to Posing, Part 1
How many times have we looked at photos of ourselves and shuddered - "I look like a clown!" or "I look like myself!" Well, this handy How-to Guide to Posing, Part 1, will make taking your own fashion photos a snap! Before you know it you'll be voguing in your sleep! In the supermarket! In your car! Even in the dentist's chair!

Before we begin: The test shot 
Before any serious modelling session it's always a good idea to take a test shot. A test shot is a handy check of our lighting and a last-minute look-see to make sure we've put on our clothes.

For today's shoot we were extremely fortunate to have with us world-renowned photographer Takenzeepiss. Our subject is Miz Bagg, who recently signed a contract as spokesmodel for Mud-on-Your-Face beauty products. Although she is a seasoned runaway model and poser, these are looks anyone can achieve! Her outfit is courtesy of the World's Greatest Fashion Designer, "iqi" (pronounced "icky").


Miz Bagg modelling "iqi"  - Photo by Takenzeepiss  (c) 2012

Wow! Isn't she faaaabulous? And she hasn't even starting posing yet! That's some look, wouldn' you say? It only took our team of a dozen hairstylists, manicurists, and "iqi" two days to achieve this jaw-dropping transformation of Miz Bagg from her everyday dowdy look to this jaw-dropping haute-couture howdy-doody runway-ready face! Good job team!

Now that we're sure we've achieved the pinnacle of beauty, we begin the serious work of "The Pose." Today's lesson features four fun and easy poses that you can easily duplicate in the comfort of your own home!

Pose 1: Create a clean line

Miz Bagg demonstrating "The Clean Line" - Photo by Takenzeepiss  (c) 2012

Think elegance, think sophistication. Seeing this pose of course brings to mind the scene of Audrey Hepburn gazing deep into Gregory Peck's eyes at the end of Roman Holiday. In fact, Miz Bagg has captured here the essence of both Ms. Hepburn and Mr. Peck! Look how the lines of her clothes flow so smoothly from head to toe. This pose is a simple, surefire winner that only requires the support of a La-Z-Boy chair or other recliner. 

Miz Bagg says, "It helps to imagine that you are a piece of wood or flotsam or an airplane." Those secrets from the pros...you'll only find them here!

Pose 2: Tread water

Miz Bagg demonstrating "Treading Water" Photo by Takenzeepiss  (c) 2012

Isn't Miz Bagg working the camera here? It's always a good idea to pretend you're treading water. Nothing is more flattering to the feminine form than an aquatic pose. Don't limit yourself to treading water - the butterfly stroke, side stroke, or nose-pinch are all equally darling poses. (Order your How-to Guide to Posing, Part 2, to see the Polar Bear Dip face!) To loosen up, pretend your sofa is a swimming pool or practise on a kitchen stool.

Miz Bagg says, "Sometimes it helps to hold your breath and count to 500." How fun! As an added bonus, you'll burn calories with this pose! Ding dong!

Pose 3: Be a bird

Miz Bagg gives us "The Bird" - Photo by Takenzeepiss  (c) 2012

Who doesn't love the grace and beauty of a bird - an egret, a toucan, a pelican? Spread your majestic wings and soar using your  La-Z-Boy for support.

Of this pose Miz Bagg says, "I feel like I'm about to take off like a lovely virginal white swam swimming gracefully and majestically across a greenish brown pond slightly coated with pond scum, which doesn't hinder me because my beauty eclipses all the unsightly detritus around me? It's like I'm gently cooing a birdly love song towards the setting sun with the silhouette of palm trees swaying in the breeze." She says it all. Such a romantic pose.

Pose 4: Display your finest assets

Miz Bagg summing up today's lesson - Photo by Takenzeepiss  (c) 2012

This pose sums up all that we've learnt so far about posing today. It is not only the most flattering pose but it's also the easiest to attain of all today's poses. Who better than Miz Bagg to demonstrate this so masterfully? Takenzeepiss has ingeniously mounted Miz Bagg on the chair to enhance the beauty and sophistication of this dramatic statement. See how her clothes just flow? And who will ever notice those laugh lines when your face is buried in a chair? Look how the clever positioning of the sweater tie adds a distinctly bold and manly effect!
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If you have found these free tips helpful, order the How-to Guide to Posing, Part 2, 8-track cassette for more fun with cameras, featuring Miz Bagg and Takenzeepiss, just $1.00 plus $50 shipping and handling. Act now and get a free vegetable peeler, plus shipping and handling.
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This is part of an art project I'm working on - why do we pose certain ways and not others, apart from the obvious above. How do we change in front of a camera... I hope you enjoyed this sample of photos. Patti of Not Dead Yet Style had a very funny post on posing on Aug. 17. 
Don't worry - I'll be back to outfits in my next post...






36 comments:

Forest City Fashionista said...

Melanie, you're hilarious! Thanks for a mid-day laugh....

sacramento said...

You are so much fun, my dear Melanie.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vix said...

You rock! I was dribbling my tea laughing at your post today.
Can I order a How-To-Guide To Posing please? xxx

Connie said...

OK. I have been trying to get up enough nerve to join Visible Monday and well, this certainly helps!!!! I don't have a timer on my cheapo camera so I have to take pics in front of a mirror and the only mirror big enough in my house is in the bathroom in front of the shower which means that another one of my family members may be inadvertantly exposed in one of my shots or...I will have to clean the damn shower much more often. I'm working on it. Thanks for the tips! LOVE.

two squirrels said...

I'm the same as Vix, you may need to do a "How to get the coffee spats off your computer"! I have been sitting here giggling over my breakfast. You fabulous lady!!! This is such fun.
Posing and a vegetable peeler, my world shall be complete!!!!
Off to practices my "clean line" now.
Love v

Lydia said...

