Friday, 6 December 2013

Triple flutzing, champagne swilling, and a giveaway!

My name is Vanya. I'm a champagne-swillin' figure skater from Boroslavia in the Far West. You should see my Besti squat and Biellmann spin, only on ice, and after a coupla' bottles I'm real good at the swizzle and twizzle. I slept with all the judges so I'm not worried about my scores, plus I'm the only entrant in the +50 category. Gold! I did my routine to a mix of Swan Lake and Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Lewis, and Dentabone* has already signed on as sponsor for the TV premiere of my performance. *dog treats for healthy teeth and gums

Her powerful triple Flutz takeoff launched her violently into the wintry upper atmosphere of
pre-birth snowflakes and frozen dewdrops of spent jet fuel. She knew she had won Gold.
All this without even putting on her skates. 

The vintage coat, a Robert Meshekoff Original (never heard of him before), is beyond divine and I bought it "as is," which meant there was a big flaw somewhere, in this case, a few small dark splats on the belt and front panel, which accounted for the affordable price. Imagine my happiness when I got home and the stains disappeared within seconds of delicate dabbing with water.

Cursory online investigation revealed an expired Etsy listing of a similar coat described as Russian princess-style, dated as early '60s, although this looks a bit earlier than that. I like the label: Clean by fur method only/Do not brush, press or steam. The trim is faux fur and the body is faux curly lamb, dreamy soft.


Wearing:
thrifted faux fur swing-style vintage winter coat in champagne
thrifted granny shoes (you can see them closeup, in action, in my Man Robe video)
black tights with thigh-high brown socks on top
thrifted houndstooth brown/ivory wool skirt with suede hem trim and waistband
thrifted putrid-green neck-bow blouse
thrifted fuzzy faux fur hat (should have worn this for Hat Attack but I didn't have this coat yet)
leather gloves, magic loupe

I had a chocolate-dipped shortbread cookie on the way home from my inspiration walk, only for fortification mind you, since scientific studies have proven that cold weather (-2C, 28.4F) burns calories at 3.8 times the normal speed, a fact which four out of five doctors will agree with if they are actors getting paid the big bucks.

AND a giveaway!


I pimped this T-shirt Wednesday night (the "AND" was too long so I tried a plus sign that just looks like a "t"). Leave me a comment saying if you would like to enter and your email address and I'll draw a name around Dec. 20. You also have to advertise and "Like" me or "Swear Undying Devotion to Me" at the Elk Lodge, the PTA, Buttbook, the Girl Guides, and in a guest appearance on Conan O'Brien (or similar comic late-night TV talk show). Send evidence.

I'll ship anywhere with an address. The shirt is 100% cotton, cap sleeves, XL, from the Gap, flat width 22", flat length 27". One size fits all I hope.

Cheers everyone. A flubbed Lutz is called a Flutz (true). A klutz is just a klutz (true). And I didn't really sleep with the judges. I didn't have to - schtellar talent schpeaks for itschelf. Oof.
I do not figure skate. I have never figure skated. I shall not figure skate. One does not need to when one has granny shoes.


42 comments:

  1. Dear god!! Will you just let me stop, breathe, munch on a chic-marshmallow cookie and slurp my tea for a sec? Thanks ... "as is" means "intended for a hard core thrifter who can think on her feet". In this case, your coat was waiting patiently for you, waiting for the adoration, the crowds, the screams and applause for a gold winner to slip on this baby. My god what a find. I'm feeling very much like a Middle-Aged Ketteh today and a winner to boot. I would love to be in the draw! xoxox

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  2. This is one fine coat in a dreamy color. What a find!

    blue hue wonderland

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  3. Babushka, you look divinski in that coat! In fact, you look like the Tsarina Bilshutovska wearing her inheritance, after cleaning the blood off the collar. I drink vodka in your honor!

    Consider me entered in your contest please - you have my email address. If I win I promise to send you a surprise gift in return, and also to give your email address to everyone who comments on the shirt when I wear it. Think of all the new friends you'll have! I'll also swear undying fealty to you, and I'll try to send you one of my step-niece's triplets (would you prefer a female or male?). If that's not enough, let me know and I'll grovel some more. :P

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  4. I bet you had the judges startled in awe entering the ring with that coat, it is overwhelmingly beautiful.
    FF

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  5. I don't think the offer of a step-niece's triplet can actually be beaten, so that is the end of that competition. Are you sure you haven't ever donned the skates, I was sure I had seen footage at the Museum of Contemporary Frozen Water Arts in Vladivostock that featured your first (and last) quadruple flutz. (iTellYouHowToSpell doesn't like that last word???) Consider me entered, however futile that may be as I think all I can offer is water-cooler gossip and a Reddit forum - Conan is not taking my calls after the last incident.

