Rock star pants escape Space Bag!

Note to self: "Stay away from Ziploc's miraculous Space Bags when cleaning in winter in a springtime mood; snow will fall relentlessly as punishment and I'll only have silk, chiffon, and other women's cast-off, strapless prom dresses left in the closet." Thank goodness my rock star pants ran from the Bag and saved the day (I know, I said no more pants. I lied.) along with my freshly "laundered" DIY shirt (see previous post) for some double-whammy DIY action. Hold on to your hats.

Who knew that parking garage lighting could be so flattering? I'm going to hang around here all the time now and only look up.

The first time I wore these rock star pants Paul Stanley (of KISS) was smiling at me, here. Okay, so I didn't know who he was and I didn't actually know it was happening at the time either, but still... The next time I wore them I was inspired to make a video clip. Today is not over yet and who knows what will transpire? I feel the slow churning of DIY magic like the colossal turbines in the engine room of the Titanic (that would be before she sank) - the engine scene is one of my favourites in the James Cameron movie.

Wearing:

• DIY low-rise rock star pants
• DIY "I have nothing to wear" shirt, laundry-free (see previous post)
• wide '70s leather belt
• satin hot-pink blouse, thrifted, Nicole designer-something-or-other blah
• thrifted Sesame Street Massacre coat
• thrifted fuzzy psychedelic top hat
• boots, retail
• magic loupe, made special for me by O

I always jump when I wear these pants. I'm hooking this up to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style for sure. I don't have much to say. I. Am. Still. Cleaning...

Ode to Lena Dunham

Such a brou-ha-ha-ha. Vogue put Lena Dunham, writer and star of the wildly popular TV series Girls, on its cover with a Photoshopped image. Gasp! As if Vogue doesn't tweak every featured celebrity in its pages. Put me in Vogue and you can airbrush, squinch, and boobize me all you want. The inestimable fun of seeing me for realsie is really only the domain of friends and family. Even then, the degree of realsie-ness is dictated by the heavy-handedness of the intelligence-boosting eye shadow smeared across my eyelids or shape of vexing brow I drew on that particular morning or even perhaps the miraculous qualities of a Mighty Foundation Garment.

This photo I took, called importantly "Cat Head 1" (completely unretouched in one of my other dimensions of existence), addresses a photo of Ms. Dunham balancing a bird on her head, wearing an incredible feather-featured dress. The photo's location, Ms. Dunham's body parts, and even the bird have all been shuffled to create a striking final image. I don't care HOW they did it; I enjoy looking at the final result. And importantly, Ms. Dunham enjoys the final result as well. (I've included links for them below)

Look at my heeled runners! Bwa-ha-ha.

Wearing

• thrifted vintage pink and gold lurex brocade mini shift, I fixed the zipper last night. There are two invisble pockets in the front. Dreamy!
• black jeggings
• thrifted rubber-soled high-heel running-type shoes with metallic gold & black patterned canvas upper
• thrifted black long-sleeved top under the dress
• shaggy coat made from the rare green swamp-dwelling mountain goat of Iceland
• performance-enhancing bright pink lipstick
• magic loupe and magic bracelet, latter seen below, hardly, made for me by O

That's another photo of me, again, unretouched in another dimension. This photo shows that the dress is sleeveless - that's all. I am certain it will spark a furious debate in that existence as well. 

There are many SERIOUS issues in this discussion about Ms. Dunham, which I am joyfully sidestepping so I could bring you "Cat Head 1" guilt-free. Maybe if I drank tea for breakfast instead of coffee, I would argue in the opposite direction, but I had coffee. I learned about this media panic from Sally's Lovely Links on Jan. 24 on her blog Already Pretty (she always has the best links). Her link took me to the blog Feministe which summarized what was going on and linked to the Vogue photos, and, circuitously, to Ms. Dunham's unretouched photos. Sheesh!!