I loved this so much, I can't even decide what I want to say about it. Does that even happen to you? I like this too much to talk about it.

Pose one is my favorite.

Miss Simmonds Says said...

I think I'll be trying these out! Though seeing your studio makes me really miss being an art student

Idoia Bilbao Parisse said...

Only 3 words: you are brilliant...
www.clubmujeresreales.blogspot.com

pastcaring said...

You are bloody mad, Melanie - in a totally wonderful way! I feel I need the Guide, please. And I REALLY need a new vegetable peeler.
Wisdom of the Week - "who will ever notice those laugh lines when your face is buried in a chair?" Genius. xxxxx

Tamera Beardsley said...

Miz Bagg is Magnifique!!!

Jean at www.drossintogold.com said...

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Joni James said...

Where's the Paypal button? Can you send me a signed copy?

Melanie said...

Dear Ms James:

Miz Bagg is currently on a photo shoot of iqi's fall/winter fur coat collection in the deepest Everglades, but as her agent I must inform you that Miz Bagg only does personally-signed copies for royalty and Rowan Atkinson...and Steve Martin. (!)

Melanie said...

Connie, if you will be taking photos in the bathroom, might I suggest the "Treading Water" pose or another equally flattering aquatic pose? (!) I hope you find a way to hook up with Patti's Visible Monday!

Melanie said...

Oh dear, oh dear, I'm afraid Miz Bagg has just sold out! But we still have a few more lovely vegetable peelers!

Joni James said...

What if I said I was married to Jesse James?

Melanie said...

Ha! I'll ask her!

ana maria bruno said...

Todo ésto me ha hecho sonrreir con agrado, pero he reflexionado al respecto y me gustaría conocer más la conexión del cuerpo con mi mente, y perder el miedo a vernos tal como somos y saber que refleja nuestra imagen cuando nos miramos, muy buen ejercicio, un beso para tu personalidad inquieta y creadora, besos ana

ana maria bruno said...

All your post does me sonrreir with pleasure, but I have thought in the matter and I would like to know more the connection of the body with my mind, and to lose the fear of meeting like we are and to know that it reflects our image when we look, very good exercise, a kiss for your anxious and creative personality, kisses ana,

Rosemary the Shopper said...

Boy, I want that vegetable peeler! And to think I will get all these "insider tips" as well. Am I lucky, or what?

Melanie, this is just a scream. Give up your day job and scoot yourself down to CBC, or at least Vogue! Once they get a load of this, the demand will be overwhelming. I hope you are prepared. The Mistress of the Unintentionally Bad Photos has spoken.

Much love from England,
Rosemary follow me on www.foreveronthecatwalkoflife.com

Sheila said...

Okay, I giggled all the way through this post! I love your poses! They remind me that I need to loosen up and do some fun poses and not worry so much about looking perfect.

Hey, if you see me on the street in Vancouver on Friday/Saturday, say hi! I'll be downtown around Gastown, Granville, as well as W. 4th and 3600-block of Main St.

anton belardo said...

haha i love this post very interesting
i love pose no 4 "display your finest assets i think i will try this next time i take photos

have a lovely weekend


kisses A.

Terri said...

I laughed so hard I cried! Real tears ran down my face. And I want the vegetable peeler, pronto.

It's funny though that I was much looser in my posing when I began blogging than I am now, though there is one of me planking last summer.

Melanie said...

About the tears, Miz Bagg has that effect on most people who witness her stunning presence. The first time Anna Wintour saw her in action she shrieked and then fainted!

I want to see your planking pose! I'll go look for it.

Melanie said...

Hi Sheila. I sent you some contact info. I hope we can meet up!

Melanie said...

Yes, many people scream when they see Miz Bagg...

Thank you, Rosemary! And your photos are great, by the way!

Style Sud-Est said...

I opened my Ipad at 5 am, yes i know i am an Ipad junky, well anyway i was at 5 am laughing so hard!
Your a breath of fresh air!
You should do a weekly what was your worse pose and we should all link up with you

Because we can not take ourselves seriously!

I want a patato peeler!

Have a great Friday Mélanie

Ariane xxxxx

Damar Rivillo said...

ohh my God this is just exactly what I been looking for I'll try this and definitely will order the second part of the guide and the free vegetable peeler!! just what I need... happy Friday ;)

Patti @ NotDeadYet Style said...

Thanks for the mention, dear Melanie! You have me laughing out loud and frightening the pets right now. This post is a treasure.

Mrs. D said...

Fun fun fun! your post brought a smile to my face :)

Danielle Celeste Couture said...

This is so funny. Crack up.

Melanie said...

I called this blog "Bag and a Beret" because I wasn't going to show my face at all - I was going to wear a bag with my beret smooshed on top. I don't like having my photo taken. So one of my huge challenges has been how not to take photographs too seriously.

I'm not sure everyone would be rushing to post their worst photos, but I suspect we all have good ones!! It would be fun - maybe if we all wear bags?

Anne @ The Frump Factor said...

Oh, thank you so much for this. I am due for another photo shoot and I still struggle with them. (Low expectations help!) But this time, I'm just going to picture your poses. THAT should give me a genuine smile!

his_girl_friday said...

Um, this post is amazing. I am really going to follow your fantastic advice and integrate it into my blog ;)

Lisa said...

Ahhhhhahahahahaahaaaa!!
This whole thing.... you're hysterical and brilliant.
I think you should audition for SNL or something....as writer and/or star.
So glad you didn't bag your head. :)

Melanie said...

Humour keeps me alive. I'm glad you laughed too!

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