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  6. What a coat! you outbeat my leopard find!

    I see them on line sometimes but the cost of shipping is hell! Great find!
    I want that tee!! i will be dreaming of that tee!

    Hugs!

    Arianexo

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  7. That coat is incredible! Fluffy in all the right places.

    The only thing I have to offer you is my pug which I am unwilling to give up. My husband is overseas otherwise I would have gladly let you borrow him. For now I will offer you my undying devotion and hope that is enough. I want that t-shirt!

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  8. Oh. My. God. That. Coat. Is. F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.

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  9. You look awesome in that coat of pure fabulousness.

    Count me in for the t-shirt,

    ps. I haven't got my glasses on and thought you said you had a cookie for fornication. Sorry. I'll take myself out for a telling off.
    xxx

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  10. I'm swooning over the coat, Melanie - it's dreamy beyond belief, and therefore very YOU. I wonder what the "as is" price was?

    Cute little tee but please don't enter me as shipping to France is $$$ :)

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  11. So glad you didn't have to sleep with the judges. I think they've died and are just being propped up. Your coat (and talent) speak for themselves, solid tens all-round.

    I want to win the tee - I'll do anything. I am advertising you in the Melbourne Hometown News today! patti at nhsys dot com, that's me!

    xoxo

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  12. Man that coat is gorgeous. You can clearly rock it in your 'haHA!' attitude way or a princess mystical ice skater way.

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  13. oh Vanya, I think I have fallen in love with you, or maybe your coat, it doesn't matter though, I am feeling luuurrrvveee! x x x

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  14. your coat is amazing, furry, creamy and lovely, and you look gorgeous and warm!!, that's doubled fabulousness!
    hurrah for your kitteh t-shirt, I would love to enjoy it!,
    mrsallnut@gmail.com
    besos & vodka

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  15. Vanya, I can picture the flutz now--oh so beautiful--a new catagory! Looking gorgeous while flutzing--you get a perfect 10! xoxo

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  16. skate, girl, skate.

    ya already have the email

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  17. Honestly, the comments on your posts are *almost* as entertaining as your posts. 1/3 of a triplet, pugs and partners...although enticing as these offers are, allow me remind you that they all poop. Me, sure I covet the t-shirt, and I promise to jump through hoops, or at least hoop, should the win be awarded to my humble self. And zee coat? Perfection! One day I will ferret out your haunts...perhaps even encounter the lovely Vanya.

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  18. Oh my goodness that is one gorgeous coat - such as swingy cuddley coat too. Although its summery here downunder I cannot help but be envious of your coat and also Ariane's leopard one. Fake fur is surely one of the best inventions ever. However, I could wear the tee shirt straight away and promote your fabulous style for weeks and weeks and I could also do a blog post about it!!! lucyjanegray13@gmail.com

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  19. Just to let you know...I heard that Sonja Henie is coming after you. It's a tough biz that skating biz. Skirt flipping spins in thigh highs. That's the way to do it, Mel!
    I "Liked" you in the condiment aisle at Albertson's grocery store. I yelled "I Like bag and a beret! " and the cashier said, "Paper or plastic?" Put me in the spinning for the tee!

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  20. I love that coat and fluffy fur and that t-shirt you made too. I WANT IT. Please enter me in your drawing. I tried figure skating, or rather just learning to ice skate. The only figure i made was a crack in the ice when I fell and broke my arm.
    Visit my blog to see the good word I gave your blog.