I'm linking to Patti's marvelous Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style. I've been working, taking breaks only long enough to stuff food in my face, skip to the loo, and sleep. The momentum has slowed but my mind hasn't adjusted yet. I'm hoping for a soft landing.

So how about you, tea or coffee? Lurex, curiously, has the sustaining qualities of caffeine.

I'll spare you my singing. Below are the new lyrics to that tired famous song. You can watch Barbra Streisand sing it on YouTube (can't stand to put the video here with the real lyrics).

He Retouched Me

He retouched me, he put his mouse on me

And he retouched me

I felt a sudden squinch when he retouched me

A sparkle, a glow

He KNEW it,

He smiled but didn't tell me so all through it

He knew it - I KNOW

He's unreal and the world is online and thriving

I feel such a wonderful drive to advertisin'

He retouched me

I simply have to face the fact

He retouched me

Control myself and try to act

as if I remember my name

But he retouched me, he retouched me

And suddenly nothing is the same

Because he retouched me, he retouched me

And suddenly nothing, nothing, nothing is the same!

(You'd be surprised how few changes I made to these lyrics)

Camo wear with winter sandals

Had I known that socks with sandals were on trend I never would have worn them. I certainly wasn't going to stumble across this breathless bit of hot sandal/sock style guidance in VOGOFF, the only unfashion magazine I read which says I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Now that I DO know, as they say, I find I don't give a flying f*ck.

I love these geta-ish sandals and today was like spring so I didn't need the bootie covers; my black knee socks sufficed. The only sandals you're likely to see in the winter in these parts are padded bedroom slippers, not to be on trend but simply because that's what one rolled out of bed in. Not judging. Not judging. But wait - gasp - bedtime onesies and sleepwear are also apparently very on trend. Oh no! I'm wearing pyjama bottoms. Have I been hitnotized?

Can you find the Melanie in this photo? This is my urban camo wear. I blend seamlessly with my environment, such as with this typical office building exterior and sidewalk in downtown Vancouver. Much like the hare turns white in winter, I start to resemble buildings. But wait! Isn't camo wear also on trend? Gaa! GAAA! Time to put on my tin foil hat. 

I know I'm invisible in this outfit, especially considering how on trend I am, but that won't stop me linking up with Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style.

Wearing

satiny Oriental-style pyjama bottoms, thrifted, TREND ALERT

geta-ish sandals, retail, dirt cheap, WITH socks, TREND ALERT

camo styling, TREND ALERT

peace T-shirt, thrifted

white undershirt, retail

Sesame Street massacre coat, thrifted

pink scarf, hand-me-over

magic loupe

Mini rant: 

Do you get emails like this?: 

"You are invited to our opening of Designer X Boutique blah blah in New York City (Toronto, Omaha...)" 

For the latter, somehow they always recklessly forget to add the airline voucher that would get me there. I don't understand it because they think my blog is very unique and informative and a perfect match for their products. I understand how they would think that, considering how on trend I am. All I can say is, TRY HARDER, you guys. Next time, don't forget the tickets, okay?

Stay tuned: Next post, Freakish Yellow Skirt Update.

Just say no to flaccid hats

Floppy, lifeless, deflated. This hat needed help fast. Miz Bagg knew what to do.

I stuffed another soft hat in the crown to make it pop tart and regal. Thaaaat's better. Sigh.

Yes, it's been building all week, my fifth Hat Attack. Thanks, Judith, at Style Crone, for this lovely get together. I know that many of you are wearing hats designed for style first, warmth second. This one is made for warmth first, style second, but I tried to reverse the order. Why have a flat hat when you can have a towering wobbly jello hat like the kind worn in Dr. Seuss stories, especially with this lovely coat? I should be balancing wibbly skyscraping stacks of china teacups and plates in this outfit while dashing madly through the park.

Those are my thrifted Steve Madden houndstooth, ankle zip, stovepipe pants. 

This is the hat worn in my profile photo and many of you have seen it already, but I still love it. I'm wearing it inside out as well because I like the nubbly on the top.

That's all.

Yellow Skirt Freak Show Update!! and more...

NO ONE can resist playing with SNOW

the fairy Goddess who lights the way through

the woods with the Freakish Yellow Skirt

and her magic yellow lantern.

Stepping through pixie doors

sprinkling sparkles.

who knows where

Sue of

A Colourful Canvass

will lead us?

Spellbinding enchantment

whispered well-wishing

You must see.

G O!   G O   N O W !!!!

________________________________________________________

Magic. Sue stuns with her enchanted interpretation of the yellow skirt. Seriously you guys, I do think there is some power in this piece of yellow fabric. I can't believe how amazingly everyone is styling her. Check out her addition to the skirt too. Awesome!

And more news:

I told you I was going to get my hair decoloured, right? So if the salon gives you yellow hair, do you make lemonade? NO!!! You have a hissy fit that threatens to split the Earth wide open, spewing magma across every hemisphere in a fury so powerful that while you're at it, you create a whole new galaxy AND a black hole. Whew. (You do this at home of course, quietly, privately, in the bathroom)

I was at the hair salon for seven hours (day one 3.5 hr, day two 3.5 hr). And STILL my hair looks like straight-up dog pee and water, leaving me shaken and stirred, despite the boutique's lighting that magically erases yellow tones and the team of three professional stylists whose enthusiast trills of "Faaabulous! Perrrfect! Amaaazing!!" even started to wilt after Hour 5, which is when I began to avert my gaze from the mirror for each new reveal. On my way home, I left a sad little trail of fried hair brittle on the sidewalk in my wake. All I kept hearing in my head was rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, is that burning your head yet? (Yes)

And look, now I'm a happy woman again! Yay!  Would that be the wonky lemonade I've been drinking? Line up, ladies and gents, you'll want to try some. So long pink - hello yellow skirt, yellow hair, yellow drinks! And another emergency haircut after the colouring also helped. 

Above are photos of what I wore yesterday, after euthanizing my distressed ends. My hair has never been so damaged, it's the texture of mud pies when it's wet. You can't see the yellow in my hair much here because the green monster coat absorbs it. Those are my reading glasses purchased at the Vancouver Art Gallery Gift Store. 

Next time I'll DIY my hair, if I can't track down my former colourist (who used to do my hair perfectly at that same salon). I've never enjoyed salons anyway. Just because a salon is expensive, it doesn't mean they're good. SO, if you live in Vancouver, if you want white hair, avoid C:EHKO right now. Beige, dirty mushroom, dust colour? No problem. Their staff is friendly and they were terribly apologetic, but seven hours for colour? Even if they didn't charge me? I. Don't. Think. So!!! Call the UN!

Wearing:

Groggy green shag coat, thrifted

Geisha sock legwarmers, retail

DIY "Super Model" T-shirt with googly eyes that make noise when you walk

Hue brand fuzzy jeggings, retail bargain bin

and other stuff, including magic loupe from O

stretch black boots, extravagant retail purchase a few years back

I bought two pairs of Geisha socks and cut one pair at the toe end so I could wear them like this or as arm warmers.

Below, what I wore today, my Groggy coat again with real glasses, oversized cotton sweater bargain bin, wool wraparound skirt thrifted, caramel-coloured jeggings and thigh-high socks bargain bin, D&G shoes thrifted. Magic loupe from O.

Okay, I admit, I love how the yellow hair looks with this outer wear, that anime vibe. My hair also matches my pastel nicotine coat. But necessity does strange things to the mind, so does wonky lemonade. Like white balance on a camera, the yellow is really visible in certain lighting. 

I'm looking for a hat for Judith's Hat Attack. I'm glad I have a little more time left. My mad work schedule is easing ever so slightly. 

I hope bloggers in the States are having a relaxing Thanksgiving weekend. I'll see you at Patti's Visible Monday. More lemonade anyone? I enjoyed our manhole party.