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  21. That coat is a dream, just like you.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  22. You made me laugh again. Your fantasy is wonderful. I think you are the part: an ice princess. The coat is divine. I can so imagine your joy when the stains came out. And so easily. Been there, done that.
    As for the give-away... This is the best one I have seen in ages. The bar of soap at The Style Confessions was a good one too. Therefore I will not only like you everywhere, I will get you a spot in Michael McIntyre's comedyshow at the Royal Albert Hall in London. I will get you to Europe!! And I will put in a request to have an ice skating ring (a small one) in the back as decor. That's how I like the shirt. LOL
    Greetje

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  23. Oh Vanya! I hope you are practising your triple fruit loops, for impressing the judges - whether on the ice or between the sheets. You do rather look like a 1970s Eastern European figure skating judge, perhaps Vanya has moved on from competing herself and is now training a young protege, no doubt with fearsome discipline and ferocious jealousy...
    Ooh, I do adore the coat, thank goodness you weren't put off by the marks (true vintage lovers are always prepared to give something gorgeous a go, and deal with stains/rips without worrying). The shape and the squishy furry loveliness are beautiful, and so are you.
    Middle Aged Kitteh? That I am, so consider me entered (ahem...) and I will advertise your blog in the school newsletter and on Debenhams staff notice board. Can't say fairer than that. xxxxxx

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  24. What a gorgeous coat!

    www.saucysiciliana.blogspot.com

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  25. That fur-a-liscious coat becomes you, like no one else, Vanya, my dear! Why, you could be naked underneath and still be warm in the frigid Siberian temps! But don't go denying your trysts with the officials this late in the game, Missy...we know how you are in your quest for GOLD! No one judges you...

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  26. O, Vanya, I would like to drink the vodka and shoot the borscht with you very much! You look like good time Russian wench with great potatoes!
    Gloriarse coat, my lovely, I am wildly envious!!! Super snuglly, perfect for a Russian Canadian Princess of Dubious Descent!
    O, yes, please enter me in your draw, despite my not being aT shirt wearing girl! It's just too groovy!
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  27. Vanya, count me in u sexy bitch!!!
    pinkcheetahvintage@gmail.com
    You're a winter princess!!!!!
    <3 <3 <3

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  28. Drop dead gorgeous coat!! Super lovely shape.

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  29. ARRGGH! All the previous commenters/Vanya worshippers stole my best lines! If I had triplets, I would send you all three, and you could mold them into ice princesses (spray with water and then leave outside in the cold).
    I whimpered a little when I saw that coat - it is a thing of unspeakable beauty. Was there something in the air recently, because I purchased a creamy white faux fur coat at a consignment store this weekend, and I never wear white....

    I have nothing to offer but my sworn undying fealty. I would wear the t-shirt proudly and revel in my middle-aged kitteh-ness.

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  30. Oh Vanya you look absolutely divine!!!
    The new coat is freaking spectacular
    I can imagine you gliding magnificently across the ice in a sparkly skating dress and tiara as your fans toss bouquets of roses on the ice

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  31. Oh, Vanya, Vanya, I call your name through the bitter hinterlands! Vaaaaaaaaanyaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! I salt the triple-butt-flips of my heart with Dentabones and frozen tears. I am brushed, pressed, and steamed. Ruined, I say. Ruined! Utterly! By your fabulousness!!!

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  32. Oh dear god, this coat is simply...IT. There are not many people who can carry it off.

    I want the t-shirt. Give me the t-shirt.*

    *sending hypmo-vibes across the JdF Strait. I think you have my email. Or at least my last name. :)

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  33. Your gorgeous coat has me in a state of hyperventilation! Could it be more dreamy? And the giveaway? Please sign me up immediately and the evidence is in the mail.

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  34. You look all twirly fluffy fabulousness in your coat... I love LOVE love LOVE your blog, but rarely (if ever?) comment. However *ahem, here I am in the faint hope of bagging the pimped tee shirt. I am ruthbreckell@hotmail.co.uk :)

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  35. Yes please, count me in for the draw. I love the fact that I can actually be included. Since I'm not on Facebook and I don't twitter etc. I'm always ineligible for everyone else's.

    The coat and hat are dreamy, perfect with the houndstooth skirt. XXOO

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  36. I wanna snuggle my face in that dang coat and purr like a kitten

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  37. Wait. Huh? Wut? Where is the Elk Lodge? Can I see proof of your Besti squat? You used WATER on that coat?

    Um, do you need my email address for realsies?

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  38. Yes, count me in for the funny tee.
    You are too funny!

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  39. Want T-shirt very much. Please consider me entered. Also want coat, but that is spoken for ..... am off to find one of my own, if the thrifting gods allow.

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  40. Think I'm so late to this party that you may (wishful thinking) be tired of this champagne furry delight of a coat and be offering it as the latest give away. Perhaps you need to give it away to someone living on a tiny island? And any other criteria I could fulfill?
    Anna
    Anna's Island Style

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